Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ok, not Aibu just really need you wonderful advice

10 replies

Sharklover77 · 05/09/2014 22:44

Hi, long time lurker, needed new password so started from scratch. This might be long don't want to drip feed.

Ok so my ss has lived with me and his dad all his life, he has regular contact with his biological mother. She has always disliked me, understandable I suppose, I am living with the son she left. He calls me mum and everything for the past 11 years has been great, he is doing so well in school has great friends always busy at sailing clubs or sleepovers etc. So last week we get a phone call saying "ss does not want to come home" Dh was really shocked nothing has been mentioned about him wanting to live there, it would mean a change in schools, we will only see him once a fortnight. He has not started school, he is supposed to be having a meeting next week, so he won't be starting school for ages. We have not been allowed to see him or really speak to him properly, I don't know what to do? If he is happy then that is what we want.

I have called social services, they told me that as both parents has parental responsibility then what she is doing is perfectly ok, she can stop us seeing him and we will have to go to court, I know I am rambling on, I am trying to explain myself but it is just such am emotional time. I just cannot believe he just decided to stay there. We are not allowed to see him until next Friday, my oh asked if he could come over before his school meeting and we were told he haas things on. So no. I did not act like an adult I shouted down the phones she was a " fucking cunt" not big or clever but emotions got the better of me. We just miss him so much and it is the emotional effects this might have on him in years to come he is just a baby in the great scheme of things, but if he really wants to stay I don't want to drag him through the courts for him to decide to live there in the end.

Thank you for staying with me, basically how so I handle this for the best

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 05/09/2014 22:48

if she is stopping hos dad seeing or talking to him then I would be majorly suspicious!! sounds like some major poisoning and bribery has been going on.

LiberalLibertines · 05/09/2014 22:54

Can she really do this? What about school?

I'm not surprised you're devastated, what a shock!

Try not to despair, have you even talked to him on the phone?

Sharklover77 · 05/09/2014 22:57

My parents had a really bad break up when I was his age, so I am loathe to go driving to their house and take him home, that would be so distressing. Things happened like that to me and I was forced to say what parent I wanted to live with, maybe we are being to softly softly so I am worried he will think we don't care. My poor oh is so distraught it is so hard to watch his pain, I hate thinking that my ss is thinking we are angry or upset with him. I have text to say we are not upset or angry with him at all we love him and just want to talk but no reply, I don't even know if he has his phone.

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 05/09/2014 23:00

That's outrageous, and I really feel for you. If a non resident father did this I don't believe that social services would have nothing to do with it.

How come be hasn't started school yet? Are you in the UK?

Sharklover77 · 05/09/2014 23:01

According to social services she can, she can even stop us seeing him, we did talk briefly about seeking legal advice, she said if we do that she will not let us see him until it goes to court. Who does that?

OP posts:
Sharklover77 · 05/09/2014 23:06

My other children ( his half sisters) started school on Thursday, he was supposed to start school on Thursday with us. But apparently he needs to have a meeting next week with his new school and then he will start a week from the date do the meeting, basically he is just sat around playing computer games and whatever else he is doing, we asked "what" and was told he is busy! We asked if he could come and stay with us before the meeting but no, his other siblings are devastated our whole family is. It's just shit, he is my boy I love him so much.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 05/09/2014 23:58

His Dad can contact the new school and ask to come to the meeting. It's about his son and he has been his primary carer all his life so I don't think they can say no.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 06/09/2014 00:02

I would have been around there like a shot seeing what was going on. I would have spoken to SS because right now you only have her word that this is what he wants :(

hope you can get it sorted out.

wafflyversatile · 06/09/2014 00:23

OK it's possible this has come from your ss who has decided for whatever reason that he would prefer to live with his mum.

This seems doubtful though. This: we did talk briefly about seeking legal advice, she said if we do that she will not let us see him until it goes to court. Who does that? makes it seem like it's her doing. Why is she blackmailing you not to seek legal advice? do you have this on record?

I suggest you get legal advice. Other than that I don't know. I guess you have to go through the courts.

LiberalLibertines · 06/09/2014 08:33

Yeah,I think I'd just turn up there too, you may get to see him, you may not, but he will know you're trying.

I just find this shocking, he's lived with you his whole life :(

New posts on this thread. Refresh page