I know IABU but I'm a bit fed up of this

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

I can't ever say anything in RL so I need to vent on here.

Whilst I am very grateful to DFil for walking the dog for me if I want to go out for the day, I would also be quite grateful if he didn't continuously let himself in at any other time. And I mean any time.

Popped upstairs for a shower after I dropped the dc's off at school this morning. Came downstairs in my dressing gown - thank god it wasn't just a towel - to make a cup of tea and there's DFil making himself at home with a cup of tea and the paper.

It's now almost every day. I hear the key go in the lock and in he strolls. And then he'll want a cup of tea and the paper and I feel mean if I don't sit and make conversation. DMil died a couple of years ago and whilst DFil does live quite a busy and active life I automatically feel obliged to stay and keep him company.

Sometimes he'll call in at nine o'clock at night if he's passing. You feel like you can't relax.

I can almost hear DMil telling him not to intrude and to bugger off.

I can't ever say anything but I just don't want him turning up all the time unannounced. I think he thinks that his sons house is his house. Well it's my house too and I don't really want guests at all hours. But I can't really say anything so I need to deal with it really, don't I?

Latte I did answer the last message, was there another one?

Why do people think it is acceptable to just wander into another persons home? You have to tell him it's not his home to come and go as he pleases and you are entitled to privacy, you are not a pensioner community centre.

My pils do this. Drives me bonkers. They'd be horrified if I did the same to them. I haven't yet had the balls to try, just to make a point, but if I have to dive for my dressing gown one more time as fil wanders in on a Saturday morning, I might be tempted.

My aunt had this situation with my grandad a number of years ago. They solved it by asking my nana to give them a ring when grandad was next popping round so they could prepare.

They then took all their clothes off and starting going at it like rabbits on the stairs in front of the front door. Grandad got an eyeful when he let himself in, was hugely embarrassed, and never popped round without ringing first ever again...

bloody hell lurkingbear that was daring!! Not sure I'd have the nerve to take it that far but certainly would be double locking the door. Or changing the locks!

lurkingbear

I'm not going that far!

DFil would probably find it hilarious. He'd dine out on that one for years. He'd tell everybody he knew about the time he walked in and caught our naked backsides going up and down on the stairs. No way!

Just get a bolt/chain.

Tell him he has to knock and that he cannot just let himself in.

He needs to be told that he can't just come in and out of your house as he pleases. Sounds like he has got into the habit of it and assumes you don't mind.

I had a similar problem with an elderly relation who lived in the same town as me. She was always popping round unannounced, esp when ds was a baby. She drove me mad, but at least she didn't let herself in. I had to tell her to telephone me first, but she rarely did. In the end, she went to a nursing home so the visits stopped.

The main problem with her was that she wasn't very nice and said horrible things about my mum :(

YANBU. But if you need him to walk the dog occasionally, can you install an extra lock on the door which you use whenever the dog doesn't need walking and not give him the key for that one?

If you're home either use that lock or bolt the door. Or both.

Yes i was going to say let him walk in on you and DH in the act. SIL now calls and knocks before poping by. It really is very effective

MIL used to do this. In teh end, dh took her key. It dragged on for several years though and was a nightmare for me, as if dh and I were both at home when she appeared, he would just wander off and leave me to it. Divorce was close.

MsAdorabelle - perhaps you could change the locks - tell your FIL that you lost yours and need to change the locks for security reason, and that you only got 2 keys with the new locks, so can't give him a key - and then keep on 'forgetting' to get one cut for him.

Or put bolts on the doors, and bolt them when you don't want him wandering in.