To think commenting on someone's weight is rude regardless?

[wolfe1]

I had a call from my DSS(15) school earlier. He was in trouble for commenting negatively on a girls weight (she is overweight)

Anyway I spoke to him about it and it transpired that this happened as a result of this girl spending a good proportion of lunch following DSS around and making negative comments about my 14yo's weight. Apparently she saw them shopping at the weekend and went up to them and asked who my 14yo was (he doesn't go to school). The comments were along the line 'he is so skinny he looks like an alien' 'he looks like he is from Africa' and other comments. My son said he responded after this by saying 'well your fat so you can shut up'

She told a teacher and my son is in trouble and been given detention. I don't have a problem with this but DSS told teachers what she said and their response was basically that only comments about being overweight are offensive.

I completely disagree. Surely if it offensive to mention someone is over weight then it's also offensive to mention they are underweight? My 14 is seriously underweight but I really don't think it's appropriate for negative comments about it. AIBU to think this?

Sorry it's so long!

YANBU. The girl needs to be taught that her comments were just as rude and inappropriate. Talk about double standards!

do the teachers know he was retaliating not bullying?

YANBU. Contact the school. Comments about being underweight are just as offensive. And sod the detention!

No you are NBU to think that the girls comments were also offensive.

Was it your DS who told the girl she was overweight? if so, is DSS being punished by default, as DS doesn't go to that school?

If that is the case then your DSS shouldn't be punished for what your DS said. I would also refuse to allow DSS to partake in the detention in that case.

He told me that he mentioned what she said first but they didn't seem interested. The teacher who dealt with it didn't seem to think its rude to common on how thin someone is...

YANBU and in no way does this warrant a detention

No DSS said it as it happened to school. She didn't mention anything when she saw them shopping but while at school followed DSS about saying 'your brothers so skinny' ect, sorry if that wasn't clear.

opps, just re-read, and saw it was DSS who stuck up for your DS.

I would be contacting the school to explain why DSS was not receiving punishment. Their double standards are shocking.

YANBU

The school handled this really badly by the sound of it

Yanbu, I would bring it up again with the school, that is very unfair.

YANBU.

My DS1 (8) is small and lean, he was born on the 20th centile and has stayed there all his life! DD is 17 months younger and they're pretty much the same height (she is not as petite and is heavier)

In town on Monday I saw a Grandma of a boy from postnatal group all those years ago! She looked at us and laughed and said "god, his sister is nearly as tall as him". In a scornful manner. Her DGS is tall and very overweight and looked twice the size of my DS.

Can you imagine if I'd said "wow, xxxxx is massive isn't he"? I would never be so rude and potentially upset anyone by acting like that!

Thanks everyone I think I will talk to the school about. I can be really sensitive about my 14yo's weight so I wasn't sure if I was over reacting, but I'm sure I'm not now

And yes pepper it's really rude. I think people seem to think all thin people are quite happy to have their weight commented on.

My dd is very sensitive about her build but again because she is very slim people think they can pass comment. It upsets her as much as it would someone who is bigger. Good luck speaking to the school I know ours would deal with it.

YANBU and you would be doing the school a favour to show them how serious this is. The tide is turning on this. Extreme low weight can be the result of illness, and so can obesity, and for those who are ill, such comments can be very difficult to deal with and can interfere with their recovery.

Yanbu, she dished it out but couldn't take it. Hopefully she has learnt that people will stand up to her.

Yeah, people are wary about commenting if someone is overweight but seem to think they have a free pass if someone is skinny, as if that can't possibly be offensive. I remember boys at school being horrible to a very petite girl (she was a dancer/gymnast and is now a gymnastics coach), when they overheard her complaining that she had misplaced her house keys, laughing and asking why she couldn't just jump through the keyhole to get in. That's just as nasty as mocking an overweight person!