Anyone had success with wind pollination?

[nothankswerebritish]

AIBU to want to get pregnant straight away after dc's birth but preferably without having to have sex for at least six months? My nuffty will clearly be sore again and I will obviously be tired again. Trivial I know, but oh very important. Anyone had success with wind pollination?

Please tell me what wind pollination is, it sounds amazing

Fwiw, my fanjo was good to go 2 weeks post birth, stitches and all but I know I was VERY lucky with that one

Yes, many acres of wheat and barley each year

I beg your pardon?

I could lend you a very farty dog, but I'm guessing that's not really what you're after

I thought this was going to be about trees...

Wait six months?! I've had three kids and never waited longer than one month. To do the deed, not to get pregnant. We were supposed to wait six weeks.

Have you tried wine? Will be a long time without wine so I reckon you should start with the wine right after the birth and keep going until you're pregnant again and have to stop. Remember you will need to get 18 months worth of wine drunk in the brief gap in the middle. That should help. Oh god I can't wait til I'm done and can have wine again. I'm only 7 weeks.

mishmoosh OMG are you like the bionic woman with miracle fanjo-healing components or summat? With stitches too? We may need to patent your nether regions and develop critical larder stocks of whatever we come up with so as to spread the luck around the rest of us!

catsofa I like the idea of wine. It is a good one. It can act both as social and physical lubricant. Although it might stain the sheets and I don't fancy using white wine as I think it is more likely to destroy impede the motility of the little critters and render the whole exercise useless. Although I wouldve had wine, so I guess there is an upside.

I refer to wind pollination as that thing that happens to some teenagers people who swear blind all they did was lie next to or on top of each other or hibernate for too long in the wet patch or summat, and lo and behold they got a baby out of it. I want that sort of conception.

That's brilliant :D

But I second the wine advice if you weren't blessed with a Kevlar Coated fanny such as mine

It works when growing sweetcorn

Turkey baster? Can you get very small soft turkey basters?

I'm not sticking a turkey baster full of spermatozoa up my nuffty. Unless DH does it while I'm asleep, so I don't have to be paying attention? Although frankly that would just be creepy. I suppose foreplay with a turkey baster might be interesting, but where the feck are you're supposed to find the time for that..?

Oh, turkey basting conception should be a thing. Generally speaking.

My mind is buzzing with the idea of what might constitute foreplay with a turkey baster...

Summat ticklish, mrswembley? OR might be more in the line of "you will do the cooking tonight, darling?!" That will probably get many a woman's bees buzzing.

I should probably have given this thread a different name. But I wasnt thinking straight! Sweetcorn and barley wasnt really what I had in mind, but I do now feel like making vegetable soup for lunch.

I did come here expecting to give gardening advice...

Nice to know about the sweetcorn, though. Haven't tried growing that yet. Thanks, Witch!

Lol.