AIBU to wonder why there are so many AIBU posts are against in-laws?

[DorisIsALittleBitPartial]

Every night there seems to be a couple of new AIBU posts against in-laws.

Surely when you marry you take on board your DH's family too, in the same way your DH takes on board yours?

I love my FIL to bits, but he can be a royal pain in the butt. I know without asking that my DF could be difficult but DH always took it with good grace and patience.

Maybe I'm being a bit sentimental, because DFIL is the only IL left on both sides and is in poor health but even before his health was bad I always tolerated him when he was being annoying. Maybe having lost DM when we met I knew that he wouldn't be around forever and wanted to make the most of happy times.

They are from a different generation to us, have lived to a different set of rules and all too often have more time on their hands then they know what to do with, and that can create mountains out of molehills. Shouldn't you just accept their ways because you respect DH and therefore his family? They formed the person he is, after all.

I hope I'm not going to get flamed for asking this... .

For me the biggest difference is that if I have a problem with something with my parents, I can talk to them openly and honestly about it (grumble/ complain or moan to them) and they will not take offence or get upset etc.

With the ILs, I have to bite my tongue, walk on eggshells or just not be honest for fear of offending or upsetting them.

There are no major problems as the ILs are nice, but they are much harder work. I would never walk away from my family, but don't have the same connection with ILs and feel that I 'can't be doing with grief' from them.

, take a new grandchild for a walk or bring the children out for a treat without DIL coming

This hit a nerve for me. My parents would never want me out of the way when taking their grandchildren out. My ILs don't want me around when taking their grandchildren out. It fuels a resentment.

I don't mind either going out without me, but I HATE the not being wanted feeling. It's hard to put into words..,

I generally get on well with my ILs and I would consider we all have a good relationship with each other but there are times that I feel under pressure because my MIL can be very controlling and will try to undermine me even in my own house. Nothing outright nasty just trivial stuff on the whole but we have clashed before over parenting styles

Usually I just try to let things wash over me but i'm starting to assert myself more as I think respect should be a two-way street.

IMO -toxic / abusive types aside when 2 families who have different takes on the world are put together those differences are highlighted - more so when dc are involved - and when one family imposes it's view of how you should live and raise your dc on someone from another family / viewpoint (as the inlaws have a vested interest in the lives of their ds/dd and subsequent gc ) then it can easily cause tensions - heck it happens within families let alone in law relationships.

Differences definitely become more apparent when it comes to parenting approaches and the bringing up of dc.

I don't like my MIL and I get very upset about it as I desperately want to. I hate the thought of being in the same dynamic with my boys when they are grown up. I have tried really hard to accommodate her but she is toxic. Recently she pretended my SIL had cancer and it was the last straw. I am convinced that she has some form of munchausens, and she is unpleasant about both of DH's brothers to us in turn ie one visit she will praise one and slag off the other then vice versa. DH does not have a good relationship with her and neither is he close with his two brothers and it is really sad. My DS's live spending time with family and I do think it is a shame that we are all missing out, a lot of the reason they aren't close is due to their mother (and father, but DH does not see him and hasn't for years now)

Externalwallinsulation I certainly don't have a rosy relationship with my ILs and that was my point. FIL is actually a lovely man but very far from perfect. I know that lots of IL relationships are fucking awful to say the least, but I did post that I wasn't talking about these relationships in this context.
There are real major problems with my FIL that have escalated in the past and continue to this day. I take offence at your saying I self-congratulate myself, I don't. I want DH to be happy and stable above anything else and if that means putting up with FIL's shortcomings then that is the way it is.

Oh, and talking about "ILs", there are no ILs on either side anymore, and that in itself creates a very far from perfect world.

Because without the loving history of growing up with them, its harder to tolerate their annoying habits. That said, I do very much like my in-laws.