Please Help! Desperately need advice

[HONEYBUG]

My DD, 9 years old she is sociable, have many friends, a very happy child however there is one little thing. All her friends have brother or sisters or both, she always says she is very happy on her own and she wouldn't want to have any sibling, this means she is very attached to us. She is very independent no problem having friends etc when she went on a Brownie holiday for two days, she came back very happy but said she would rather come home to stay over and then join Brownies in the morning again. Recently, she is getting worried that she and her best friend might not go to same secondary school as our catchment areas for secondary schools are different, well this is a possibility it started to worry me that she is already making plans not to split up with her friends. I keep telling her that we have two years time yet to think of your secondary school but I don't want to lie to her and let her carry on with her plans. Anyway we decided that we will not talk about it until the right time comes. Now she desperately wants to have a dog, she used to be very scared of dogs but she got used to them now and she wants one now. She says she and her dog will be perfect company, she is talking about taking her dog to the parks, washing, cutting nails gosh she makes me exhausted! I feel for her that she has no one, we are not a big family, no cousins either and I am so tired of having friends over almost every day! Sorry about the long post! Shall we do it? What breed of dogs are child friendly?? Any experiences any ideas please
Many thanks

Also, my DH suggested that we borrow someone who might be going away pr smt and need dog sitting, and try this for a week. We never had a pet before, not used to having a dog at all. Any suggestions?

Labradors, golden retrievers, golden doodles, labradoodles, are fab family pets... word of advice... when going to see the litters, choose the one which carries on sleeping... not the one who comes bounding over to you! that reflects their personality and the placid, laid back, happy to sleep pup turns into a dog who is content with their daily walk and then just to chill at home with you. That's my experience, I am not a professional dog behaviourist.

Don't get a dog unless YOU are prepared to look after it. She will, sure as eggs is eggs, get fed-up with it after about 4 weeks. Also she wouldn't be able to walk it on her own, and I certainly wouldn't let her cut its nails

If you are prepared to have a dog as a FAMILY then by all means go ahead.

There's a service called Borrow My Doggy. It sets up people who need a bit of extra help walking and looking after their dogs, with people like you, who may be thinking of getting one. That may be an idea?

Also remember.......a dog can live for 15 years......by which time DD will be 24 !!

There are plenty of suitable dogs in rescue centres that need homes and will be matched up to you by the staff who evaluate them! Puppies are really hard work, especially if you have no experience with pets at all.
Definitely try dog sitting to see how it fits in with your lifestyle.

Many thanks, that's very good to know...I will watch out for that!

No offense planesick but that is terrible advice. Always choose the puppy that bounds over to you. The sleeping one is either poorly or has a personality not suited to kids! It is standard veterinary advice to never chose the runt or the quiet one. I seem many owners pick that one as it was 'sweet' or they felt sorry for it. Then I diagnose a congenital(and expensive) disease!

I think a dog is a lovely idea. But it's like another baby in the house so you have be as sure as you can be that it is suitable for your family.

Speak to the rehoming centres. I know Dogs Trust used to help you work out what type of dog would suit your life style.

If you have friends with a dog then go dog walking with them, spend time with them until the dog is comfortable to be with your family for a day/weekend.

It does not solve your secondary school problems but there are many dogs looking for a loving home and if you think you can all give a dog love and security then I am sure it will be beneficial both ways.

Just make sure this is not a fad/trend. Dogs are very popular suddenly in our school playground. Every week there's a new puppy. Seems to be the 'in' thing at the moment. or perhaps the mothers at our school are missing something to mother now the children are at school so the dog fills the gap?

When our boys were 10 we decided to get a dog. Now I was extremely resistant as I'd never had a dog and didn't really want one!

After a lot of research we decided to get a cavalier King Charles as they are a lovely friendly breed. We now have 3 of them and it was me that drove getting the other 2!!

I seriously could not imagine being without a dog now.

Jewels234 that's great info many thanks I will have a a look. And all other comments are exactly what I have been worrying about. What if she gets bored with it-she says she will never get bored! And the dogs become a big part of daily life, I work school hours but still can't catch up with all housework, arrangements with friends, laundry etc..it is just She would be soooo happy, the reason we consider a dog than any other pet is that their loyalty and really become a great companion, so confused !!

Sign up for barking mad to be a host family. They put dogs of people going on holiday with families that want dogs and it's a good way to see if she's serious, picking up dog poop etc is not all fun. Also, don't underestimate how much dogs hate being on their own, my retriever goes looking round the house for trouble if he's left 4 or more hours. I don't think it's a bad idea at all, but you all need a clear idea what you're signing up for!

I have a new-found love for whippets. They are gorgeous companion dogs.

www.whippetclubnsw.com/breed-information.asp

Agree that if you as a family want a dog then get one. Do your research though and find a good breeder (not one of these puppy show rooms that get theirs from puppy farms! ) I never wanted a dog but before we had children my DH was desperate for one as he had always had one. Did our research and settled on a cavalier king charles spaniel! He is such a lovely dog and family friendly. ...I still call him my first born and my 4 yeat old DD is best mates with him
Do get insurance though.....a lot of pedigree dogs are over bred and have problems. My little dog was diagnosed with a heart problem a couple of years ago (it is common in the breed).....thank god for insurance!

I did say I was not a professional.... hey ho!

I think you are all right- we need to be ready as a family, I am not comfortable with dogs myself, my husband doesn't mind yet he works long hours and usually works over the weekends so it will be mostly me !! And I'm dreading it however i like the idea of having a dog secretly, I think. Maybe it is a bit selfish thinking about it now, to have her company, a friend for her but also maybe it would give her some responsibility as well, I wouldn't even think of letting her walk her dog out on her own-all her friends started walking to school on their own since last year, she is not- this is 'in' at our school now. Pancake flipper I see what you mean by trendy thing, our school has strict policy no dogs allowed at school grounds, mind you her best friend has 2 dogs!! Cavkc, you really inspired me !

Do not get a dog. Just don't. I can't believe that PP think it will be a good idea. Given that it will be your and your DH responsibility you would both have to be actively wanting one, otherwise it's an indulgence for a spoiled child.

While I agree that everyone has to want the dog and have a realistic idea of what it's like to have a dog, it doesn't make op's dd spoiled to want one. My dh wanted a dog his entire childhood, I have female friends who list their dogs as the best friend they had whilst growing up. Just eyes open about the work and the mess involved. My local park has a dog who was chosen by a dd and she recently left home, her adores the dog all the more because she reminds him of his daughter, it's helped ease the empty nest feeling.

I have an only DD, we have 2 cats (new kitten just got recently). In my experience, they are a lot less work than dogs (you don't have to walk them), but they do need the same care and attention, and cost the same in vets bills and insurance etc. They live for a long time, 24 in some cases, so I'd say if you get a pet you do need to be prepared to look after them for the long term. I'm a cat lover, so I say cat,but dogs are great too! Just don't get it to ease her lonliness-get it because you love the idea of a pet and want to provide a loving, stable home. If dd is lonely, she can join a club or something.

Have to agree with gobby - please don't get a dog unless you are 100% sure you want one. I can't believe you have said I am not comfortable with dogs myself. Picture yourself looking after a puppy, taking it for endless walks, dealing with dog mess, coping with a sick dog etc etc etc.

My DS is an 'only' child, yes, he would love a dog but in a million years that would not happen.

Good idea to 'borrow' a dog as a trial or why not see if an elderly/lonely neighbour might like a bit of help dog walking.

Assuming that you have the time, money and commitment - and don't underestimate, it takes bucket loads of all - I would strongly recommend getting a dog.

I often find our teenagers curled up with our lab, telling him their woes and how much they love him. He's good for me too, nothing better than unconditional adoration, and the inevitable walking very good for physical and mental health.

Interestingly I had some friends kids stay for a couple of days recently, things are a bit shit at home for them right now, and they too discussed life, and their woes with our dog.

Yes they are a big commitment, but assuming that they are treated as part of the family, and prioritised accordingly they give so, so much. I work FT as does DH, we both have hobbies, charity work and sport interests, but we manage to to fit it all in, and have a very happy and contented dog.

When I first read this I thought how lovely, go for it! But then I noticed you have mentioned a few red flags that really changed my mind...

'She wants to wash the fog & cut it's nails'
Dogs aren't just play things, cutting their nails should be taken seriously as you can end up really hurting the dog. Not to mention not all dogs will be docile enough to let you do this, it might be a job for a vet/groomer.

'What if she becomes bored with it'
She will. Especially as she grows into a teenager. There will definitely be times where she's too busy/can't be bothered to take it for a walk, etc. then it will become your responsibility.

'The reason we've considered a dog more than any other pet is their loyalty, they be one great companions'
Get a cat. Visit your local RSPCA and explain exactly the kind of cat your looking for (a companion, one who will become loyal to your DD, a docile cat who likes being handled, picked up, brushed). They are trained to match cats and owners and if the right cat for you isn't there at that particular time they won't just fob you off with another, they'll ask you to come back every week until you find the fight one for you.

Also, I think that borrowing/sitting a dog is a really great idea but in all honesty it won't reflect the realities of having a dog as it won't show the length of time you'll have them! Dog sitting is a bit like going on a holiday; fun for a short length of time but it would be a totally different experience if you lived there. Some people would love it, others hate it.

You could volunteer as a dog walker for your nearest Dogs Trust. Sign up to walk a dog twice a week, then as you're walking make sure you express on her the fact that you'd have to do this twice a day if you owned a dog! Keep volunteering for a length of time, you'll have fun doing it, your DD will get to have some interaction with dogs and most importantly you can keep a critical eye out for whether her enthusiasm dissipates over time.

You never know, you both might love it! Either way it will enable you to make a better informed decision.

Good luck!

Your DD sounds like a very happy and sociable little girl - but you seem a bit "guilty" about the fact she is an only child and that you have few relations. Perhaps this is colouring your reactions about her desire for a dog?
Having said that (and I could be totally wrong) how long has she wanted a dog for? Is this fairly recent, or has it been going on for a while? Has she ever had any other pets?
I longed for a dog as a child - for years. Although my mum didn't work, my parents refused, saying it would be too much work. I dog-sat for other people and eventually got a dog when I was 10, thanks to an honorary aunt. So, not much older than your DD. And yes, I did look after him myself.
Dogs are fantastic companions, totally different to any other pet. But they do take a lot of time and commitment. The whole family has to be prepared for this - but the rewards are wonderful. I've had cats, guinea pigs, birds and hamsters and loved them all, but the love you get from a dog stands head and shoulders above them all.
As for the type of dog, think about the size of your house, how often you can walk it and for how long. Puppies are adorable, but you have to house-train them. Some breeds can't be left alone for too long while others are fine.
Oh - and picking up poop isn't a big deal! I can be very squeamish and thought it would be an issue, but it isn't. (last dog was back in th 70s/80s when nobody picked up poo)

We have been to our local park today, we saw many dogs around, she played with them we spent a good couple of hours there. Katiekaye, you are right I think it's my guilt partly to have her a companion, not having a brother or a sister that she will grow up alone. Reading all your comments which are all very good and eye-opening and after our park day today- I decided to put the dog idea on the shelves at least for now. I thought I could get used to having a dog, I would love the company too however it is a huge responsibility and they need utmost care, as much as a baby maybe and I'm not sure I can take it right now. It is the fact that we cannot have any more babies due to health issues my DH has had in the past, he is fine now but it is too late. Awsomer, many thanks for your comment spot on! I wouldn't let her cut dogs nails or take him out for walk or wash him on her own-no way, these are her fantasies of course when she is trying to sell me the idea of having dog that she would do this and that:))) no way she could do any of these:)
Many thanks for all comments and ideas you have put in, much appreciated.