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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to complicate my school run

24 replies

Stressandhassle · 31/08/2014 14:05

I have successfully shared my nursery school run for the past year with DDs best friend. We both have 3 DCs and our DSs are at another school together so it really helps with the logistics of pre and after school clubs, not to mention cutting down the driving. We both have husbands that work long hours so it has been a real godsend.

This year another good friend of mine has a DD who will be going to the same school but into the nursery (my DD and her friend will be going into reception) and she wants to be included in the arrangement. I'm not keen on this arrangement because (a) I don't want my daughter being taken into school by 3 different sets of people - especially when she us settling into "big school" (b) I don't want the added hassle of taking her DD to the nursery which is in a different part if the school and also going through the settling in period as her child is very clingy (c) I don't want to have to carry 2 additional car seats around and I can't fit them across the back of my car meaning one child would have to sit in the front (d) I feel nervous about having to walk 3 small children into the school as there is no on site parking and quite frequently I have to park a fairly long way away, crossing roads etc and finally, I don't actually want to reduce the number of trips I do to the school. My current arrangement involves us doing 2 each and the 5th one we do alone, primarily to have a bit of special 1:1 time with our DDs. My current car share friend shares these sentiments but we don't want to offend our other friend by saying no. We thought perhaps we could offer to take her DD once a week on the day that we usually do the car share alone? (It's also worth mentioning that she and her husband currently share school runs as he works locally...very close to DDs school ....part of her desire to join our school run is that I think she feels a bit left out, as opposed to struggling with logistics)....AIBU?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 31/08/2014 14:08

No.

It suits you as it is. Tell her the children are settled, in different year groups and that it would be too complicated for all of you (including her).

Just arrange to meet up with her on Fridays.

hamptoncourt · 31/08/2014 14:35

YANBU.

Just say no, it is going to make things too complicated.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 31/08/2014 14:39

YANBU

I have successfully shared my nursery school run for the past year with DDs best friend. We both have 3 DCs and our DSs are at another school together so it really helps with the logistics of pre and after school clubs, not to mention cutting down the driving. We both have husbands that work long hours so it has been a real godsend

End of story. You do not mess with something that is working THAT well. For me, the only exception to that would be if it made the difference between someone being able to return to work or not - or something else really really major, not just 'we want to play toooooo!'.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 31/08/2014 14:39

What has the your 'already sharing with' friend said about it?

Stressandhassle · 31/08/2014 14:45

"Already sharing" friend isn't keen for the same reasons that I'm not......

OP posts:
TodayIsAGoodDay · 31/08/2014 14:57

I think you're being a bit mean tbh. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were the other friend - she just wants to be included.

lordnoobson · 31/08/2014 14:58

Fuck her. Say no

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/08/2014 15:09

YANBU. A good school run is a precious thing and not to be messed with Smile.

"I feel nervous about having to walk 3 small children into the school as there is no on site parking and quite frequently I have to park a fairly long way away"
I would emphasise that point particularly to her. Maybe backed up by her daughter's clinginess ('I'm not sure your DD would appreciate being taken in to nursery by me, she might find it a bit more scary without you or DH there').

phantomnamechanger · 31/08/2014 15:18

she has asked a question, to which you are entitled to say no.
involving another person could actually make things a whole lot more tricky to negotiate rather than just easier.

Annarose2014 · 31/08/2014 15:18

If in doubt, blame the kids. "DD got really upset at the idea of 3 people bringing her every week - she's only just got used to the two of us sharing the job! Sorry hon xxx"

gamerchick · 31/08/2014 15:30

Tell her you would rather wait until her kids at school and there is no nursery involved if you can't say no straight off.

treadheavily · 31/08/2014 15:34

I never do 3-way arrangements anymore. Too complicated.

You are going to need to let her know in the nicest possible way.

MomOfABeast · 31/08/2014 15:36

Perfectly reasonable to say no. If her daughter's clingy it would probably be better to have her mum drop her off anyway, asking you to do the settling in period is a big ask.

rainbowinmyroom · 31/08/2014 15:41

No, NO offering or compromising. Just, 'Sorry, we are happy with the current arrangement.'

ILovePud · 31/08/2014 15:45

YANBU, stress the safety aspects and not wanting to unsettle your DD but make an extra effort to include her in other things.

ILovedYouYesterday · 31/08/2014 15:46

Perfectly reasonable to say no.

Just say you feel three little ones would be too much to manage. It does sound like a massive hassle to me and one I wouldn't want to get involved in.

Could do a vague' maybe when they are bit older' if you want to let her down gently.

PecanNut · 31/08/2014 15:51

YANBU. I also like 'sorry, we are happy with the current arrangement'.

Offering compromises and excuses is just faffing around that will make no-one happy.

ilovesooty · 31/08/2014 15:56

Just no. No apologies, excuses or explanations. 'I hear you'd like to be included, but we're happy with the current arrangements and don't want to change them'

wheresthelight · 31/08/2014 16:00

the car seat issue seals it for me frankly. you cannot fit three seats in the back of your car ergo you cannot take her child. if she argues the front seat you can tell her that you are not happy with a child in the front (check out the law as am sure there are restrictions) and as it's your car it's your rules

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 31/08/2014 18:34

If she is an MNer you aren't going to have to say anything...

I posted earlier that I would say 'No' because a Good School Run is not to be messed with.

However, I wouldn't put it like that to her. I think if someone says 'No, we're happy with the current arrangements' it sounds very 'so fuck you'. Whereas if you say 'No - and one of your perfectly valid reasons' it comes across as 'we have thought about this but we can't due to x'. Much kinder IMO

I would say 'I'm sorry but we really can't, we both struggle keeping the two girls safe with having to park on the road and walk a long way as well, we couldn't safely manage 'her DD' to the nursery school as well. I'm really sorry. Maybe next year when they are all a bit older'.

Or say about the car seats

Or something

You have plenty of good reasons why it's not a good idea even if you didn't mind doing it. It's just nicer to give her a good reason than just saying 'No, it doesn't suit us fuck you.

Stressandhassle · 31/08/2014 19:12

Thanks MNers......! I will make sure to give reasons and hopefully she won't be too cross with me!! :-)

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 31/08/2014 19:14

Just say sorry, it wouldn't work for you, as it will get too complicated.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 31/08/2014 19:16

I hope she is understanding and you don't fall out over it. It's hard to feel 'left out' even as an adult, but you don't want to mess up your brilliant arrangement and it's not as if they are struggling to get her there themselves. Good luck. Do it asap and then you can stop worrying about it :)

TheMaddHugger · 19/09/2014 17:41

UpDate ??

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