AIBU to think she is being very childish and should put her own feelings aside

[Thefishewife]

So a few weeks ago I had a fall out with a mutual friend of someone have known since I was 13 you could say she was my closet friend.

I had cause to remove this mutual friend from my Facebook page for consistently posting rasicst things last straw was things from the BMP in it's new guise Britain first or what ever the hell they call themselfs now

I happened to see this mutual person out and about they just mentioned they could re add me as a friend so I just decided to say look it wasn't a miss understand I removed you from Facebook out lined my reasons
She is entitled to her views it's not for me to say what she has on her page but I no longer want to view it see peoples vile comments or who's liked those comments and as a black person her views actually really up set me

She then ran off told me I was on my F ing high horse
Fast forward a couple days I have been informed that their has been much lively debate on Facebook between this now ex mutual friend her boyfriend and another mutual friend about me and my high horse lol

Fast forward three weeks and it's my closet friends birthday next week she has asked us both to come out for a drink she did warn me this person was due out as well I have no issue with this it's my friends birthday and it's a issue we have and as far as I am concerned my friend need no get involved the ex mutual friend on the other hand has refused to come to her birthday if I am present and her words exactly are she won't sit in company with someone's no has hurt her so badly she believed I was her friend and that she was deeply wronged by me

Wtf

AIBU to think she should just suck it up we are in dispute not our friend and I think it's a little childish

I am entitled to not have to put up with rasicst rants on Facebook and I quite frankly didn't want to pretend she was removed accidentally I think it was important for her to know it's not ok especially if you want to have black or Asian friends

YANBU she sounds like one of the idiots who thinks they are not racist because they have black/Asian friends, dontcha know, but then spout forth racist bile and say oh no you should not be offended because it's not about you, it's about all those other problem Asian/black people. Then she has tried to turn the tables and say YOU have offended HER. by thinking badly of her.

Ignore.
Enjoy your friends birthday. IF she chooses not to go it says a whole lot more about her than it does you - and you will all be better of without her!

phantom is completely right.

Go to the birthday - it's up to racist friend if she comes or not. TBH I think you'll be much better off if she doesn't come, she'll either try to spend the night trying to prove she isn't racist, or be gently patronising about how misunderstood she is.

Bottom line: you don't have to put up with her racist shite, you took action, you've moved on. If she can't be in the same room as you then that's her problem.

I have had a v similar situation with a distant family member who I defriended on Facebook cos I couldn't bear to see her ridiculous posts on my timeline. I just don't want that kind of negativity in my life, but obviously if I went to a family function I would of course be civil.
She's unfortunately twigged that I'm no longer her cyber 'friend' and has gotten her knockers in a right old twist about it, apparently spouting off on Facebook and dragging other family members into it. I haven't responded in any way, I find the whole thing childish and pointless. People like this feed off drama and if you don't supply any they soon run out of steam. Get on with your life, ignore the racist mutual ex-friend and carry on as you have been. Your friend whose birthday it is will see who the true friend is here and won't appreciate the other girl causing so much of a fuss. It's up to her whether or not she tells her to wind her neck in, but as far as I can tell, you've been nothing but honest and forthright!

Knickers not knockers!

She's a dick. Just go to the do, she's using your mutual friend unfairly to be a dick so treating both of you like crap.

yanbu. She is being ridiculous. I agree she is like all the other closet racists who either say they can't be racist as they have black friends or thinks it's ok to slag off a whole group of people and expect you to be grateful that she thinks 'you are ok though!'

If anyone had cause to say they wouldn't go because the other is going it would be you.

You were right to stop yourself from having to see this mutual friends posts, but if telling her about it is going to cause problems and awkwardness for other people, then it might have been better to quietly hide her posts instead. You have created drama where none was needed.

YANBU

I have removed people from FB for similar reasons. Just ignore it but I bet she turns up anyway

Go to the party and enjoy it. The de-friended person is showing her true colours by her reason for boycotting it.

She's an arse. YANBU. Sorry you've had to put up with this, hope she doesn't spoil the party.

She's a racist - huge shocker that she treats black people badly. Deeply wronged my arse. You'll have a great time without her, ignore all the drama.

And make sure you go out in a T-shirt that says 'Get on your high horse and rise above racism' in fuck off huge letters and make sure your friends take lots of photos to tag you in on facebook.

YANBU

Did you know you can unfollow people? It means they aren't in your newsfeed but they don't know as you're still friends. Useful info when unfriending could get political - not that you should keep a racist bigot in your friend list

As I always say 'the only good racist is a dead one'. I never put up with racism in any form and am more than happy if someone spouts off about it [even though I can't see it]. Happy to hold my head up high and tell them I want nothing to do with racism in any form. And if that means someone can't come to a birthday do, then they need to rethink their priorities IMHO.

If someone is really being offensive I think it is better to delete than hide.

Why should you pretend that what they have done/said is okay? It's not a difference of opinion that harms no one - it's personally hurtful.

And yes you should go to party head held high! If racist wants to make out they are the victim instead of thinking about their views then that is up to them.

You are entitled to your views as is she (although her views stink). You can de friend whom you want. Go to the party, enjoy yourself. She's not your problem.

woowooowl

I do agree whoever I have been putting up with her shit for over two years in order to keep the peace

I recently went to her ann summers do invited by my mutual friend and towards the end of the night we were all hovering by the door chatting she said any way I better close the door before Allah gets in wtf

The lady across the hall is Muslim

Their was also a incident one of many were she got a ticket from a African parking attendant well you can imagine I have to say she didn't make comments herself however her awful boyfriend did say some awful things and she liked pretty much all of his posts including the ones were her referred to Africans mud monkeys

The last incident with the posts about were about were Muslims should stick there halal meat I just can't take it any more and why should I have to should I have to put up with bile in order not to rock the boat ?

Charitybelle:

For future reference: This should reduce their presence in your feed to almost nil. It's great for annoying relatives, the defriending of which might cause drama. Think of it as a partial unfriending: go to one of their posts, click the right hand corner, and click 'i do not want to see this person' Then go to your friends page and put them in the acquaintance group, and in future set your posting default 'friends but not acquaintances' . Finally, on their wall, unchoose the option to follow them.

You should pretty much only see them (and they you) when you both happen to like or comment on mutual friends posts. If they comment on hardly seeing you on FB anymore, well, Facebook is funny that way, isnt it? showing you what it thinks you should want, and blah, blah.

Ooh that is really helpful, Mom I will use that for some of DH's really dodgey relatives who made very pointed references to the fact I hadn't responded to their friends requests. I friended them out of guilt and am now inundated with posts detailing every moment of their very dull lives, complete with 'inspirational' shit asking me to like if I agree kittens are cute etc.

Sorry, total hijack. Agree with OP completely. I think not making a fuss when people post racist crap just reinforces their belief that it is OK and that most people agree with them even if they don't say anything. The racists buy into the vibe that they are somehow being 'brave' and voicing the majority opinion, when really they are sad, inadequate little fuckers left on the outside of civilised society.

Thanks mom, I did think about doing this but I really just wanted rid of her at the point I defriended her and I honestly didn't think she would notice! Will bear in mind for future

She sounds truly awful. I'm surprised she hasn't been defriended on fb by everyone who saw that activity and cut in real life..

On a lighter note I saw a pic on a thread here once that said 'I like my high horse, I look good on it, like a knight'. That would make an amazing t-shirt slogan