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AIBU?

AIBU to think this is a little impolite?

37 replies

deepest · 02/09/2014 09:06

...or does my BFF not like me?

My BFF has gone down to a south coast resort on holiday next to the one where we go all the time and have had great holidays for the past 15 years.

She has never been to this county before so I, when asked, recommended the best the local hotels and restaurants at the resort we had stayed in over the years.

Got a text from her yesterday to say she was having a drink in my fav hotel - but "it is was all style over substance"....so she was leaving to go back to her resort as "there was no life" in this resort...

Bit sad about this. If someone had recommended something to me and I didnt rate it I would be diplomatic and at least factual ...eg "waited 20 mins to be served at the bar etc..."

Not sure why I feel a bit disappointed - and its not that she didnt like my recommendations - I totally get horses for courses - its the sneering I didnt appreciate....should I respond? Let it lie? Or think she mustnt like me as much as I thought if she was prepared to be sneery...

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SpringBreaker · 02/09/2014 15:42

She could have worded it more politely and just said "its not really my sort of thing. I would rather have honesty than someone lie to me, but say it tactfully.

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Alisvolatpropiis · 02/09/2014 15:46

I don't think yabu. She has been rude, implicitly criticising your taste.

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deepest · 02/09/2014 15:57

Thanks Charity def wont be giving any recommendations in the future.

We have many times thought of a short break away.....but she goes round and round in circles and never makes a decision or commits and ...so this is probably a warning sign....although I am not fussy and more than happy to entertain her ideas just so that we can have a laugh. She always decides which restaurant we go to etc. and I really do not mind.

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ilovesooty · 02/09/2014 16:01

So she decides on the restaurant you go to and you put up with her being rude and obnoxious during the meal?

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farewellfigure · 02/09/2014 16:04

I'd have been upset. I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel if someone sent that text about somewhere I loved going, and yes, I'd think it was really rude and insensitive. It does sound as though she was acting in character though, and I'm sure she didn't mean it to hurt you.

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deepest · 02/09/2014 20:16

She is very highly strung and is awkward in new places which I am used to seeing. I tolerate it and try to minimise the impact with the waiting staff - but ilovesooty I should be more direct with her. I suppose I am less assertive that I should be.

The resort is somewhere very special to me, my 4 children and extended family of which she has is well aware.

As she does not have children I thought that she would appreciate the smart, low key, less built up resort and elegant hotel which has the most stunning terrace on to the beach - especially during school holidays.

It seems that the big, brash, stag/hen night destination, resort along the coast with arcades etc is her preference. And that is great - really happy she is enjoying herself but I just would never tell her that is what I thought as it is not relevant.

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ilovesooty · 02/09/2014 21:26

I'm developing an increasing understanding here of why you were upset. I think in view of what you said it runs deeper than mere rudeness. I thought it was no big deal initially but can now see why it is.

And yes, I do think it might be a good idea to challenge her rude behaviour. I think it will damage your friendship if you don't.

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pilates · 02/09/2014 21:44

I don't think you like her very much.

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Momagain1 · 02/09/2014 21:59

I would assume she was drunk texting, and move on as if it hadnt happened.

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AtrociousCircumstance · 02/09/2014 22:14

She doesn't sound very nice.

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deepest · 02/09/2014 22:34

She has always been v kind to me, we have a lot of fun - and I love her to bits - that's why I feel stung - I have seen her behaving like a brat often when we are out - but she has never turned on me.

I think she gets overwhelmed when she is out in public and in new places.

She lives a kind of half life - does nt work, lives in a long term dysfunctional relationship with a non working recovering alcoholic boyfriend. This was the first time that they have been away with another couple and maybe it all got a bit too much....and I suspect there was plenty of alcohol involved....

I will not respond to the texts about resort/hotel but the next time we go out I will mention that I have noticed that when she is in public she is self conscious and anxious and can behave inappropriately which others might see as rude.

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Lee32 · 03/09/2014 08:22

Yes, she is impolite. But it's only a minor event, so let it go and say nothing. I don't think she's sending any underlying message that she doesn't like you - she's just rude in restaurants (as you already know from her previous behaviour). This whole issue reveals a lot about her and nothing about you so stop taking it personally. I really do think you're over-interpreting this little episode.

As others have said, tastes vary. So do manners, and hers suck. Whatever activities the two of you share, I'd avoid holidaying together!