Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Don't be silly! at least its not terminal"

23 replies

Edenviolet · 04/09/2014 20:24

Said to me by MIL about dd2 having type 1 diabetes and no hypo awareness just before she starts school as I was worried.

I pointed out to her in no uncertain terms that although diabetes is not terminal dd is at risk from a hypo which can cause death in worst case scenario if not treated or from DKA if she has high blood sugar for a prolonged time and that it requires 24/7 management to prevent/treat this.
I can't believe she could be so insensitive. AIBU to think that what she said was horrible and the way she tries to minimise dds problems is so unkind.

OP posts:
Coolas · 04/09/2014 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheLovelyBoots · 04/09/2014 20:27

Very insensitive and detached. Is she coping with some kind of major health crisis? (grasping at straws)

Original poster
Edenviolet · 04/09/2014 20:28

Maybe,but part of me just thinks she's minimising things again to make herself feel better that she does fuck all to help us.

OP posts:
ilovechristmas1 · 04/09/2014 20:29

why you continue to speak to your mil/ mother is beyond me,

yanbu she should not have said that,insensitive and upsetting and ignorant to

Original poster
Edenviolet · 04/09/2014 20:29

Mil health problems are the severe panic attacks and bad back that stops her ever being able to babysit or help us with dcs and the only way she manages to overcome these issues is by going to the pub or looking after sil dcs instead.....

OP posts:
Coolas · 04/09/2014 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justmuddlingalong · 04/09/2014 20:29

Perhaps she was trying to make you feel better, but it came out wrong. Type 1 diabetes is a manageable illness, so she is right, it isn't terminal. The school will have managed pupils with diabetes before, so try not to worry too much. Easier said than done, I know. Do you and DMil have previous?

ilovechristmas1 · 04/09/2014 20:31

she sounds awful and also someone that maybe likes the attention on her,not on somebody else,could be wrong though

Original poster
Edenviolet · 04/09/2014 20:32

She had phoned to ask when was dd starting school etc, haven't spoken to her in a while and she camp me out with that gem amongst other things the other being "why does dd even need extra help she should be taking herself to the medical room not being pampered and tested in class or she won't learn how to do it herself" she's four ffs

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 04/09/2014 20:33

Came out not camp me out

OP posts:
Coolas · 04/09/2014 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EnchanciaAnthem · 04/09/2014 20:39

Hedgehog I sympathise, my DD aged 5 has type 1 and it's a nightmare.. particularly at school. I also find it extremely upsetting when people don't understand what a deadly condition it could be. I've also had people say, 'well it could be worse, at least it's not cancer! ' Shock

Justmuddling it's not true that school will definitely have managed diabetes before, my DD's school haven't and they've made some monumental fuck ups - such as not checking her blood sugar at all for 2 weeks and lying that they have! I now have to go in school 3 times a day.

HumphreyCobbler · 04/09/2014 20:42

People often don't understand how serious this condition is, but also your MIL sounds utterly horrible.

Sending your child to school and letting other people take charge of her health is very anxiety inducing. I have had the training and it is not an easy thing to manage. Schools generally try really hard and phone the mother or father when in doubt though.

JADS · 04/09/2014 20:43

Not terminal but potentially fatal. Ignore your mil, she is an idiot.

CaptChaos · 04/09/2014 20:44

Hedgehog... the nicest construction you could put on that is that she doesn't understand quite how serious Diabetes is? Or she's an insensitive twat monkey.

I think b) personally. Why on earth do you have anything to do with this awful person?

justmuddlingalong · 04/09/2014 20:49

Apologies Enchancia. I presumed that all school staff would be trained in monitoring and helping kids with diabetes. I'm shocked to hear your experience!

weebarra · 04/09/2014 20:49

Hedgehog, I've read your previous posts about trying to get school up to speed with your DD's needs. You shouldn't need to be dealing with crap from family too.

FryOneFatManic · 04/09/2014 21:07

Some schools don't want the hassle of supporting children with illnesses like this.

DD has a friend who is diabetic. They're now at secondary, but the support at the primary school was lacking at times.

Bramblesinforrin · 04/09/2014 22:01

There is new medical needs legislation out which is in force as of now.

www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/306952/Statutory_guidance_on_supporting_pupils_at_school_with_medical_conditions.pdf

However, I think staff still have to volunteer to inject/test (sighs at memory of coming out of work at lunchtimes to do my son's injections).

There has also just been a test case won in the south east regarding diabetes support for a child - I think a statutory assessment is under way so that they can have support.

Please join the children with diabetes (uk) mailing list for support. They are brilliant peer supporters for getting things right in school - you won't feel on your own with these smashing parents to talk to.

Bramblesinforrin · 04/09/2014 22:02

You can also search for the t1 children rights at school Facebook page where there are many hundreds of parents in a similar situation.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 04/09/2014 22:03

I think humphrey has it right. There are a lot of people who think of diabetes as a low-level illness that's not much bother. I have heard it compared to hayfever before. Hmm

Maybe she simply doesn't really understand how scary it is?

UpUpAndAway123 · 04/09/2014 22:11

Very insensitive but maybe she doesn't understand the seriousness of the condition? Do you see a paediatric specialist nurse? When I was a student nurse and worked with one she used to go into the schools (primary and secondary) to talk to the staff and other pupils about diabetes including hypos and management so that it wasn't seen as an issue with the staff and pupils and they could respond appropriately in situations that arise (the asthma nurse does the same as people also underestimate the potential severity of that condition). Maybe a nurse could do this at your school which may offer some reassurance that the hypos will be recognised?
Back to MILs, my grandma (DM's MIL) is known for her crackers.....my mum has recently been diagnosed with advanced (incurable) bowel cancer and has lost a lot of weight......when my 'lovely' grandma saw her she gave her a hug, looked at her and said 'wow, how much weight have you lost....can you breathe on me so I can catch something and lose some!?' She is a twunt at the best of times but this took the biscuit! My mum has told my dad they obviously need to get her a bit of bowel cancer for xmas Grin

MiscellaneousAssortment · 04/09/2014 23:19

Ooh ooh I got this! Jumps up and down and queues to join the club.

I had been diagnosed with a permanent and deteriorating condition which has left me with 14 hrs + a day carers and no independence (& a baby, h left when I got ill).

But my 'friend' and colleague of a decade said 'oh well, at least its not terminal' and when i burst into tears and tried to explain she really outdid herself with 'oh well doctors will say anything'

Fucking bitch.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page