Should my friend complain to her DD's teacher?

[MokunMokun]

A friend of mine is upset with her 6 year old DD's teacher. The situation is that the teacher gave them all a print out to fill in for their homework. My friend's daughter lost the sheet so just wrote her homework on a regular piece of paper. When she handed it in, the teacher asked where the hand out was and the daughter explained that she lost it. The teacher said that she was annoyed. I guess her daughter was upset and so my friend is angry and wants to go in and have a word with the teacher. She thinks it was utterly unacceptable that the teacher said that she was annoyed to her daughter especially as she is so young and did what she could do resolve the situation.

I honestly didn't think it was a big deal and have tried to talk her out of going in but now I am doubting myself. Others have agreed that it was wrong of the teacher to say that but I think if I was a teacher I'd be quite shocked at a parent complaining about something so mild.

I am actually a little worried about my friend as she has been under a lot of stress recently and I think little things are getting to her way more than they should. She used to get quite down about things and I was worried she was depressed but recently she seems so angry all the time. I genuinely am struggling to tell if she is justified in being angry in this situation or not though.

I think the teacher is being a bit mean since the homework was done anyway. I agree with you it's not something to complain about. Save that for things that matter.

Homework done. Required presentation, some ages are expected to do that. How old are we talking?

Your friend is being ridiculous.

It is fine for children to know that they have done things that have caused an adult to be cross or annoyed. Obviously it's good that the homework was done anyway, and I'm sure the teacher understands that things get lost, but I can't see the problem with sending a six year old the message that they have to look after their work.

Is there a chance that others are agreeing with your friend just because she's being so over sensitive at the moment?

Jesus, is there nothing parents won't get het up about?

The teacher only said she was annoyed

It's not like she shouted it at her

Your friend is making a fuss about nothing. Her DD's teacher will get annoyed about things that seem unreasonable to your friend, as will DD's grandparents and DD's friends parents and DD's friends and lots of other people her DD comes into contact with. She can't micro-manage people's interactions with her DD.

Shame the teacher was annoyed, shame the DD got upset. Move on.

It depends how the teacher spoke to her. I'm a teacher and am very relaxed so this wouldn't bother me one bit but some might be a bit irritated by it. If she told her off then yes, I would be pissed off as a parent (not enough to go and complain though), if it was a very brief irritated comment I wouldn't say anything at all.

Thanks! I thought perhaps she was being OTT.

I did suggest that is it ok for the teacher to express her feelings and perhaps good for her daughter to understand that her teacher is a person too. I also suggested to my friend that while I get she is frazzled after the summer holidays juggling work and sick kids but maybe the teacher is frazzled with her life too so maybe cut her some slack. Friend says the teacher was being unprofessional though. I don't know the tone she used though but she seemed quite bothered about the word "annoyed". One friend said she should complain to the Head but another seemed a bit quiet about it.

Her daughter is her youngest and the baby of the family so I don't think she is used to getting told off. Perhaps a little sensitive?

I will try and take her out for coffee and a chat if she ever gets time. I really am worried about her.

Sorry, I wasn't clear. I meant the word "annoyed". I do tell my kids that I am annoyed with their behaviour sometimes. I think it is ok parenting to let them understand their behaviour is bothering me for example if they are being too noisy. I didn't see a problem with the teacher saying she was annoyed as perhaps she was annoyed, perhaps she worked hard on the hand out, perhaps it makes marking harder, perhaps a lot of kids had lost it. It's annoying, she's annoyed. I didn't see it as a problem.

Who did she hear the tale from?

She would be very unreasonable! DC have to learn about being responsible at some point! 6 is big enough.

I'm pretty precious about my kids, possibly "that" parent - even I wouldn't complain about this!

If she'd said "pissed off" it would have been unprofessional. Annoyed is a perfectly acceptable term.

Perhaps this parent needs to let the teacher know that little precious should never get any negative feedback, however mild. Then she can move on to making an official complaint.
For fuck's sake.

Emotional literacy is important for everyone but especially children who are still learning the words to use to express how they are feeling. The teacher felt annoyed and said so. Nothing wrong with that.

We all have these feelings and expressing them appropriately has to be modelled. The same with anger, frustration, disappointment and all the other emotions that we are often, wrongly, expected to squash. Many six year olds can only name 'happy' or 'sad' for their emotions so giving the appropriate words for feelings is important.

Was your friend there? As 6 year olds are always so reliable when it comes to recounting a conversation! She's being ridiculous! Also it's not too much to expect a 6 year old to keep track of one sheet of homework, maybe she'll be a bit more careful with her homework if this incident has traumatised her so much!

Taking responsibility for their school work and homework is an important lesson for children to learn. The teacher has worked hard to develop the work for the students, has probably planned lessons around it, and she has every right to be 'annoyed' that the student didn't look after her work. Perhaps she'll be more careful in future.