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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

fed up with this but am selfish or unreasonable

18 replies

mutternutter · 05/09/2014 17:56

Fed up with df who expects me to pick her dd up from a sports event and drop her home 3mile round trip out of my way dragging my toddlers with me. Both our dds do sport but her ex dh drops her dd at club but won't pick up as half nine at night.
Df says she can't as she would have to bring her other dd who is at middle school too. She is 1.5miles away but doesn't drive.but not isolated and loads of parents come on foot bikes even skates! A lot live further away.
Have done it for 8 months she has only returned favour once by watching one of my toddlers for five mins. I came back and dd 2 was in the street and df had not noticed.
Fed up with doing it every week plus trips further away. Df has never offered petrol.
Annoyed as wasn't sure if they were playing on Wednesday. It was on and her dd went but I didn't .she didn't let me know it was on but experts a lift next week. Both of us sp Aiu?

OP posts:
hamptoncourt · 05/09/2014 18:01

Tell her you are having to make economies and unnecessary car trips are not going to be possible for you any longer, sorry.

ilovesooty · 05/09/2014 18:03

Shecan only continue to "expect" while you're prepared to put up with the situation.

Just refuse.

WooWooOwl · 05/09/2014 18:03

Tell her you can't do it any more.

ilovesooty · 05/09/2014 18:06

Don't even bother to apologise or explain.

People like this take the piss unless you simply refuse to be walked over any more.

amyhamster · 05/09/2014 18:07

How do people get into these situations?!!

You've been doing for 8 months

You've got nothing out of it

Why can't you just say sorry it's not working for me any longer

whois · 05/09/2014 18:13

Not really a Dfriend is she? More like acquaintance.

MrsPiggie · 05/09/2014 18:16

If you don't want to do it anymore then don't. But there's no reason to get annoyed with her, presumably you offered to help, she didn't force you into it, she can't be expected to just guess you had enough. Just tell her.

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/09/2014 18:18

It really is your fault for just keeping on doing it. Why are you so scared of saying 'no can do love'?

LadyLuck10 · 05/09/2014 18:19

It's your fault really. For 8 months? Don't you know the word no.

mutternutter · 05/09/2014 18:22

Been I'll with my so wasn't sure if I was being a fool or not. Don't want any bad feeling as loads of mutual friends

OP posts:
rainbowinmyroom · 05/09/2014 18:25

She is using you.

You practice saying or texting this: I am no longer available to do pick ups for your DD. You need to make other arrangements from next week.

She will drop you like a hot brick. Why? Because she is a user, not a friend.

rainbowinmyroom · 05/09/2014 18:26

She is not a friend. Friends don't treat friends like this.

ImperialBlether · 05/09/2014 20:11

Just clarify a bit, please!

Your child and her child go to a sporting activity which ends at 9.30 pm.

Her ex takes her child there.

For her child to get home, your friend would have to walk 1.5 miles there and 1.5 miles back at 9.30 pm with her other child.

You, on the other hand, have to take two toddlers with you at 9.30 pm.

You've been giving her child a lift home, but you're fed up of doing that now.

Is that right?

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 05/09/2014 20:17

Stop doing it and see how much of a friend she continues to be. I'd guess she will drop you like a hot potato.

ILovePud · 05/09/2014 20:31

She's not much of a friend and would you want her to reciprocate she sounds completely untrustworthy, I don't think I'd have had anything to do with her after she allowed your toddler to wander out into the street.

LuvDaMorso · 05/09/2014 20:44

She shouldn't have booked her dd into a class if she can't pick her up, put her on the bus, get a taxi or explicitly arrange for a few other parents to help (and fall over herself to thank anyone who helps and give petrol money).

Not your problem.

She is a user.

Just say no.

That said, right at the start, surely the obvious solution would have been for her ex to drop off both girls, saving you a journey, and for her to babysit all the toddlers at your house while you collect the DDs alone.

mutternutter · 05/09/2014 21:03

Imperial has it in a nutshell. I have no ex to help and no family here

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 05/09/2014 21:41

Tell her you can't do it anymore.

More astounded she was watching your Dd and let her go out into the Street??!

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