To wonder what you'd do if your child punched another child.

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

DS has obvious SN. At the local soft play, a boy who was about 2 years older than him and about 4 inches taller than him, punched him in the face and caused a nosebleed. Anyone want to take a punt at what the child's mother did when I went went with the manager to speak to her about it?

What would you have done?

Lweji - in the words of the older and bigger child, my son "got in his space" whatever that means. He didn't touch the other child.

Ah. Bouncing and humming. No, nothing you can change there. Except try and teach him to stay out of the way of badly brought up little toads.

keema - yes it would, and obviously once i found out thats what i said. Unfortunately this had been going on for some time and the adults working at the play scheme had apparantly 'not noticed' or intervened.

all i was saying was that some people think their children are little angels when actually they aren't. clearly thats not the case in this instance

awful experience!

But soft play is HELL, why anyone ever goes there is beyond me.

It is impossible to adequately supervise once they go through all this tunnels/climbing frames.

There is no need for soft play in anyone's life, IMO, never understand why anyone goes there.

Oooh, she's annoying me from a distance. You don't happen to have her name and address handy to streamline the punching process that I now realise must inevitably follow, do you?

In those circumstances they'd be made to apologise, if they'd not spent their spending money they'd be made to buy a balloon/sweets for their victim with it and they'd be taken straight home.

If I didn't see what happened I'd want to verify the facts before acting. Dd1 has always been a mother hen type. I've been called to school to calm her down after she was pulled to the ground and stamped on by a group of 4 children who were 3 years younger than her. She hadn't wanted to hit back or try to get away in case she hurt them because they were smaller than her so if I was told that she'd punched a child smaller I'd be inclined to think it was accident/made up. Dd2, otoh....

If they'd came to me to tell me another child was annoying them I'd tell them to move away and play elsewhere/be more understanding if it was obvious they had SN.

I'm constantly trying to help DS learn about how to deal with other children, but he's so bloody vulnerable as he can't tell whether someone is being mean or genuine. Things like this make me want to wrap him up in cotton wool, but I can't.

Sigh.

Well the classic response to that mum is "oh, well you are annoying me now so I assume you are ok with me punching you?"

I thought children being annoying at soft play was standard - there's so many kids in a small space.

LadyCelia

I'm with Brave - I tried to avoid them whenever possible. Encouraging DP to do the same with DS.

That said - totally unacceptable and I'd have been tearing a strip off the mum to myself in the car on the way home probably

My children are older...DD has gone through a terrible time of MH problems which she has had to learn to manage. She did punch me a couple of times, but the second time I told her I would get the police involved if she did it again. She knew I meant it. I told everyone what she had done. I was not going to be bullied by her illness or let her take me down that road. There is never, ever a good reason for your child to try to resolve their problems with punching someone.

I cannot fathom a parent who would respond with victim blaming when their child does something like that. We have precious few opportunities to get them and keep them on the straight and narrow, to be tolerant and understanding of others, before all the influences of the wider world start pulling them away.

I feel sorry for the boy who threw the punch, he isn't really being parented imo. I hope the manager of the soft play place threw them out!

Curlyweasel - I've had a lot of great conversations in my head since it happens where I replay the scene and come out with some clever and sensible remarks to the mother and came out on top. Sadly I was too on the back foot and surprised by her reaction that I mainly did a goldfish impression with my mouth a bit like this

What did the manager say?

'Got in his space'? at softplay? A public, shared space??? So by that logic your son should have whacked him straight back as by hitting him he has annoyed your DS? The mind boggles at her logic! Did the Soft play manager intervene?

Keema To be fair, her reaction would have left most gobsmacked I think.
I'm guessing you didn't speak to the manager either?

I would have apologised profusely, got my child out and made them apologise, then taken them straight home in disgrace where we would have had a chat about never ever hurting anyone.

This kind of thing happened to me in a local park. My 2 boys were playing quite nicely with another little boy and then I realised his dad was telling them off. They ran away from him and I went over to see what had happened. He said they had both been punching his son so I apologised and said we'd go home. Marched both boys home (one screaming and shouting all the way) and had a chat about never hurting anyone and never playing any games that involved hurting - as I'm pretty sure it was a game that got out of hand.

Since then I have been a little wary that they may hurt other children so I was a bit concerned in a soft play area when a boy told his mother 'a boy hit me.' I was waiting for her to ask which boy etc (although my 2 were in another area so I was pretty certain it wasn't one of them) but instead she said, 'So? Hit him back.' She had no idea who had hit him or what had happened. Her son was about 6 and there were little toddlers in the area, who she was giving permission to her child to hit. I didn't hear anyone scream afterwards though so I don't think her child did it. Later he was playing quite nicely with my boys but I would have preferred them to have stayed away from each other!

Ds2 was attacked by 3boys on his way home from school. 2 were egging on the third who hit him across the head with a rock. Ds2 is 11.
I knew the parents of the 2 doing the egging on.
The first parent apologised, the second said"it didnt happen, ds2 was lying, ds2 was confused, her son wasnt involved, ds2 had deserved it".
I informef him that there were witnesses and I was calling the police.
His dc has since been seen hurting others and vandalising property and equipment. Apparently everyone is wrong though

I would've been mortified if it was my DC in this scenario. I'm so sorry, OP. I hope your DS is all right.

The manager was useless. He said 'well it sounds like there may have been fault on both sides'.

I stopped gold fishing enough to say 'unbelievable' and I walked off to clean up DS's nose and leave.

I won't go back there again, but I've been mulling it over since it happened and wondering whether what I would've done was so extraordinary.

Take heart OP, your boy may have a nosebleed but it will heal and you'll both be fine. The other boy's Mother has many years of confrontations and disappointment ahead of her.

I would say how the 'mother' justified the punch....

That yes as pp says she's in for some troubled waters.

Soft play.... shudder

My child would be made to apologise and if not we would leave.

Soft play is hell on earth as its a place where parents deny all responsibility for their children as soon as cappucinos and sofas are involved.

There was one occasion I remember (my children are older now) I saw my toddler surrounded by older boys and was a bit suspicious. He came down the slide and I asked him what they were doing - the little shits had surrounded him and wiped snot on his face. I marched over to his mother and said this is disgusting he needs to be told. She said what can I do its his birthday. WTF. I see asbos in the future.

That's horrible Keema, your poor DS.
There are some mean people out there, and I have no idea what can be done about them

It's Soft Play. Every child is being loud, annoying, and bouncing off the walls. That's not an excuse to punch someone.

That mother is in for a rough ride later, and will have no one but herself to blame when her child is out of control.

unbelievable! Your son did nothing wrong. That is terrible. I do feel very sorry for that boy, being encouraged on all sides to express his frustration with aggression. What hope has he got of turning out ok?

That's dreadful I hope your son is ok.
Same as the above really if any of my children did that, they'd be made to apologise, I would apologise then take them straight home and remove all privileges.