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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have another one ?

28 replies

Militarychaos · 07/09/2014 19:03

DH and I have 7 kids, we own our own home, claim no benefits, not even child benefit now. We all happy, ups and downs like any family has but nothing too bad. 20 years together , had a wobble after 15 and now we strong as a rock. The last 4 kids pretty much back to back age wise, but again all good the house is clean everything flows ok.
We had finished but we both secretly wouldn't mind one more before I'm literally to old, but, are we being unreasonable ? Is there just not enough space on this earth or is it natural and just ? I'd love to know what people will think !

OP posts:

DaisyFlowerChain · 07/09/2014 19:11

Environmental wise, it's very bad but not everyone cares about that so it depends on your take.

I can say, having grown up in a large family it's not something I would ever do myself. Little time for myself, no one to one time, no after school activities as impossible to cater for all and I know my sister found it even harder. The older ones end up being put on to look after the younger ones or have too many chores. It just felt like only the baby period was important.

Whilst not claiming benefits the cost to the NHS and education system will far outweigh any tax ever paid in.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/09/2014 19:20

Well I think you're mad

But if you are able to provide for another child and both want one, I don't see why you shouldn't.

How do your other children feel about it?

DontDrinkAndFacebook · 07/09/2014 19:21

Unreasonable and completely barking mad.

Mim78 · 07/09/2014 19:24

I don't think you're unreasonable if this is what you ant and can afford it/manage day to day.

But it would be too much for me!

Marylou2 · 07/09/2014 19:25

Why not If you've got the money, time and energy? I'm not sure I buy the NHS/Education cost argument as you're probably raising the high-rate tax payers of the future.How do your existing DC feel about it? Good luck to you, I'd have loved a bigger family but am incredibly grateful for my DD after IVF.

stillenacht1 · 07/09/2014 19:26

I couldn't do it.

DS2 is severely autistic. I couldn't risk having a disabled child again. With age etc those are obvious worries.

EmeraldLion · 07/09/2014 19:31

Worrying about the environment/not bring enough space on the Earth, after 7 dc, is kind of locking the gate after the horse has bolted

Thumbcat · 07/09/2014 19:34

I think you should ask your existing children how they would feel about it, rather than a bunch of strangers. If they're all ok with it and you can afford it then I don't see why not.

You are clearly bonkers though.

parallax80 · 07/09/2014 19:36

If I were in your situation I would consider myself very fortunate to have the children I did, and consider something like volunteering for HomeStart - your experience could make all the difference in helping someone struggling to enjoy and cherish their child/ren in the same way you have / do enjoy yours. Paying forwards a little, I guess. However, that's just me.

PeggyCarter · 07/09/2014 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mouthfulofquiz · 07/09/2014 20:29

Personally, I say go for it if you really want to and have the space!

Only1scoop · 07/09/2014 20:32

I'd ask the other siblings how they would feel. You must be secret lottery winners to afford another

seasavage · 07/09/2014 20:34

If you can provide for them. Yes, noone can really stop you.
You don't happen to live on a corner near a school do you? (Nosey me)

cherrybombxo · 07/09/2014 20:45

This might show how selfish (and childless) I am but after 20 years together... when will you get your life together back? Ideally - biology willing - I'd like a kid around 27/28, raise it, have all the good family times and then get my peace and quiet back with DP when the kid is grown up.

If you can support all your kids and you both want another then go for it. I think you're both crazy (joking, of course!) but you do what you need to do!

Fairylea · 07/09/2014 20:49

Do you want mine? .

If you can provide for them as you say you can then why the hell not? We need more children in the world being brought up by good parents like you. Next generation of good 'uns and all that.

Couldn't care less about the environmental issues - the world is polluted and overused in a billion ways as it is, if we all worried about our impact to the extent of child bearing we'd not have any children at all.

TheAwfulDaughter · 07/09/2014 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Iggi999 · 07/09/2014 20:52

Seriously how do you divide your time between them? I feel spread too thinly with just two.

Linguaphile · 07/09/2014 20:52

Well, having grown up in the US near some very conservative religious communities, I know more than one family in the double digits with kids... so 8 is comparatively tame.

I love kids and would probably have about 5 if I wasn't worried about cost, environment, etc. DH and I have decided that 3 is our max (we have twins now, so I want one more pregnancy!), and we've agreed that if we get the urge to have another later on, we'll adopt so that we can make a difference for someone. If you have the space and resources, would you be open to adopting or fostering a kid in need of a good home instead of having another of your own?

HilariousInHindsight · 07/09/2014 21:08

Why not?

If you can provide for them it's your call although agree with pp's about asking your existing kids their thoughts.

We will have 2/3 with 4 at the biggest push (i.e twins) but any more I couldn't evenly spread out my time.

My friend is one of 7 and although it annoyed him when younger as an adult he loves having a lot of siblings with different personalities.

I don't think anyone has a right to judge - though of course it's human nature.

Congratulations on your 20 years by the way :)

startrek90 · 07/09/2014 22:22

If you guys are happy with it then go for it! I know people witgh lots of kids and people with none. Up to you.

As for those who start judging and talking about the environment and being generally anti-children (met a staggering amount now I am pregnant) just ignore them.

Wish you all luck. Congrats on 20 years!

MyBaby1day · 08/09/2014 20:32

CRAZY!

DanyStormborn · 08/09/2014 21:51

Yes having lots of kids isn't great in an over populated world...but in this country most people only have two and some have no kids so the odd person with lots doesn't really matter in my opinion. There's no way I could do it or would want to but if you can pay for them and cope with them then go for it!

Preciousbane · 08/09/2014 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 08/09/2014 22:26

Well first I would like to know how you give quality one on one regular time to the kids you have. I have 3 and it's a juggling act.

bellarations · 08/09/2014 22:32

I agree with people who say ask your other children, whilst I don't agree in letting dc rule the roost so to speak, this will have a massive impact in them and whether you agree it not, they will end up helping out and missing out on what is precious time already.
I have 5 dc, similar circumstances as you, and I feel guilt "every" day for not having the energy to fulfil what they all want. Time yes, to an extent, because I'm very organised during the day but it's hard work.
Talk to your children.

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