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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To continue taking my DD to swimming lessons?

16 replies

UpUpAndAway123 · 06/09/2014 19:01

Hello,

Not the most interesting of AIBU but this is my first thread and really in need of some advice! (Apologies for typos in advance-on my phone!)

My DD is 4 years old and has been in current class for 1 year. Prior to this she did water babies from 4 months which she loved until she was about 18 months old but then started to hate-I persevered with the class on the advice of the teachers and 're-did' a few terms-it didn't help and she screamed every lesson and seemed to develp a phobia of water. We tried a couple more classes after that but she continued to hate the lessons and her confidence decreased even further.

Back to her current class; it is a small pool and class with 1 teacher and 4 children. Initially we had the crying but after a couple of lessons she started to enjoy the class and her swimming skills and confidence blossomed......that is until about 4 weeks ago. All of a sudden she seemed to be afraid of swimming unaided. When she is swimming with a woggle (foam spaghetti thing) she is fine but as soon as the teacher takes it away she screams and shouts 'I'm going to drown' and clings to the teacher for dear life.
We are just at a loss to what has happened as we know she can do it (she swam 25m on her own) and try to reassure her that she can do it but she just states that she believes she will drown. After the lesson I have been focusing on the positives rather than the screaming but today was particularly difficult to watch and the teacher doesn't have many suggestions apart from adding a few private lessons.

My mum thinks I should give her a break but I am not sure that it will help. I was thinking of taking her swimming more often away from the lesson and focus on fun rather than teaching her to swim.

Anyway, sorry for the long post and any advice will be appreciated

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 06/09/2014 19:07

I was thinking of taking her swimming more often away from the lesson and focus on fun rather than teaching her to swim.

Yes x 1000!

Swimming is supposed to be fun as well as a life skill

I have great memories of our Dad taking us all swimming when we were little. We learnt the kind of basics with him and then learnt to swim properly with the school.

All my DC did the same with us.

WorraLiberty · 06/09/2014 19:07

Also meant to say that confidence can really be built by just mucking around in the water.

cailindana · 06/09/2014 19:08

I'd give her a break. It is important that she learns to swim but there's a danger that by pushing it you'll put her off water altogether. Children seem to go through phases with water - my DS loved water, then refused to go in at 18 months same as your DD. I just backed off and now at 3 he absolutely loves it again. If she feels pushed and coerced it will only make the whole thing worse.

Bridezilla3521 · 06/09/2014 19:09

I definitely wouldn't stop her lessons, that would make it worse IMO. I would take her more often and make it fun, take floaty toys, ball etc. Do you know anyone who has children of a similar age? She may find it more exciting and it may act as a distraction if someone else she knows goes with her. Just an idea?

PlushSuppie · 06/09/2014 19:10

I also think it's fine to have a break. My ds is 6 and he's had lessons with 3 different swim schools, water babes being one of them.
He's had breaks in-between and doesn't seem to be behind his age group at all.
We're having another break from now over winter and will go somewhere in spring.
Also agree with just taking her for fun.

Stripyhoglets · 06/09/2014 19:10

Yes, just take her swimming for fun so she doesn't get scared of the water, let her use the woggle and just enjoy being in the water. One day she will want to swim again properly and when she does put her back in lessons.

Hakluyt · 06/09/2014 19:11

I would stop, unless you are a boating family or live near an unfenced swimming pool or something. The need for swimming lessons for every child is the bigggest con since bottled water.

ThePinkOcelot · 06/09/2014 19:14

Definitely yes to taking her yourself. I had to do this with my dd. I withdrew her from lessons for 1 set and took her myself. By the time I took her back to the next set of lessons she had got over her fear. She went on to get her Level 7 and is now a very good swimmer. It is definitely worth persevering with. Good luck.

LakeOfDreams · 06/09/2014 19:14

Take her swimming where there is no pressure. Also maybe look into different classes, a friend in New Zealand takes her baby swimming lessons but they teach life saving skills too. Not sure if pools do it over here but it teaches them how to roll and float if they fall in to water. Might build her confidence to do something like that if it's available

BettyFlour · 06/09/2014 19:18

I don't know tbh but I do know my son was very nervous but his teacher was amazing and at 5 he can swim unaided.

Is it possible to either 1) speak to the teacher and ask her not to push your DD to swim unaided or 2) change teachers to someone more cuddly/maternal/less pushy

I prefer the idea if sticking with the same teacher and getting her to get your DD more confident in the water first for 1-2 years maybe before forcing the swimming unaided.

shebird · 06/09/2014 19:20

It is perfectly natural to be afraid of water and a sense of self preservation has obviously kicked in with your daughter. This swim babes thing has always puzzled me as several of DDs friends were swim babes and their mums raved about the fact that they would breathe underwater and swim unaided as little babies. Fast forward a few years and they are in the same swim class as DD who started lessons at age 4 . I would continue lessons but also back this up with some fun time in the pool so she gets back her confidence in the water. Like all things it is a phase and will pass.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/09/2014 19:21

I'm a swimming teacher. I have one aim in all my classes - that the child wants to come back next week.
Just take her for fun.
I only took my dds swimming for fun until they were six, we went often though. They are not remotely 'behind' any of the children who have been in weekly lessons since they were 3 months old.

Ihatefootball · 06/09/2014 19:25

Arethereanyleftatall....you must be my kids swimming teacher. Let them have fun so they want to come back and pay another £6 , don't teach a
Them anything remotely useful so after two years of weekly lessons, they still can't swim a width.

We've stopped now.

Goldmandra · 06/09/2014 19:29

Children don't learn when they are frightened but they do have a natural drive to learn and make progress when they feel safe.

Your DD's teacher needs to change her approach so that your DD never, ever has to cling to her in distress. She needs to back off and allow your DD to choose when to let go of the woggle, even if that goes against the grain for her.

Once your DD realises nobody is going to insist that she does things that feel unsafe, she will feel safer and more confident and start to lead her own progress.

Only stop the lessons if the teacher refuses to let her take the lead.

In the meantime take her yourself and use lots of reverse psychology. Tell her you don't think she's big enough to do things she is confident to do and then be amazed when she demonstrates that she can. That will encourage her to work out the next thing to amaze you with, thereby working out her own next steps, pushing herself as far as she feels safe.

Original poster

UpUpAndAway123 · 06/09/2014 19:47

Thank you everyone for your replies
Gonna have a chat with hubby but think I will have a chat with the teacher to see if she can go at her pace and continue with the woggle until DD feels confident again. Also will take her swimming more for fun.
I am reluctant to stop the lessons as she doesn't object to going and enjoys seeing her swimmimg friends. If things don't improve or become worse then I will have to re think things.

OP posts:

campingfilth · 06/09/2014 19:52

Yes take her swimming outside of lessons, also take her swimming with kids that can already swim and have fun in the pool. My DS screamed through months and months and months of swimming lessons and it wasn't until we went with other kids that could swim and were visibly having lots of fun in the water did he start to get better.

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