AIBU or is my husband?

[firefly78]

my husband works full time plus does a lot of freelance work. he is a hands on dad to our two kids aged 7 and 3. i work three and half days a week. i have been at home this afternoon but took kids for haircuts and did some food shopping. he moaned that when he came home it was chaos and he can't cope with it. i didn't think it was. it was fraught due the kids bickering so dd was in front watching a dvd and DH moaned that it was chaos cos i hadn't opened the blinds fully. i have one whole day off a week and he thinks i should spend this day doing housework as its not my day off its our shared day allocated for me to do house stuff. instead i take DS to a toddler group and do some housework. i said to DH its easier for me to do housework at the weekend when he can watch the kids but he told me this was selfish cos thats our family time together. i and friends of mine think the house is fine but he has ridiculously high standards IMO.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Staying in an unhappy relationship isn't good for anyone. Make sure he knows how miserable he is making you. This is also a rubbish role model for your kids. The boys grow up thinking the work females do isn't real work and the girls expect this from future partners. Pull him up on it and let him know if he continues to be so disrespectful then he will have to leave the family home.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Op are you me?

[Superworm]

I agree of he wants immaculate

[Superworm]

Sorry pressed post

If he wants an immaculate home he needs to help out. Either pay a cleaner or do more himself.

[femin]

OP you do actually say you want to leave him, but haven't got the courage. Have you told him this? Does he know how bad things really are between the two of you?

[LuvDaMorso]

Living in a house with a horrible atmosphere is much much worse for kids than seeing dad twice in the week and every other weekend.

Being scared of the life changes that will come if you split up is fair enough, perfectly reasonable.

Don't hide behind your dc though, that is not fair. They will NOT thank you for it later.

My DM stayed "for the sake of the children". I was a bundle of nerves whenever I was home. We hardly ever speak now. I truly believe she cared more about her lifestyle and my DF than her children. She says not, but, well, actions speak louder than words.