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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

we are the first to have a party, how ti keep offence to a minimum ?

47 replies

crje · 05/09/2014 16:53

Our dd4 will be 5 in 10 days. She has just started school in a class of 29 children, 50/50 gender split.
She was in playschool with 8 of them. Her birthday is the 15th and she wants her first playcentre party.
Have to limit no's due to cost & venue to 15 places.

Is it Better to ask playschool friends plus 5 new friends , all the girls or the first 14 names she gives me ???

She won't mind either way.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 05/09/2014 16:55

Is she starting with half the class? Could she invite her half?

Original poster
crje · 05/09/2014 16:58

All starting together.
Also some of the non playschool kids live nearer but went to playschool in their creche.
Small community ,big school.

OP posts:
GreenPetal94 · 05/09/2014 16:58

I'd invite 8 playschool friends, any other friends (e.g. family friends / siblings / same age cousins) and then make up to 15 with others she mentions from school.

FishWithABicycle · 05/09/2014 17:06

playschool friends plus 5 new friends. Nobody sane would expect you to invite the whole class when you've only just met, so no-one will take offence. Just make sure you put an RSVP by date on the invites so you can extend the invitations further when someone says they can't make it. you can bet anything in the world that your DD will come home on Friday 12th insisting that her new best friend in all the world ever ever ever is someone that hasn't been invited.

stealthsquiggle · 05/09/2014 17:08

Playschool plus 5 new friends of her choice would be the politically safe choice, I think, although I would be very tempted by first 14 names she comes up with...

tobysmum77 · 05/09/2014 17:14

is 15 the minimum or is it your maximum? If possible I'd just invite the ones you know and aim for 10.

Original poster
crje · 05/09/2014 20:33

maximum toby

Is the girl only idea really bad ??
It seems to me to be the easiest.
Aibu to leave the boys out ??

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 05/09/2014 20:36

I'd go with only girls unless she has a close friend from pre-school who is a boy.

Montegomongoose · 05/09/2014 20:40

You've got years of this to come.

There are no diplomatic answers.

If I had my time again, I'd invite the DCs of the mums I thought were/seemed like fun, up until about 9 when the parties naturally get smaller.

Honestly, don't sweat it.

The only certainty is that someone will take offence.

Ginrummy · 05/09/2014 20:41

How about asking the teacher if they've noticed her playing with anyone in particular?
Invite the 8, then anyone else she seems friendly with, even if it's only one more child.
I think at such an early stage it will quickly be forgotten who you did and didn't invite and surely parents will understand.

Floralnomad · 05/09/2014 20:45

What you want to avoid is leaving out only one or two girls - if that's the route you take .

StuntBottom · 05/09/2014 20:46

Please don't ask the teacher, unless you want the reputation of being 'that' mum. It's the start of term and the teacher has 29 children to settle in - the last thing she wants is to sort out their social lives. Just ask your child who she would like to invite to her party.

frankie5 · 05/09/2014 20:50

I have done 12 primary school parties so have some experience and have made some mistakes too! I would invite all the girls from the class as that will offend no one.

hemel07 · 05/09/2014 21:01

I'm in the same position, keeping it just to family and friends one more time!

Ginrummy · 05/09/2014 21:08

I don't see how politely and briefly explaining your situation and asking about friends is being 'that' mum, as long as it's the right moment.
I do take the point that the teacher will have enough on but it was just a thought.
I think I'm remembering doing this at nursery so it's perhaps a bit different.

mysteryfairy · 05/09/2014 21:14

DD was the first birthday in her reception class. I just had a party where it was possible to invite them all as I didn't want to inadvertently leave any parent or child upset that they had been excluded from the first ever school party. Could you replan what you do - we had village hall and entertainer so that numbers did not matter.

Original poster
crje · 05/09/2014 21:16

Won't ask teacher .

Mmm hemel hadn't thought of not having a party. Thought it 'had' to be done.

OP posts:
LatteLoverLovesLattes · 05/09/2014 21:23

crje no it doesn't have to be done, don't do it if you don't want to :)

However, it's FUN and it's a good way to get to know some of the parents and for the kids to get to play/know each other out of school.

As long as you invite under half of the class it's OK to not invite everyone. It's only a bit crap if you leave just one or two out.

tobysmum77 · 05/09/2014 21:51

personally I think asking girls only is odd because my dd gets on if anything better with boys atm.....

stealthsquiggle · 05/09/2014 22:56

Just girls is a perfectly good solution, as long as her best mates from preschool aren't boys....

TraceyTrickster · 06/09/2014 03:06

My daughter's birthday is a week after school begins. I ask her who she wants, note them down. Ask again the next day, tick the repeat names, cross against those not mentioned.
Repeat on day 3 and you see a pattern emerging.

They are the invitees!

peasandlove · 06/09/2014 03:14

I'd invite all the girls.

Andrewofgg · 06/09/2014 04:31

Tell her she can have 13 friends so that you have one spare place for the last minute bestest friend.

Mumto3dc · 06/09/2014 04:31

Girls only fine IMO. Better than leaving a few girls out.
Unless she's already showing signs of particularly being friends with boys.

Andrewofgg · 06/09/2014 04:33

29 children and 50/50 gender split?

Tell us about the 29th child!