Well, ok, legally it was. I undestand why but it just feels so so wrong to call it that.
Three weeks ago I was pregnant with our much longed for second baby, expected at Christmas. We were also on a big family holiday, the first we'd had in three years. Both sets of grandparents, us, dsd and dd.
Then half way through the holiday I started bleeding. No big deal, I've bled during every pregnancy, it's almost normal for me. Then the pains started. And they got worse and worse.
A few hours later I was rushed to a&e. After six more hours of labour I gave birth to our son. He had passed away shortly before delivery. After that I had to have an operation to remove my placenta, I had a haemorrhage and my blood pressure dropped to 70/25.
Everyone has been very supportive. The medical staff were fantastic.
But I just can't help it. Every time someone mentions the word miscarriage I want to scream, hit. I don't obviously. That just isn't the right word to describe what happened.
I'm not trying to take away from the pain of an early miscarriage. I've had five, they were awful. But what happened three weeks ago was nothing like those, so much worse.
Trying to hold it together but whenever someone says that word I fall to pieces afterwards all over again.
AIBU?
It wasn't a bloody miscarriage.
SlicedAndDiced · 02/09/2014 16:52
I hope you get on ok at the doctor. That wording will be readily understood by the dr and is a lot less upsetting than many of the alternatives.
You are right that people don't talk about it. My feeling is that in a way this is self-perpetuating, as people who have experienced loss have such insensitive comments made to them that they are disinclined to talk about it more... Yet then when people do encounter it they have never spoken about it before and don't know the first thing about it or what to say 
.
The most common loss is early pregnancy loss, and yet it is still pretty taboo to announce a pregnancy early on. Different than what you are experiencing, I know, but when I had early miscarriages one of the hardest things was that no-one knew, so the pain and sadness was hidden, or I had to announce the pregnancy in order to announce its loss. It was a very solitary pain.
Sorry, I do not mean to derail the thread. Thinking of you all and your lovely boy Alex.
Sliced, I hope you got on ok at your dr's and felt you were being heard.
People in rl don't really talk about pregnancy loss I've found - yes, I totally agree with that statement.
And it is the reason why I do talk about my MCs - this is of course my choice and does not have to be anybody else's but FFS they were nothing to be ashamed of or that needed hiding.
I was v interesting how many women, many of my mother's generation, came out of the woodworks after I had my losses to talk of theirs - sometimes for the first time to anybody other than their husbands… There is a lot of sadness there that stays with you a life-time although you do find a way to live with it - I really don't why 'embarrassment' or guilt or shame should be added to that pain. I took great comfort from the the warm sisterhood I was shown tbh. I hope you'll find RL warmth and support too 
I was v interested…
I am not all that interesting at all - sorry 
The doctors went ok, the consultant next week will know more about the operation etc.
I know it's silly isn't it. My mums next door neighbour started crying when I told her (she had noticed there was no more tummy)
I felt guilty. Really guilty for upsetting her.
Talking about it really is helping though, and this thread really helped me to start talking about it 
I am so sorry your baby Alex was born asleep, my daughter was born asleep at 20 weeks and I still grieve for her now, nearly 15 years later.
Glad you're more able to talk about it now, hope that that is helping.
That was beautiful sleepingstarsmummy
Thank you, yes it has made it easier to talk about.
Thanks I will take a look
I do want to ttc again, but not until after the operation.
Though to be honest I'm in two minds about that too. Part of me feels guilty for wanting to try again, like I'm just forgetting Alex.
Also sometime I feel like I'm not strong enough to spend (hopefully) another 9 months on edge and terrified.
The glowinthewoods is lovely, thank you for the link.
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