Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that when you owe someone money

41 replies

Notsurewhattothinknow · 08/09/2014 11:30

You pay it to them when you said you would?

Nc'd for this as don't want to out myself. Backstory - I regularly pay for things which a friend then pays me their half of. The amount varies each month so I typically email them (at their request, so they remember Hmm) with how much to transfer to my bank account.

Friend has a history of forgetting until reminded - I don't believe this is intentional or malicious in any, they are just not the best at remembering to do stuff. Or reading emails.

Anyway, last week payment day came and went with no transfer. So next day I politely texted and said, 'could you please send me this month's money'. No response. That evening I got a phone call and it transpired friend has a cash flow issue, understandable, could they pay me today instead? As a one off, that was fine, although I would have preferred advance warning. Friend has told me they set up the transfer yesterday on the phone to go to me today. All good. Except nothing in my account - now I know it's only late morning, but most bank transfers by faster payment arrive first thing in my experience. And I need the money because I've got things I need to pay for myself.

I've texted again and asked if they were given any indication of what time the transfer would be made. I'm thinking were they told, 'within 24 hours' or 'during business hours' today. I'm also worrything that something has gone wrong - my bank was doing maintenance to its website overnight. I got quite a nasty text back stating they didn't appreciate being hassled first thing in the morning and it was a sad indictment of my lack of trust in them, they told me the transfer would happen today and could I prove how much they owed me if that was my attitude.

AIBU to think that when someone has done you a favour that you might be a bit more apologetic if the payment hasn't been made, rather than having this attitude with the person you owe money to?

Sorry that was so long.

OP posts:
Flipflops7 · 08/09/2014 13:14

YANBU, and terminate the arrangement as soon as possible. I wouldn't go batshit personally but would quietly let the friendship go. I think, no I KNOW, that at some level most people know when they have crossed a line.

helenthemadex · 08/09/2014 14:25

I often have transfers to my bank account that do not go in until the afternoon so I would probably have waited until the following day to ask about it.

The fact she is asking you to prove how much they owed would make me think she has not done it. I would not have anything out with her but I would be inclined to let the friendship slide

Preciousbane · 08/09/2014 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notsurewhattothinknow · 08/09/2014 17:00

We're good friends and flatmates - the bills are in my name and she pays me her half. That is going to change!

OP posts:
hormonalandneedingcheese · 08/09/2014 20:41

YANBU OP, I'm glad it's going to change. Have you had your money yet and told her?

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 08/09/2014 20:55

Oh I see. Hmmm, whose name is the tenancy in? I'm not sure I'd want any of the bills put in her name because you'll have no idea if they have been paid or not?!

How about she pays you a 'fixed' amount on x date (before the bills are paid), then pays the difference once you know the actual amount?

CrapBag · 08/09/2014 20:56

YANBU and I suspect the shitty text was precisely because it hasn't been transferred.

This rang a lot of bells with me. Not money but an item. I leant it out a long time ago. I was definitely a loan as the person asked if they could borrow it and I said fine but I did want it back. A while later this person told me they leant it to someone else! I hate confrontation so just didn't say anything (like wtf are you doing lending my stuff out!). After a little while had passed I messaged her saying I would like it back and kept getting "oh yeah I'll have to get that off x" They always forgot. I have been chasing it for a long time. A little while ago I sent another reminder and got a huge shitty message back saying they had no idea it was a loan etc etc. It was always clear it was borrowed, not once in my reminders/asking for it back did they ever say they thought I had given it to them. It has changed my view of them sadly. I said they had asked me to borrow it and the reply was 'oh I probably forgot". No apology at all. A few days later, texts coming through as if nothing was wrong. I still don't have my item back and I am actually too afraid to remind them, yet again. I know they won't remember off their own back as they never seem to.

I certainly won't be lending stuff out again and this is someone who is supposedly a good friend.

Lweji · 08/09/2014 20:59

I hope the solution is finding a new flatmate, because I can't see how you will be able to control how much she does pay you or anyone else.

whatever5 · 08/09/2014 21:17

Perhaps when you pay a bill in future you should ask your friend for a cheque to cover their share. It is a bit more hassle but at least you know you have the money then .

CromerSutra · 08/09/2014 21:28

Oh dear, that is a frustrating situation, particularly if you live together. Definitely make some changes!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/09/2014 21:31

... and could I prove how much they owed me

Or to put it another way: "If I don't want to pay, you can't make me"

I'm really sorry, but she doesn't sound that good a friend to me ...

rainbowinmyroom · 08/09/2014 21:38

STOP the arrangement right now. It's too much stress. Get the money owed and change the arrangements and then tell her.

Jux · 08/09/2014 21:47

I had a flat mate like this. In the end, I was glad the tenancy was in my name only as I could give her notice. It started well enough, then she took her time paying, then she decided she didn't have to pay the bills at all because they were in my name. That's when I was glad to have the ability to kick her out.

FreudiansSlipper · 08/09/2014 21:49

Anewmeanewname

I was thinking drugs too Shock

Scholes34 · 08/09/2014 23:45

Why are you communicating by text? Is one of you a shift-worker?

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut · 09/09/2014 12:04

Ah, I suspected a flatmates scenario. Been there done that. My flatmate had shit credit so the bills were in my name and she set up a standing order to come in a few days before the bills' direct debits went out.

Is that a system that would work for you?

Or, if there's not a bad credit problem, maybe she can just take her turn at paying the bills and hope to God you're not as crappy a payer as she is Wink

New posts on this thread. Refresh page