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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let my PIL take my boys to Disneyland Florida

79 replies

Angryb1rd · 02/09/2014 09:47

PIL have said they want to take my boys who will be 5 & 6 to Florida. Other family members (childless) will also be going.
I don't want them to go!
It is too far away from me, I wouldn't be happy, and I personally think these kinds of memories should be made with parents not grandparents/aunties/uncles/cousins
Aibu?

OP posts:

TeamScotland · 02/09/2014 13:30

My grandma took me away for a month to Canada and America when I was 8. I loved every second and cried myself to sleep on the plane home.

I was very close to her though.

I probably wouldn't let anyone take my kids out of the country for hols. Odd weekends are okay. If I hadn't already been to Disney with my two I might not want others to take them first.

moominmarvellous · 02/09/2014 13:42

My IL's also want to do Disneyland Florida with the kids and want to pay for them, we'll pay for ourselves.

I'm grateful and will be excited when the time comes, but the reality is that it'll be a very stressful experience. If I suggested we didn't go along, they'd have a heart attack!

Alternative might be to say yes, let the kids go to Disney and you & DH book a nice, peaceful week away in the sun for two

Sunna · 02/09/2014 13:44

If they want to go it would be very mean to say no.

My DCs always hated Disney so it wouldn't have been an issue.

wigglesrock · 02/09/2014 14:05

I know it's nowhere near as far, but my parents took my then 8 and 6 year old to Disneyland Paris earlier this year. They went for four nights and that was long enough for my 6 year old, she was just beginning to miss me .

They had the best time ever, we weren't going to take them ourselves we have a younger child and couldn't afford it and my parents had always promised to take them. Tbh it was lovely to see photos of my dad in a teacup with my kids, they made some lovely lovely memories with their nana and granda that they'll always have.

wobblyweebles · 02/09/2014 14:30

I think they're a bit young to go such a long way with their grandparents. They will probably miss you a lot, and it is a tiring holiday.

I'd wait a few years then let them go.

pissedglitter · 02/09/2014 14:38

My boys went with their grandparents at that age
They loved it

They would never have gone if it wasn't for ex's parents
It's not something I could ever afford to do so I am grateful they got to go with or without me

pudding25 · 02/09/2014 14:44

Far too young to go away for such a long time without at least one parent.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/09/2014 14:48

I put magical memories in the same bucket as precious moments, tbh.

There is no real need for young children to go to Disney to make memories. If you feel they are too young and it's too far (which I agree with) then I'd say no.

EmeraldLion · 02/09/2014 15:00

But with all due respect Emerald, whether you would enjoy the experience or not isn't really the issue tbh. It's whether the child would have a good time

But the reason I would be on pins is because of the thought of things going wrong - unlikely but possible.

Eg...wandering off unnoticed in somewhere as busy as Disney. Falling ill when thousands of miles away.

If I was talking age 10 and 12, where they were old enough to understand just how long two weeks is, were more self sufficient etc then that's different. But mine are 4 and 6. Ds2 would have no concept of the reality of how long a fortnight is without us.

And as fab as my parents are, they've never taken them away. A night or weekend sleep over at nanna's, in familiar surroundings, is completely different from taking them out and about in Florida, regardless of for how long. For dc and my parents.

RiverTam · 02/09/2014 15:11

not wanting them to go on the grounds of too young, too far away, too long a period of time, PILS not physically up to it - YANBU.

Not wanting them to go because you don't want any 'big' memories to be made apart from with you - YABVVVU.

Your reasons seem to be all about you, not about your DC and whether or not they would enjoy it, and if your ILs are up to it.

rumbleinthrjungle · 02/09/2014 15:21

I really struggle to get the 'it's selfish to want to do this with your children yourself' - of course you do! If this is something you're waiting to save up and do with them, then that's a reason in itself, you don't have to accept this offer just because it's been made. And I wouldn't feel safe with children that young on another continent without me. Some parents would and that's fine, but I'm one of the ones who wouldn't. There isn't a right or wrong to this, it's down to how you feel and that's ok.

Greyhound · 02/09/2014 15:21

OP I think they are too young and it's too far.

thegreylady · 02/09/2014 16:38

My dc wouldn't go to Disneyland anywhere if you paid them. They would be thrilled if we took dgc which we wont as we would hate it too:) I bet the children would like some of it though.
As a family we hate queues, crowds, fast food, commercialised themed stuff aimed at extracting money and long flights. Even the children hate all the above except for the 'stuff' a trip to thelocal Disney store will sort that!
Honestly op let the dgp take them and you and dh have a lovely holiday together.

lessthanBeau · 02/09/2014 16:53

if your dh says you can book a holiday abroad while they are away , why cant you afford to go to florida? if the gps are paying for the kids its fairly cheap for 2 adults, so you could all go together or do the PILs not want you there at all?
Theres no way I would be lettting my DC go abroad with anyone else, even france! and I am still edgy when bil and sil take her for a week in the uk.

KnackeredMuchly · 02/09/2014 16:57

YABU - if my parents had the opportunity to let me go to Disneyland without them and said no I would never forgive them

drudgetrudy · 02/09/2014 17:24

Whay RiverTam said. Yes they are very young to go abroad without you and YANBU to not let them go on the basis of being worried that they would be upset or something may go wrong.
But how strange and selfish to not want them to have good memories of enjoying themselves with other relatives-only with you.

NickiFury · 02/09/2014 17:28

Your post made me laugh stinkle my children were entirely underwhelmed on arrival at disney. Mostly complaining that it was too hot.

notagainffffffffs · 02/09/2014 17:40

Could you all just go for a week? Would that be affordable?

thicketofstars · 02/09/2014 17:41

I would be insulted that the PILS hadn't invited me and DP along too. I have no time for precious 'my time not your time' games.

No, I wouldn't let my children go to the states without me. What a huge responsibility for anyone.

You shouldn't be made to feel unreasonable for not letting them go. But I do think you're quite unreasonable for asking a question like this - I'm sure you know deep down it's your choice and nobody should be telling you that you're obliged to let them go.

Why not invite your PILS to take them to LEGOLAND or Peppa Pig land if they wish to have a special outing? Your children will be able to enjoy their company just as well.

furcoatbigknickers · 02/09/2014 17:47

Why can't you go? I would let them go if you can go to if it will be their only opportunity before becoming adults. They are too young to be this far from you. It would be far kinder for pil to offer to pay for you, dh and dcs to go but obviously its me me me

ADishBestEatenCold · 02/09/2014 18:26

How regularly do your PIL see your children and how much time do they spend with them?

There is a very big difference between taking (on a two week holiday) a 5 and 6 year old that you only see for an odd afternoon three or four times a year, and taking a 5 and 6 year old who you see every week or so, spending lots of hands on time with them.

Have your PIL taken them away without you before? The most important issue is whether you think they are capable of giving your DCs sufficient and familiar care for a fortnight. Do you have reason to believe they couldn't?

Would you feel differently if it were your own parents, Angryb1rd?

atticusclaw · 02/09/2014 18:36

Age wise my concern would be that they're too young to be away from you for that length of time. In terms of the right age for disney its a perfect age.

We've been to disneyworld a number of times. The first time with the DCs to Florida they were 3 and 5, the next time they were 5 and 7 this time they will be 9 and 7. Each age is slightly different but that first trip was so magical because they believe still. Its a perfect age for Disney, as they get older Universal is more exciting for them.

In your position I would explain to your PILs that no you can't afford it as a family but since they've kindly offered to pay for your DCs then you will be able to afford to come along (since you'll only be paying for the two of you) and its fantastically kind of them to pay for the DCs so that you can all go together as one big family.

ADishBestEatenCold · 02/09/2014 18:39

"I would be insulted that the PILS hadn't invited me and DP along too."

Really, thicketofstars?

Maybe that would be a nice thing for the PILs to do if they happen to have (say) an extra £2000 available in order to treat their DS and DDIL as well as treating their DGCs, but I haven't seen OP suggest that her PILs can afford to pay for them, too. Or did I miss that bit?

Ridiculous to be "insulted" if someone cannot afford to pay for you too. (Actually, I also think it's ridiculous to be insulted if someone chooses not to pay for you too).

onedev · 02/09/2014 18:48

For me it wouldn't be about the memories but simply that they're too young & it's too far away.

I'd let them do it when the kids were older (teenagers) but not before.

How about suggesting that they take them somewhere for a weekend to allow you & your DH to have a short break away? That would be the most I'd allow (or even want) at that age.

thicketofstars · 03/09/2014 01:03

ADishBestEatenCold
I didn't say I would be insulted if they didn't offer to pay for me as their guests. I said I'd be insulted at absence of an invitation to go too. I wouldn't feel this way about older children perhaps doing a hobby they really enjoy with a grandparent - but at this age when it's so far and other members of the family are also coming - yes, I'd feel insulted and I don't think it's ridiculous.

And my DD is only 3 so this is all a long way off, but if she ever gives me a grandchild, I would never dream of suggesting any activity that involved taking her child and leaving her behind - unless she was delighted for the break, of course - but even then I'd let it be known that I was sorry she wasn't coming.

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