Peed off with DH & DB and hate being in the middle.

[Upsetwithfriend]

DH is self-employed, and will be doing a long, long day tomorrow.

Right now he is in the middle of preparing for tomorrow, and doubt he will finish till late tonight, then catch a few hours before getting up at 5am.

Today is DM's birthday, and I almost wish I'd not asked her for dinner, but have.

DC had a hearing test this morning, so I am behind, plus DC starts reception this week (not sure whether tomorrow or Thursday, and no one at the school to ask), and I'm still not ready, and making a cake for DM, tidying and preparing dinner, means I just won't get the chance.

On market days, I go up at lunch to help, let DH go to the loo, and take him lunch. I also have to go up at the end of the day, to help him pack, and look after stuff whilst he gets the car.

Mum & dad look after DC for an hour or two when I help him pack three of the days a week.

So the AIBU: My DB (38, still lives rent-free at home), has been driving his car round since April, without an MOT. This was only discovered when DM went to get his tax (DB does nothing, mum & dad do it all for him).

So his car has gone in for the MOT today. I just rang up and told my parents when dinner would be ready. Dad drops in that he's taking DB's car for the MOT and wants DH to pick him up from the MOT station, take him home, then pick him up and take back when it's done.

Ordinarily DH does help mum and dad out. But he refused today, as he's too busy.

So now mum & dad are pissed off with me, and saying they won't help me out again.

What I don't get is why DB can't get his arse out of bed, to take it himself. When I asked my parents this, I was told that "he's working tonight". He's 38 ffs! When I go shopping with DM she buys his shopping, she gets his lottery etc.

I'm just pissed off and needed to rant. I know that DH is BU (I don't drive btw).

Whilst your DB should get himself back, your DH also needs to remember that he relies on your family for childcare three days a week. Helping out is lovely but it needs to be both ways.

DB is in bed and going nowhere, it is dad that is taking the car in for him.

I've tried telling DH that he could help, but he won't listen to me :(

That's what I mean, I'm stuck in the middle

Your dh isn't bu, your parents are. If they wanted a favour in the form of a lift they should have given your dh more notice than just telling you on the same day when you happened to ring. As long as he wasn't rude, then it's not his fault he's busy with work. Likewise, the thing with your db sounds irritating, but it's not the issue here. Your parents are obviously enabling him to be a layabout but that seems like a whole other thread.
Seems like you're stretched too thin today, have too much on your plate, and your parents are being unreasonably uppity, espesh considering you're running around making dm's birthday dinner!

charity - I do agree with that. I rang them twice today before. This morning, then at lunchtime. They never mentioned it then.

I do have a Dsis as well. She has a car, but has decided to take her DS out for a couple of hours this afternoon, and invited mum.

I agree with Charity, although your DH should normally help out if your parents need it since they do a lot to help out your family, that doesn't mean dropping everything at the last minute to help sort out your lazy brother's MOT when your DH has already got work to do.

And if your DB is working and lives rent-free at home, surely he can afford to pay for your dad's taxi fares to take and collect the car?

Can't your Dad just wait for the MOT to be done- it only takes about 45 minutes?

I don't think your DH is being unreasonable, your parents may help you out with childcare but by the sounds of it your DB doesn't so and the favour is for him, I don't see why any reciprocity is needed there. I think your parents are being extremely unfair to put you in this position and to try and use the childcare as leverage. Anyway it's your DH who has said no to picking up the car (for what I think is a hell of a more valid reason that your brother's) so why are they punishing you for this too, you're not in charge of DH's behaviour.