AIBU re: no bday party?

[startrek90]

Its my birthday on Thursday and my MiL today and both SiL tomorrow (a ig week) as a result we will be going to my IL for a massive party tomorrow to celebrate both SiL and MiL bdays (MiL is working today). I don'T mind going and in fact am looking forward to seeing everyone and am making food for the party to ease the strain of hosting on my MiL (she asked).

Yesterday we got a phone call asking when the party for me is/what the arrangements were. I don't want a party or dinner. I am 8 months pregnant and simply cannot deal with the faff of gutting my flat and preparing snacks and hosting the whole of my DH family (including cousins and 2nd cousins) and then having to entertain lots of small children in a tiny little flat. My DH bday we had 2 bday parties (one for family and one for friends) and I ended up doing everything. I am tired and tbh can't be bothered doing it. Also I am on restricted duties anyway because of health problems...

Cue FiL and MiL getting upset that I don't want to spend the day with family. Just been told by DH (who in fairness tried to explain that I was too exhausted etc...) that they have organised ANOTHER IL family get together as 'I don't do my birthdays properly'. Its really sweet and I know I should be grateful but tbh I feel awkward and beholden enough already (long story). I just feel that they have overstepped and should have respected my wish not to make a fuss. My DH thinks I am odd not to do a big celebration every year but its just not my thing.

AIBU? should I just let them do what they want? I just wanted to have a cheeky curry and watch films :(

I should mention that on Sunday we are having ANOTHER big celebration of my youngest SiL as she is 8 and its a rite of passage in my DH culture. I feel awkward as I feel the attention should be on her this weekend. I am just too tired to do loads of parties. Just need someone to give me a kick up the bum.

It's not the IL that the problem, it's dh. He should be respecting your wishes and relaying firmly tge message to his family. Yanbu to want to celebrate your birthday the way you want.

I agree, your DH is the problem. He's behaving badly.

And YANBU not to want a party, especially one for which you'll have to put in lots of work.

"And YANBU not to want a party, especially one for which you'll have to put in lots of work."

If it was all left to your husband, I wonder how keen he would be then!

Bet he wouldn't be thinking you at all odd for not wanting it!

Yes, exactly, diddl!

Would it work to go to the party for a while and then bow out as you are very pg? Or would they fuss too much and make you feel awkward?

Your DH should be the advocate for your wishes. Especially if he's going to be your birth partner, he needs to get better at listening to what is important to you! You and your unborn baby should be his priority right now. Why is he adding to your stress levels when you are already pregnant with health problems?!

If you don't want a party, it is a bit weird and dare I say controlling to force you to have one - especially when all the work involved falls on your shoulders. Maybe it was a nice thought which began with good intentions, but once he's heard that it is not something you want he needs to accept that!