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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I BU to not show up?

4 replies

Darkandstormynight · 07/09/2014 01:50

Our church (Anglican) is going through a lot of transition, and there has been a lot of change/turmoil in the congregation.

I have just joined a committee there, I can't go into details as not to out myself, but it's a 'hospitality' group and we organise receptions after baptisms, weddings, etc. It's a very small church and usually only have half a dozen of these receptions a year, however it's already been a crazy month and there are three of these receptions for just this month alone.

I went to the meeting, the committee was very nice but disorganized. We agreed what food we were going to volunteer for, and we agreed that we were going to show up the night before to set up, bring the food Early this morning, and then show up again before the reception to help put everything out. I told them I had to pick up dc from school, so I would be there later, would that be fine, they would be there for quite some time.

So I pick up dc, and then call one of the committee members and ask if they still were there (it was 45 minutes later, but I thought they would be there for several hours). The member said, she wasn't sure, she just came HOME from there, and so did several other members. So I got in my car, raced over there, and no one was in the lot. Every one had gone already, only an hour after we said we were to meet, so I went home.

This morning Early I dropped off the food at the appointed time. All the food was already there, which made me think everyone brought it yesterday, even though they told us they wanted it today as there was no room in fridge. Also there was NO one from the committee there yet. The event wasn't for another hour and a half, so I asked the one person there could I be of any help? She she told me no, everything was handled, but she looked stressed, but as she wasn't of the committee, she just told me she didn't need help.

So I left. I went home. I dropped off what I promised to do And didn't go back. Everyone had our mobile numbers, and home numbers and emails. I know it wasn't deliberate, and I'm sure A called B and said they'd rather go at This time and news travelled (not to me) and everyone just showed up when they had decided. I don't think it was personal at all, though I do feel put out twice. I'm willing to help, but I have a family and if you can't even be there when you say you are going to be there and let me know what time you DO want me to show up, it's just frustrating!!

So was I BU to just leave and not go back an hour and a half later? I feel like I am, even though it was super irritating not to be in the loop and constantly turning up at the 'right' time which proved to be the 'wrong' time. Sorry so long.

OP posts:
grandmainmypocket · 07/09/2014 02:04

It is frustrating. Something similar happened to me today. I rushed around to accommodate a friend and then I wasn't needed, but it was too late.
You did the right thing. Don't let it put you off helping in future as you're trying to do a good thing. But make clear (delicately) that your time is precious.

DiaDuit · 07/09/2014 02:17

I'm not really understanding the issue- did you need anyone else to be there for you to drop off your food? As for racing over the night before- you had already been told that several members had already left. No-one told you that you still had to go- you chose to yourself despite already knowing they had gone.

AgentZigzag · 07/09/2014 02:27

If you get the feeling that it's a very 'relaxed' type of affair then they're hardly going to be getting pissed at you not turning up...whenever Smile

They'll be happy you wanted to help and turned up with food.

Just out of interest, what did you take along? Grin

Darkandstormynight · 07/09/2014 02:37

I'm sorry I didn't make it more clear. I've never been to one of the events, and I didn't want to be flaky as in saying I would be there and not show up. That's why I went over last night. When I said I would be late they assured me they would be there for several hours, but after one hour they were already gone.

I didn't need anyone to be there for me to bring the food, but we were supposed to drop off the food at 8:00 and then set everything up. I was there a few minutes after 8, and no one was there yet. I waited a bit, but as I am new to the group, I didn't want to start setting up the food so early and I had no idea where they wanted chairs, etc. I was basically there as an extra set of hands.

I brought two large veggie trays from Costco :)

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