to not know how to play with my kids

[SoddingCupcakes]

I'm feeling quite emotional (so God knows why I came to AIBU!)

DH send me his usual daily email from work, asking how my day was going. I sent this one back:

"I feel very weepy today.

When you left to take DD1 (4 years) to school, I had four hours in which to entertain DS (2 years). He was very clingy and wanted constant attention. We played with the duplo, then the fuzzy felt, then decorated biscuits, but nothing seemed to entertain him for long and he would just sit on my lap handing me stuff. I ended up feeling guilty, which I think has put me on a downer. I'm running out of ideas to entertain the babies :,( It makes me feel really shit at this role and I'm crying as I type this. I don't want to feel out of my depth when I try to play with them. But it just doesn't come naturally to me. I can do it in small doses and am quite creative, but not for hours on end. My brain just stagnates and I end up feeling depressed."

So, my Q to you lot is: AIBU to feel this way? Did I make a mistake having kids?

I've been a SAHM for 4 years and am finally returning to work in a couple of weeks. I'd love to say I've enjoyed SAHMhood but I have just felt bored, frustrated and disappointed with myself.

So many parents don't enjoy the baby/toddler years, it's more common than we think. It's not something many people like to admit but it's definitely true. Small children are not everyone's cup of tea. That doesn't make you a bad parent or mean you don't love them dearly, the early years are just not your forte.

I'm like this. Mine are still small but just getting to the stage of being slightly more independent. The eldest two are potty trained, youngest is just about to ditch the pushchair forever and I don't need to carry them upstairs, feed them, clean up after them etc anymore because they can and do do it all themselves. It's brilliant. When they were all very small and in nappies I felt suffocated. I don't feel bad for admitting that, I just feel like I connect with them more now they can tell me what they want/need and I can trust them to be in a room alone without worrying about them destroying the place, hurting themselves etc.

It's still hard though. I'm looking forward to the day when there's no nappies to change and wash and I can take them places on my own without worrying about them running off or tantrums.

So anyway, you aren't alone at all . Lily Allen admitted she went back to work because being a SAHM wasn't what she imagined and drove her crazy. I'm glad she was open about that, it should be said more often. It isn't easy and all we can do is try our best. You're trying very hard clearly and doing a good job, stop being so hard on yourself.

My advice? Stick some music on, dance about. Bounce on the sofa. Give them the peg basket to play with, a saucepan and a wooden spoon. I just throw things at mine and do lots of "wow well done, clever boy" type comments at random intervals. They're fine. Relax. They don't need constant entertaining and tbh if they make a mess, don't sweat it, it'll clean. And chucking them out in the garden at that age with wellies and old clothes on was the best. They can spend hours covering themselves in mud, tire themselves out. You just pick them up when they're finished, carry at arms length to the bathroom, strip off, in the bath, and that's another 30 mins covered while they splash about.

I had a cupboard in the kitchen filled with unbreakable stuff like plastic containers,plastic cups,big spoons etc and my kids could just pull it all out and stack the cups and bang the spoon on the bowls etc whilst I got on with jobs that needed doing. Kids have to learn to entertain themselves and if they are constantly stimulated by either a parent or the tv they will have a very short concentration span in the longer term.

Spend a lot of time outside, park is always entertainibg plus it wears them out!

I used to be exactly the same as you. I felt that if I wasn't entertaining them I was a terrible mother. My children are now 11 and 8. I went back to work 3 days per week and it helped me to appreciate the days I had off with them. I hated maternity leave as everyday seemed to merge into the next. But agree that I needed to do an activity outside the house every day to break the monotony.

I agree with trying to relax - make a mess - I remember sitting my toddler in a shallow plastic box filled with water - he loved to mix colours and put his cars in. Towels everywhere.

Please try to enjoy as it goes all too fast.