to be considering moving away specifically to block contact?

[PeppaPug]

DD is 6. ExH has a total disregard for her wellbeing in my opinion but it seems that until she comes to real harm, there's nothing I can do about it. For example:

He lets her play on the street unsupervised

He leaves her at home and in public alone

He's been informed she's slightly overweight so needs to watch her diet. Instead, he challenges her to eat more to the point she has diarrhoea or is sick.

She has three weak teeth that she's been having varnished regularly to try and prevent fillings. He's been told by me and the dentist that she needs to watch her diet and brush properly on several occasions. Still, he gives her access to unlimited fizzy drinks, cakes, sweets etc and doesn'tenencourage her to brush her teeth. Today, the dentist said she's held off as long as possible but fillings are going to be necessary. DD is terrified

Most seriously of all, his girlfriend has a relation (not her son) who is 12. DD is left to play unsupervised with him and his friends and has repeated swear words, wanking and tits over the last few weeks, as well as hinting they bully her by saying they challenge her to do things (I.e. Climb a tree/go in a cupboard) then leave her stuck and laugh. She also has 'sleepovers' with the boy in the same room and bed, being left alone to watch 12/15 certificate films which then give DD nightmares for weeks afterwards. ExH strongly disagrees that it's inappropriate that they share a bed, even though the boy is obviously approaching puberty.

I rang childrens services for advice because after I last spoke to exH about them sharing a bed and DD being left unsupervised, he told her to keep everything that happens at contact a secret. Their advice was pretty much that unless she comes to harm, the above concerns are mine only and it's his prerogative to make those decisions for DD while she's in his care.

I really do feel that contact holds no benefit for her whatsoever - she's left alone/with the older boys/watching films the entire time - and that all it does is put her welfare at risk. AIBU to feel the only solution is to move away?

This is stupid I hate the fact children must come to harm first..

Firstly see if you can get DD to keep a diary say you won't read it, it stays at home and she can write about the things she does every day (good log of evidence)

Secondly if the 12 year old hurts her (pushing bin down hill) report to the police he is over the legal age so again it's logged and can act as evidence of her not being looked after/put on a position of danger.

When ever you report a concern to ss do it via email and as for a written response, if they won't write their response it can show in court how they where unwilling to have what they said recording due to it being bad advice.

Even if SS are ignoring the bed-sharing/stuffing her with food/inappropriate films, surely they can't ignore him leaving her in the house alone? Isn't that illegal, or at least grounds for serious concern?

I wouldn't be too quick to move away, although I certainly don't blame you for feeling like doing so. It might put you on the back foot. I'd go after SS again first, and get a new GP who doesn't think a six-year-old should be left to make their own food choices.

Have you posted about him before? The teeth and being overweight ring a bell.

Is the access court ordered? If not he can whistle (I believe - I'd get legal advice).

Start making a paper trail. Keep records of what she tells you. Keeping secrets from one parent is a big red flag for me. Go to the drs about diarhea, vomitting and make sure the dr records your concerns.

It sounds as if the dentist is on your side. Could you get her to report her concerns to SS? (not in the UK but here dentists doctors teachers etc have an increased duty of care to report suspected neglect/abuse to SS - anyone know if that's the same in the UK?)

If you report your concerns to SS again then do so in writing, preferably email so that you can keep a record.

Leaving her alone in the house isnt illegal, there's no legal age minimum age in the UK. It's down to the parents to judge, but for how long? 15 minutes while you go to the shop to get bread and milk is one thing, hours at a time is another. Playing outside in the street - no biggy if its a cul de sac but if its a main road then that's different. So those things are a bit more subjective and context based.

I think contacting NSPCC for advice is a good idea.

Reduce contact and seek legal advice.

I find this really disturbing.

You have to do everything and anything you can to protect your daughter.

I don,t live in UK, so cannot help with the practicalities, sorry.

I would only need to go to my GP for to get the ball rolling on this.

not saying this country is perfect, many social services being cut too