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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To actually be quite insulted?

56 replies

MuddlingAlongMum · 05/09/2014 10:00

First time poster so please be gentle!

My DD has just started Yr2 and there is another little girl who lives on our street who goes to her school too so we often see her walking with her grandmother on the way home. They are both lovely and very friendly, albeit a bit stilted as the Grandmother has no English. The other little girl started school part way through last year so is quite new.
DD and I have tried to be friendly to the little girl, her Grandmother, and her mother, when we've seen her.
The walk home involves walking along a busy-ish sort of road but is perfectly fine as has a pavement. DD often walks ahead of me as I have the pushchair and the pavement is a bit narrow to allow people to come the other way if she is walking beside me. The Grandmother has shown concern at my DD not walking with me and is clearly concerned about the road. I think this is over-concern myself but wouldn't be as rude as to say so.

The little girl's mother grabbed DH before he left at school drop off this morning and asked him about us picking her DD up from school from now on. He said she needed to speak with me as I do the pick ups. (Thanks DH!) It seems from the conversation that she wants me to pick up her DD for her as she cannot get her hours changed at work (why the grandmother can't carry on as she has been, isn't clear). The thing is, the mother only wants me to pick up her DD in the car as she says the road is too dangerous.

There's two things bothering me here. Firstly, they know we generally walk as that's how we always tend to see them and secondly, it implies to me that she doesn't trust me to walk her DD back safely!

Apart from this, I have three children so If I were to take my car to school on the days my toddler isn't at nursery then I couldn't get an extra one in anyway.

AIBU to be a bit insulted or am I being too touchy?

OP posts:
LatteLoverLovesLattes · 05/09/2014 14:37

YANBU - it is insulting - as well as rude.

Save your sanity and say NO, it will be a nightmare.

AggressiveBunting · 05/09/2014 14:43

So let me get this right. A parent you barely know asked you to take her child to school every day and also tried to dictate the mode of transport. I'm afraid I wouldn't even bother trying to be polite on this one. Where are they from? Entitledstan?

If I were bothering to be polite I'd just say ' we don't use the car for the school run and I can't manage 4 children'

Peppa87 · 05/09/2014 14:47

This woman sounds like a right cheeky cow but I don't understand why some parents agonise over school runs/pick ups/drop offs for other parents.

Either do it, or don't, and if you do then it should be on your terms seeing as you are doing the favour.

Also, why ask you to do this if she clearly doesn't trust you to keep her child safe?! Stupid woman.

KnackeredMuchly · 05/09/2014 14:49

I wouldn't be insulted, I'd be tickled pink!! Grin

I'd love someone to make an outrageous request of me so I could laugh in their face

NoSquirrels · 05/09/2014 14:51

Who's looking after the child when you drop her back from school? Her grandmother, presumably? You need to find out why she can't walk her any more, and if it's temporary or permanent. It's one thing to do a short-term favour and another to do it long-term for no payment, especially if some extra after-school childcare might be required.

But YANBU to say no to the driving request anyway. Not practical is all you need to say. You have 3 kids - it's a stupid request.

PumpkinsMummy · 05/09/2014 14:58

I hope this is the kind of thread where more cheeky requests and or wheedling of entitled over-protective mum (EOPM) come to light and we can all enjoy coming up with ever more outrageous ways of pissing her off and getting OP off the hook, so I'm marking my place.

OP - I will be most disgruntled if you just say no and that's an end to the matter. In fact you owe it to mumsnet to agree to do it just for the entertainment of a bunch of strangers off of t'internet.

NoodleOodle · 05/09/2014 14:59

Say no, don't do it, and yes it is insulting.

waithorse · 05/09/2014 15:07

How cheeky are some people ? Just say no.

ashesgirl · 05/09/2014 15:11

Oh my god, this woman's got some neck. Tell her to eff off.

What is she thinking?!

RandomFriend · 05/09/2014 15:13

she doesn't trust me to walk her DD back safely

Well you won't be walking her DD back then.

What happened to the grandmother? Has she been taken ill? If you want to be friendly, have a chat with the mother but YANBU to refuse to make any changes to your mode of transport to suit this request.

Dubjackeen · 05/09/2014 15:15

Don't go there, it doesn't sound doable, and nobody asking a favour has the right to dictate how it will be done for them. No, that won't work. End of.

Sallyingforth · 05/09/2014 15:17

And you also need to be clear that if you do agree to walk her child to/from school, if for any reason at all (illness?) you are not able to do the school walking run, you cannot guarantee to make alternative arrangements for her child as well as yours.

ashesgirl · 05/09/2014 15:21

Let's be clear though, it's not a favour. It's doing childcare on a regular basis and it's a massive thing to ask of you.

She needs to make her own arrangements for her own kids.

UriGeller · 05/09/2014 15:33

YANBU. But its not your problem to be fretting about. Let the woman deal with her own childcare issues.

morethanlaundry · 05/09/2014 15:38

In your shoes, as she hadn't spoken to me at all I would completely ignore the request, act as though it has never happened.

If she asks DH again tell her to talk to you.

If she asks you just give her an outright no, it's too many children to manage on a narrow bit of road and you won't be driving.

NynaevesSister · 05/09/2014 17:24

Need an update OP!

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/09/2014 18:24

A parent you barely know asked you to take her child to school every day and also tried to dictate the mode of transport

No. She asked the OP's husband.

I'd say no for that alone. And that's not even with the transport issue.

In fact I'd go and see her and say 'what a great idea, driving back...excellent Although if I drive I have x kids and can't fit your daughter in. Had you asked me and not my boss husband, I might have considered it'.

Or pretend he never asked and see if she has the balls to ask your herself. And then have the explanation ready for her.

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 05/09/2014 20:39

Glad you also think that Ribena.

ScrumpyBetty · 05/09/2014 21:35

You don't use a car for your school runs and you are happy walking, you feel that this is safe and a good option for you. All fine. It is completely U for little girl's mother to therefore ask you to use a car. I think you can tell her you will walk little girl home, and if she doesn't like this she can find another option. That's if you even want to walk her home- it is up to you!

PumpkinBones · 05/09/2014 21:41

My friend agreed to take a neighbours child to school for two weeks because one parent who normall dropped off at before school club at 8am, had to actually BE at work at 8 am for two weeks. Fine, no problem. Except it carried on, and the drop offs for earlier and earlier. For a YEAR. It saved the parents £££ in childcare and caused real resentment in my friend, who found it awkward, she felt as she is a Sahm, she had no "excuse" (I would have broken within weeks, I am bad with mornings) and it only ended when the husband changed his job.
SAY NO NOW!!

effinandjeffin · 05/09/2014 21:42

Yanbu. Why on earth did she ask your husband if you're the one who takes them to school. Does she think your dh will tell you what to do? Neither are you unreasonable about anything else in your post, the cheeky mare. Tell her to do one.

waithorse · 07/09/2014 18:34

Any update op ?

SquirrelWearingATrilby · 07/09/2014 19:07

Tell her that you've been advised not to drive until after the case is heard.

That'll make her think. Grin

Or just ignore it until she asks you herself and then say no.

PumpkinsMummy · 08/09/2014 11:00

Any update OP? Did she collar you at the school gates?!

Aherdofmims · 08/09/2014 11:18

yanbu

Definitely say no. Cheeky mare!