To accept that I'm just never going to feel happy again?

[MsBrunette]

I've been split up with my EX for 2 years, we have 2 DC together.

I was completely in love with him, if written down on a piece of paper who I would want as much partner it would have been him, I had PND and was extremely difficult to live (I was horrendous!) with so he left me.

Since then I have been asking him back, at first he said absolutely not, then he said that he doesn't know what will happen in the future and then he said that he has feelings for me, this is in the space of 2 years.

We see each other every week as we both take the DC's out together every weekend.

He has started to come round my house and spend time with me in the evening when the DC's are in bed, all we do is watch a film and talk we have not touched each other since the split he even stayed over and slept in my bed fully clothed as we lost track of time and it was too late for him to drive back.

He said he has feelings for me, that he doesn't want anyone else and wouldn't want anyone else but he doesn't know if he wants to be with me.

I've loved him since the day he left but eventually I accepted that he doesn't want to be with me and even though my feelings for him didn't subside I accepted it but since he said that there may be a chance for 'us' again I want nothing more than to be with him.

I don't know what to do, I used to come home and feel relaxed but because he has been here and because I'm unsure whether there is a future for us or not I am always so upset now.

He said that he would feel upset if I didn't want him to spend time with me anymore, he said that it is the only thing that he looks forward to in his life and the one thing that makes him happy but I am so upset because I want to be with him but he just says 'I'm not sure'.

I can't help how I feel, I want nothing more than to be with him and the thought of another 2 years sitting in my home wishing there could be an 'us' and him finding someone else when my feelings have developed ever stronger for him scares me as I would have to relive the devastation of losing him.

Please tell me what to do, I'm so upset.

I've text him saying I don't want him in my house anymore, I feel my heart breaking in two :(

You're going to have to be really strong, I reckon he'll pull out all the stops to keep you exactly where you are :(

This is the worst part. It can only get better.

You've done really well to make that first step. You just need to stick to it now. Don't let him worm his way back.

yes, that is for the best.
By the way if you aren't married and might want to make a go of things and IF but only if you want your future with him it might sensible to bargain with him that he can only come back if you do both get married.

Well done, OP. I know you don't feel it right now but it is for the best. Please keep posting on here & let us help you through this tough time. It will get easier, I promise you.

Well done, MsBrunette. Step one towards getting your life pointing forwards again. You just showed him you're not prepared to put up with 'I don't know'. Stick to that. Now if he wants to be with you & the children, he must say so & be completely committed. If he can make that step change in his behaviour, good - you'll have done what millions of women do every day, taught a man a valuable lesson in emotional intelligence, forced him to understand himself better.

And if he can't, then in the words of the song, you gotta wash that man right out of your hair. Give him some time, but not more than a month. Fwiw, I was pretty callow in my early 20s but I don't think I could've walked out on my wife & children - and my folks wouldn't have let me. If he says he genuinely doesn't love you any more, then you have your answer, but my guess is, he doesn't know what he feels. BertieBotts is right, I reckon - he's been faced with too much too young. So you give him space to get his head together - and you yours - but if by 1st October he's not at your door asking your forgiveness - remember, it's not your fault you got ill & times were hard - then he's a dead loss & it's just a question of access re the children.

Christ that sounded SO patronising, sorry.

Really, get married? I think that would be a terrible idea to rush into.

You're going to be fine. It will be easier once there's a clean line between you. You can both move on again.

You've done the right thing. You'll never move on if he continues to string you along. If he really wanted to get back with you he'd have done so by now and he's not going to experience some sudden change of mind 2 years down the line.

So his behaviour comes across as exceedingly manipulative. Right now you are in an awful limbo sort of place where you can't start to rebuild your life yet you don't have anything resembling a relationship either.

Make sensible, agreed, arrangements for access to the dcs (which don't involve him hanging around your house all weekend) and then move on. You deserve a great deal better.

The thing is, he's not only not making you happy but he is making you uncertain, frightened and anxious. He is also taking up space that could be filled with something that would make you happy.

If he was kind to you, he would let you find your own way to be happy in yourself.

When you show any signs of pulling away (and you should) he will become a little more wistful, a little more nostalgic. He won't get back together but will give just enough hints to make sure you don't find anyone else. Because if you are happy with someone else, how is he going to get his ego boosted by having you pine over him?

I hope this works out for you because you sound like a lovely person.