To think this is unfair (money related)

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

DCs go to nursery where I work so all fees come out of my salary directly.

I used to work 3 days a week and pretty much all my salary went on childcare (about £180 a week)

When DH was made redundant I went full time temporarily but when he got a job the kids went into nursery full time. Again the fees (about £300 a week) went out of my account leaving me very little 'spare cash'. I do get the child benefit in my account plus £150 a month from my dad.

DH, on the other hand, pays £500 into our joint account to cover bills & household expenses and a now we've taken a loan out to consolidate our debts he pays that too (about £200 a month).

DH earns about £5k pa more than me so AIBU to feel that I've been paying way over my share of expenses and to be a little annoyed about it. We've never really combined all our finances and don't really discuss spending other than what's needed for the household.

Obviously there's no solution to what's happened, I can't demand DH gives me money back but AIBU to be a bit annoyed by it?

Why are you getting £150 a month from your dad?

Have you spoken to your DH about financial matters at all? It seems like a moot point if you haven't yet communicated about it.

If you've never discussed it, you can be annoyed with the situation, but it doesn't sound like there's a reason for you to be annoyed with your husband.

If you feel like it's unfair, and it can see why you would, then you need to have that discussion and think about how you'll move forward into a position where you don't feel it's unfair.

What does your DH spend his 'spare' money on?

In my house we don't care who pays what as long as the bills, food and other things are paid.

What's left over we split 50/50.

I'm more shocked at your dad giving you £150 a month.

Your dad gives you £150 a month? Why?

I don't know why people bother getting married if they have separate money.
Either pool it or share it out fairly.

My dad likes to help with nursery fees I've told him he doesn't have to but he seems happy to do it.

I guess I'm annoyed with DH because I expected him to realise how little money I have each month (I know, I know, never expect people to be mind readers). He knows roughly how much nursery fees are.

I did tell him I was feeling a bit like I'd been paying over & above my share & he just sort of shrugged at me.

Luckily the situation is changing, I'm back to part time again and DS1 has started school (is going to CM but those fees won't come out of my salary directly). But I want to make sure everything is fair from now on, I can't change what's happened.

Have you ever discussed it? If you haven't then YABU.

My husband and I have individual accounts and a joint account but all money is shared so if one is a bit short the other will pay.

I'm also intrigued about the £150 from your dad.

Cross posts.

You need to have a frank conversation about money. You need to work out all your joint income/ outgoings and work out what is fair for you both to pay,

Your dad sounds lovely.

You need to speak to him directly op.WrWrite down what comes in and goes out of each salary then discuss the difference.

Why are people so interested in the money from dad? If he wants to give it then why not? My parents do 1 day childcare per week because, shock horror, they offered and like to do it.

So from what you've said, you are earning about £19,000 gross a year (just over £300 a week after tax) and your husband is earning £24,000 (£370 a week after tax).
Your salary is all on childcare. You mention children in plural so if you have 2 kids your child benefit would be £34.05 a week which is around £148 a month. Plus the £150 you get from your Dad.
So (presumptions, I know) your amount is: £298 a month.

Your DH spends £700 a month on joint bills and joint debts.
His monthly income minus this is: £903

Is this about right, OP? If so your DH has 3 times the amount of disposable income that you have, which is not on at all

Is childcare not considered a 'joint expense' that your DH also has to pay half of?

Unless I am reading this wrongly - you pay £300 a month nursery fees - which is £3600 a year.

Your dh pays £500 a month household and £200 for a joint loan - so £700 a month total. £8400 a year.

You say he earns 5K more than you (is that including the money your dad gives you an Child Benefit?). So if you take away 5K from his outgoings he pays £3200 a year - so his left over income should be only £400 a year more than yours (which is £33 a month. That sounds reasonably fiar to me.

Of course if you are only comparing earnings when you say he has 5K more than you, and not counting the money from your dad and CB then you are around 2K a year (or £150+) better off than him.

So, unless you have missed out huge expenses somewhere that you pay out, then it doesn't sound like you are being particularly hard done by.

Oh. £300 a WEEK. Yeah, that is different... Ignore my careful figures above! (I was wondering why you were paid so little for 3 days a week!)

My Dad sends me money too, I don't think it's that unusual is it? Though I don't have a DH or partner that can help financially. I still think he'd send me money if I wanted or needed it though.

I don't get the either Bob after reading the teenager thread going on all weekend about how much dc cost for expensive hobbies and treats I'm surprised anyone would bat an eyelid that the op's dad helps her at a time she actually could use it.

I was confused by the weekly / monthly expenditure too.

Yes OP it is unfair that you're paying out £200 a month more and earning £400 a month less or maybe closer to £150 less including cb etc. Either leaves him with considerably more personal spending money.

You can't undo the past but do talk to him and renegotiate things so that you're on fairer ground.

Are the children in full time car now whilst you have reverted to part time working? If so, is there a reason you are paying for childcare when it's not needed to work?

If that's not the case from what I understand you pay £180 a week so £720 a month but deduct £150 from your dad so £570 is your contribution. Your DH pays £700 so pretty even. If was unfair whilst you were paying full time but that's no longer the case and you can't really backdate it now.

What are you new costs, presumably less than £700 if one child is at school and you are back to just needing a few days childcare. If it's less than £700 you'll be paying less anyway.

If you don't want to share an account and many don't, then the fairest thing to do is add up all costs and split 50/50.

I'm a bit confused....So when the DC are at school will you be getting the better deal?

I'd suggest you suggest to your DH that you do a complete money makeover MoneySavingExpert Info HERE. This would be useful for anyone and would also provide good starting point for discussing your finances properly.

Once you know exactly where you money is going you will be able to decide whether things are fair or not.

It depends what your DH is doing with the leftover. Is he saving any of it, for holidays/house dep/car etc.... Or is he wasting it on whatever he wants?

You need a talk and a spreadsheet. Total incoming, total outgoing, what is left, what you want to save (short and long term) and split the rest for frittering.

You're right, you can't turn back the clock, but you can change it going forward.