To think that DP was being a selfish twat on our night out?

[Skylet81]

We both work full time and are both tired. He works days 6 days a week and I work a mixture of nights and days. Later this week I'd worked Wednesday night, got home Thursday morning and was back at work for 6.30am Friday. Considering I don't sleep well during the day or night I reckon I'd had about 4 hours sleep in the past 48 hours.

Well last night DP and I were set to go to a local "festival" in the city center. He came home from work and fell asleep for 3 hours on the sofa. Meanwhile I came home from work and had to make dinner etc. I was knackered.

So we gets to this festival and I said "lets do a bit of both, lets go around the festival (as he likes to do) and lets go in a few pubs and have a few quiet drinks too (as I like to do). He pulled a face.

First pub we come to he's like "lets go in here, use the toilet and buy a drink." Great I thought. So we go in, use the toilet and then he's ushering me out of the door. I say "thought we were staying in for a drink?" and he moans "oh don't you want to see what's going on at the festival??" I was like "yeah but we said we were doing a bit of both and you said we were starting with a drink in here?!" He got a face on but bought drinks and then sat there miserable saying you can have "quiet drinks" anytime. The problem is though, we don't as he won't go out unless there is some music or something going on and this does my head in because sometimes after a hard week at work I like to go out and relax.

So basically this continued all around the festival, trapesing from one stage to the next, saying "lets go in here and use the toilet and have a drink" before dragging me back out as soon as he'd used the toilet.

AIBU to think he was being a selfish twat? yeah this particular festival is once a year but a) there are many more like it and he goes to them all and b) we're going AGAIN tonight. AIBU to think he should have taken my feelings into consideration a bit considering it was supposed to be my night out too?

He's now not talking to me (again) because although he can take the piss out of me all night and accuse me of being an old woman for wanting to sit and have a quiet drink - he is ultra touchy, especially after a drink and after suffering many sarcastic remarks after everything I said I commented that "You're horrible after a drink." - well that's enough to send him into a sulk for days until I apologise

Yanbu. I probably would have just sat in the first pub on my own and sent him on his way.

YANBU, but why are you going out with him again tonight when he is refusing to even speak to you? Tell him to fuck off.

order a drink first then use the loo next time x he is being a dick by the way xx

Well I probably won't be going tonight to be honest, I just want to chill out tonight, not trapse around the festival again all night.

Infact I might take my lad to cinema instead. We're supposed to be taking the kids to the festival tonight but like me, my son would rather be nice and warm with a bag of maltesers and a big screen :-D

Are you a nurse by any chance. Sounds like you are both tired and little things become big things. I suppose any free time you have you will both want to enjoy what you like. But yeah he could have had one quiet drink with you and enjoyed the festival too.. I hope your ok

He does it a lot he's so selfish. We recently had 6 hours to spend in Bangkok before having to catch the plane. We went to Kohsan Road and I was desperate to go off and explore it, do Shisha, see it all. He on the other hand wanted to sit and mate for his mate to turn up - so we sat, at a bar, for 2 hours waiting for this mate and then DP "decided" we'd spend the rest of the 4 hours with him in a restaurant. I never did get to do Shisha.

Yes lilu, a nurse for all my sins :-) The hours kill me.

I also wouldn't bother going out again tonight as you'll likely argue or he'll sulk and you won't enjoy it anyway. Send him out and buy a bottle of wine for yourself then get an early night...so you're fresh to Hoover etc at 6ish while he has a thumping head. >>>I'm astounded at my own immaturity

I can kind of see his point as I think I would feel the same as him, what's the point of going to a festival with music if you're going to sit inside a pub? Had you agreed beforehand, knowing you prefer to be sat in the pub, that you would do a bit of both? I would probably feel a bit annoyed if I went out with the expectation that I would be out enjoying the music and actually the person I was with wanted to sit in the pub for half of it but if I knew that was the plan beforehand I would oblige willingly.

That said he was definitely being unreasonable to keep saying 'We're going in here for a drink' and then to leave as soon as he'd used the toilet. It's also unreasonable for him to expect a night out where he gets to choose exactly what to do without taking your preferences into account if he won't spend nights out doing what you want to do. If this is one of only a few nights out he'll agree to with you then he should expect to compromise with regards to what you're doing.

I would not be going out with him tonight after his behaviour last night and if he is sulking today. Do you have friends you could call to arrange a quiet night out at the pub with instead? Or have a nice night in on your own but it sounds like he is selfish and will only make you miserable if you have to spend tonight with him too.

Are you the poster who's dp is a bit obsessed with his workmates and arranged to meet one while waiting for a connecting flight instead of having a look around?
Regardless, yanbu. Me & DH enjoy very different things. I do mine mostly with friends - so does he. But if we had chance to both together we would split the time evenly. No arguments.
Also, sulking is bloody childish and there is no excuse for it. Children sulk (and are taught it doesn't resolve anything). It's just unattractive in a grown man. My grown up side wants to tell you to just tell him he's being a dick and that you're making your own plans tonight.
My childish side wants to tell you to ignore him completely, take yourself and do out somewhere nice for tea and to watch the film and switch your phone off. And when he complains simply smile and say 'but we weren't talking.."

You both sound a bit silly/sulky, IMO.

Well I know how I feel after nights days etc and it's awful. Nursing is so tiring and I don't blame you not wanting to traipse around a festival. Tiredness alcohol and conflicting ideas always ends in a fight :(

If you're at a festival, surely you go out and enjoy it, not spend your time in pubs you can go to every night? So I think you should have both gone to the festival, or, if it's not your thing, let him go on his own and you could have arranged to go for drinks with a friend.

I feel the same as your DH. Why choose the night of the festival to sit quietly with drinks in a pub!? I'd be irritated in his shoes and wouldn't want to waste time.

He'll sulk for days after taking the piss out of you all evening because you answered back (good on you btw)? YANBU. He sounds like a manchild. And he is telling you what he's like (it's all about him). Believe him.

Why on earth did you go with him if it's not really your "thing"?

If this is what he wants to do then let him, don't go with him tonight.

I can kind of see both sides here, but I think you were the slightly more U for agreeing to do something you didn't really want to when you were so tired as well. It was never going to end well was it?

I agree with googoodolly

I cant imagine going to a music festival and sitting for a quiet drink in the pub? they should be separate nights out and no wonder your Dp was getting arsey. Also you don't like the way he acts when he has a drink... so why convince him to keep having another drink?

I don't get it? I guess there must be a massive back story... based on he OP I think YABU.

I do struggle with the idea of going out to a festival only to spend ages sitting in different pubs - especially if you're both tired. And why do you want him to go to pubs and have drinks if he's horrible after a drink?

If this was just about you wanting to do something other than go round the festival then I would tend to agree with other posters. But taking the piss out of you all night and now sulking for possibly days on end for you telling him he was being nasty, is not a reasonable response to having to compromise for an evening.

This sounds familiar - like handbag said have you posted about this total knobber man under a different name?

Either way I cannot see what's in it for you, and if you are the poster I think you are I would have been running for the hills by now.

Why not travel together and then split up to do what each of you wants?

Before anyone says that they should do stuff together, they are not joined at the hip and they enjoy different things.

Just go and agree a time and a place to meet up.

Sounds like the festival isn't really the issue

Sounds like the issue is your tired, he gets to rest whilst you to the chores

I would be up for a festival too after a three hour nap

Perhaps address the inequality at home - he likely doesn't realise

If he doesn't have a drink in each pub,why does he need a wee?

We went to Kohsan Road and I was desperate to go off and explore it, do Shisha, see it all. He on the other hand wanted to sit and mate for his mate to turn up - so we sat, at a bar, for 2 hours waiting for this mate and then DP "decided" we'd spend the rest of the 4 hours with him in a restaurant. I never did get to do Shisha.

Why on earth didn't you go explore on your own?

If you didn't want to go to the festival, or were too tired, you should have said so, and let him go on his own.

Look, you've posted about him to the nth degree and always been told the same. Why are you posting now as if there is no back story? On the face of it, it's just incompatibility between social styles but in the context of all the other weird crap he does it's yet more selfish crapness.