to wonder when a ds can decide for himself...

[fcukip]

The amount of time he spends with his dad.

Right now its every other weekend. Ex has taken me to court repeatedly for fifty fifty. Though he's a good dad he's controlling of me.

I am flexible to a certain extent. Ex sees DS an extra evening but he keeps demanding more.

When can I trust DS to be able to decide the terms of contact between himself and his parents? He's five now.

Id stick to the court order in your case.

Ds1 decided on contact when he was 10.

Ds2 decided to change his contact to at his gps house at 9 and now hes 11 has just decided on eow, its gome from ew to 3 weekends a month and now fortnightly.

He still wont sleep at his dads and stays over at the gps across the road but has started going to his dads in the day

In answer to your original question your sons opinion will really begin to carry weight for the courts at around 10 to 11 years. So of it will come own to how mature your child is. My DD's opinion counted at 10, but all the evidence from her school etc, said she was very mature and really understood what she wanted.
What she wanted was Sunday night to Friday night term time in one place, every other weekend Friday to Sunday evening and half the holidays in whole weeks. This considered 50:50 shared care.

Lonecat was was it like before then and how has this worked out?

Not necessarily. Courts are actually moving towards shared care. It doesn't have to be 'moving between houses frequently' if the week is split half and half

According to gingerbread only 9% of separated families have a shared care arrangement (they consider shared care to be 3 days 3 nights with each).when you read mumsnet you could be forgiven for thinking it was the most usual arrangement and was the most likely arrangement to come across.

Precisely needs. It isn't that common. There's so much to be taken to account.

Unfortunately its rare one finds an ideal for all involved. But that's life. Ds actually sees his dad a lot more than some families with two parents. Its swings and roundabouts.

'Though he's a good Dad he's controlling of me.' I'm surprised that a few posters just picked out the first part of that sentence and ignored the second. You cannot be a good parent if you are abusive of your child's other parent.

The conversation has developed now, but I would have guessed straight away that his motivation for 50/50 was more about controlling and punishing you. Who would feel comfortable acquiescing under those circumstances? Especially if more access means finding more excuses to communicate with you. And with that type, you can bet that if 50/50 access didn't get under your skin enough, he'd start pushing for full custody.

fcukip prior to the current arrangement she was with me Monday nights, with her Dad Tuesday and Wednesday, with me Thursday night and then every other weekend Friday night to Monday am.
With me apart from holidays we were always at home, however, with her Dad she was at his house, his girlfriends house and his parents house. So some weeks in term time she slept in 4 beds.

lone but how adjusted is she with this arrangement? Has she taken it in her stride or has it impacted her?

singing you've got it in one. Where will it end? He had three days a week and then he took me to court for some residency. I fear he is trying to do the same again. The court order made it so that he wouldn't need to have face to face with me but he makes excuses, needing to collect things that are 'important.'

The reason she didn't cope with the previous arrangement was the chopping and changing. I am sure if 90% of the nights she had slept in her room at his house we would still have that arrangement. What she could not cope with was the four different beds in a week.
Sadly when she tried to raise with him how she felt other problems occurred which lead as down the legal route.