To not send my 11 year old into school today

[knackeredknitter]

I sent in his brother(ds2) on his school transport wearing the 11 year olds ds shoes by accident. Their shoes are identical just different sizes. It would talk me an hour to get to get to ds2's school, then another half hour to get to ds1's school. Ds1 also has PE today, and has anxiety issues related to that, he can't handle sports (he has ASD) and not good at getting changed, which the other boys have picked up on. So all in all, the impossibility of getting him there on time (which would set up more anxieties), being late for getting dressed for PE, being late for school so I decided he could stay home, since he was coughing anyway.
I know it was my fault.
But the shoes are identical, will be keeping them in different places from now on by the way.
AIBU?

Feel terrible about this by the way, the guilt is overbearing

If it was just the shoes I would have sent him in in his trainers with a note. Has he just started secondary school? I know that the ASD complicates things, especially if its the kind of place where teachers are likely to come down on new kids like a tonne of bricks for wrong uniform. How supportive are the school re: changing for PE, adjusting to new routines, etc? Sounds like he might need extra support to settle in.

Yes YABU. A child can't miss out on their education just because they do not have regulation shoes. Send him to school in trainers with a note to explain why.

The PE issue is a bit out of my realm, but he has to do PE so missing it today will not help him in the long run. Can you set up a meeting with the PE staff (I am assuming he is at secondary school) to discuss his issues?

Yanbu.if he's going to be worked up before he even gets to school then I can't see how going is going to serve any purpose other than to upset him more.

he is coughing
have a day off
dont beat yourself up
put the shoes in different places from now on

I think you've done the right thing, yes it is something he needs help with and can't avoid PE in the long term. However sending him in when he is already anxious would not be helpful for him.

Agree speaking to the school SENCO or Pastoral Support may be an idea.

Don't feel guilt though - sounds like you have his needs foremost in your mind.

YAnBU, you have judged that there is too many things for him to be anxious about today and you know him best.

YANBU as a fellow parent of a child with asd we know our children's limitations and if you pile on too many things to be anxious about it makes it harder in the long term. My dd would never cope with not having the right shoes-as small as an issue it seems, but to add on being late and changing for pe ect she'd just be in bits. Don't feel bad.

Thank you!
Am crying with relief, don't feel so bad now.

Can you put some bright coloured stickers on the in-sole of one set of shoes?

YANBU.

BUT moving forward you need to address the anxiety issue so that this doesn't turn into a big thing. Have a chat with the school and ask for a few tips for you at home (how to respond to him when he tells you he doesn't want to do PE, etc) and let them know they need to support him at school (monitor the changing room situation so it doesn't escalate, give your son support where suitable, etc).

But don't beat yourself up over today.

You've weighed up the pros and cons and made the decision that sits best with you and your LO. Nobody needs that much anxiety. Relax and spend time together, forget all about it.

He would have arrived in a state, it would have escalated,and he would possibly have ended up in meltdown by the end. It would have been a terrible day, in short, but worse than that, it could have made his anxiety around PE and school worse for the rest of the year.

You made the right call. Now relax, get some stickers for the shoes sorted out and do something nice with him.

he has ASD, presumably Like my son, he copes less well with an illness because of his sensory issues and disability.