To keep watching sultry video of old flame on YouTube?

[FiddleDeeDees]

When I was 20 I had a holiday fling with a guy I met in Paris. It was lovely, magical even, but very clearly just a no-strings-attached thing.

Now almost 20 years on, I am happily married with two kids, and it occurred to me to google his name…and I found a video of him on YouTube. When I met him he was a film student, he is now a film critic, and it's an arty French kind of video of him not saying anything but just smoking and looking rather smoulderingly at the camera.

I did mention finding the video to DH - he is not at all the jealous kind and he was not remotely bothered at the idea of me looking up exes on the internet (I wouldn't be bothered about him looking his up either, it's only human after all…)

However I find myself repeatedly watching this video and thinking about the olden days when I would have flings with hot guys I met in Parisian jazz clubs…and even though I truly would never want to go back to those single days now, I feel guilty about watching the video in case it is disrespectful or even disloyal to DH.

Thanks for bearing with me rambling on. I guess I am asking, AIBU to feel guilty? Or unreasonable to keep watching it…?

I think in all honesty I would feel a bit uncomfortable if my dh was constantly (obsessively?) Watching a video of an old flame. Possibly might feel a bit strange even if it was someone he'd never met. Perhaps look at similar films of people you don't know and see if they are as enjoyable, if not I think I would find it a bit disloyal that you were so obsessed with this man

Oh I'd have watched! I would. And you're not alone in reminiscing on your past life and the whole rose tinted glasses. But, yangsun is right - it's probably not really on.

I think I need to see the video to judge properly (retains firm grip on judgey-pants).

Fiddle I think we may have to see this video before we can make a judgment call. Pls to be posting the link ASAP!

He sounds like a bit of a twat. Making videos of himself smoking and pouting at the camera. Film critic, jazz clubs......pretentious eejit!

That's all fine when you're twenty, at forty, not so much!

It was fine to look him up but not to repeatedly watch. Surely you have better things to be doing and this is not going to lead to anything positive for you.

We need to see it

I really really want to see!
My Dh used to work in Parisian jazz clubs twenty years ago. Eek

Haha doubtful. For the sheer chance of it, I really hope your now-DH is the same bloke as OP's then-fling!

What Scarlet said - he sounds incredibly far up himself, sounds like you dodged a bullet there. I wouldn't like to be married to a smouldering, pouting, self absorbed bellend. :)

I looked up an old flame on FB, 'The one that got away' and his profile picture was a black and white studio portrait of himself, posing, alone. He isn't even good looking.. who does that? studio portrait of your kids, fine. Of a grown woman, well, if you must. But a single bloke? Knob :D

I agree we need to see to decide if it's reasonable to be watching over & over again...

There's no harm in this OP - just a bit of a waste of time and distraction from your own life if you're watching it compulsively.

I think this is a hankering for lost youth, freedom and adventure - when life was still a book waiting to be written. A very common feeling in middle age! Remind yourself of all the good things in your present existence - your children and the life you have built up with your husband. This man is now a stranger and part of your past. It's fine to see him as a symbol of your youth and watch the video a couple of times with a certain wistfulness, but if you find yourself becoming addicted, start gently weaning yourself off!

arty French kind of video of him not saying anything but just smoking and looking rather smoulderingly at the camera.

What a wanker - sounds like a Wil Ferrell character!

Not for me...

It was a different place and time, a different world. I can't see any harm in a touch of misty-eyed nostalgia - as your DH is relaxed about it, have a wallow and enjoy it.

He's filmed himself smoking and looking at the camera in a smouldering fashion and then uploaded said video to Youtube. Tee hee hee.

He sounds like a right twat but can I please see the video?

Maybe you could film a sister piece to his video and send him the link. I'd go for a more Anglo vibe for your video, you staring at the camera as you grill some fish fingers. With Chas and Dave playing in the background.

Yabu for having a total stealth boast! Casual mention of French jazz clubs, film directors, pah. We can see right through that.

Most exciting nights me and my exes ever had out were the local Odeon. Frankie and Benny's beforehand for a special occasion. I think I did my 20's wrong.