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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my husband about pair of underpants in the washing that aren't his?

61 replies

bluehaze · 31/08/2014 11:45

He came back from business trip last week and I was just folding the clean washing. I came across a pair of underpants that aren't his - definitely not his. I know this as a fact. I looked in the label and they are from Debenhams and every other pair he owns are from M$S. So I jokingly say, you have someone else's underpants in your washing! cue, an awful lot of loud noise, trips upstairs to get the other 'matching' pairs for proof (from M$S so definitely NOT matching), asserting that they are definitely his, and I am wrong. Now what began as a fairly innocuous situation has developed into a scene where I am really wondering where these came from. My mind boggles at the possibilities - aibu to investigate further - and if not, then how do i investigate? Has anyone else had the same?

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 31/08/2014 12:38

There are loads of reasons why he might have someone else's by mistake.

But why he would try to insist they are his when they clearly are not?

If you are sure they are not his, then he is lying.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 31/08/2014 12:41

In my friends situation it turned out that her DH was having an affair and the OW had bought them for him, supposedly for when he was at her house (he worked away, but instead of sleeping at the hotel he was booked in & work paid for, he stayed at hers most of the time and they stayed at the hotel some nights). This was what uncovered the affair, she hadn't suspected a thing :(

I actually think the OW knew exactly what she was doing and wanted to speed things along a bit :(

OP - you said this went from a 'joking about' conversation to a heated one. What was his first reaction/look?

I really hope it's just something daft or a gift from his mum/sister that has been buried at the back of his drawer for ages maybe?

2boys1girlNoPeace · 31/08/2014 12:43

I would find it weird for my partner to know where all my undies came from

I know what all my partners boxers like, mainly because he only likes one style so they are all the same, and partly because I am the one who does all the washing.

The issue here is his reaction to it, storming off and so forth... The mix up with the undies can be explained easily enough, with a varied range of responses, from innocent to suspicious, the reaction is odd, if it were innocent he'd have no clue, or be bemused by the fact he has managed to pick up another mans undies...

Although, we can only take your word for it that you weren't accusing? Could his reaction be because he felt accused, even if that isn't what you meant?
So many times my partner and I have argued because one or both of us hasn't realised the tone of voice used isn't what was meant. My partner can be very stroppy with out even realising it... Could this be the case here?

Bearandcub · 31/08/2014 12:50

Maybe he shit himself and just bought new ones?

Fairenuff · 31/08/2014 12:55

But why not just tell her he bought new ones though Bear?

2boys1girlNoPeace · 31/08/2014 13:18

Embarrassment Fairenuff?
Some couples don't share all....
Though I'd rather my partner knew I'd pooped than have them think I was cheating (not that I'm saying the OP thinks this)

2boys1girlNoPeace · 31/08/2014 13:19

Although, he didn't have to tell her anything if he pooped, just that he bought some more, I suppose...

Numanoid · 31/08/2014 15:03

His reaction is the only thing that sounds out of place, there could be more than one reasonable explanation for the impostor underpants. Hmm
But why he wouldn't just tell you is the odd part.

Numanoid · 31/08/2014 15:03

Although, he didn't have to tell her anything if he pooped, just that he bought some more, I suppose...

Actually, if it was something like this, I can see his point in not saying.

phantomnamechanger · 31/08/2014 15:13

but if he had had to buy more as an emergency, there would be matching ones somewhere - or do they come in ones?

AnguaResurgam · 31/08/2014 15:18

Maybe he was cross because he's convinced (rightly or wrongly) that he didn't bring any errant pants back with him, and is now thinking OP is responsible for randome in the house.

Original poster
bluehaze · 31/08/2014 17:40

Most replies seem to be echoing what I am feeling - ie it's a lot of fuss to make about something unimportant. These are men's pants, old and probably bigger than DH's usual size - so I wasn't jumping to any conclusions along the lines of Whose Lacy Knickers Are These??? I can think of obvious explanations too - such as the hotel laundry mix up etc. As posters have said up thread though - it was really just the whole scene that just seemed so out of place. Not sure now what's best - ignore gut reaction or ignore huffy Ott underpants ownership proof performance! Seems very minor but still ... It wasn't Nothing if that makes sense

OP posts:
Original poster
bluehaze · 31/08/2014 17:50

Sorry missed page 2! Thanks for replies though. These are not new so not the result of any emergency purchases and def not special OW pants - unless OW has been around a long long time - and has been washing them for years . Which I guess could be possible ... :( Plus there was def NO accusatory tone - I just shouted out from another room and laughed. Then came the charging in to examine offending imposter pants and the rest ...
Baffling really.

OP posts:
quietbatperson · 31/08/2014 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steff13 · 31/08/2014 18:08

I buy the underwear for everyone in my house, so I would definitely know if an errant pair showed up in our laundry.

I can think of lots of innocent reasons for him to have another man's underwear, but his reaction is worrying, IMO. He could have easily said, "Oh, I shared a room with Bob, I must have picked his up by mistake," or "I used the hotel's laundry service, they must have sent me the wrong ones." But he didn't, it sounds like he went out of his way to try to prove they were his.

Medibeagle · 31/08/2014 18:09

He may have muddled them up with Bob after the orgy.

steff13 · 31/08/2014 18:15

I suppose so, Medibeagle. :)

If it were my husband, I'd be concerned. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, OP.

Bulbasaur · 31/08/2014 18:19

If they are worn do they smell like your DH?

You want the OP to sniff dirty underwear?? Grin

Real question is, is he normally neurotic like this, or is his typically chill and laid back? I could see this reaction being normal for someone with anxiety, or abnormal for someone that's typically nonplussed about things.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 31/08/2014 18:21

I think you need to ask him. Be calm but say they are not his and you want to know why he was trying to prove they were so strongly.

Fairenuff · 31/08/2014 18:26

Or he could just say 'No idea where those came from' and be just as baffled as OP. Then, between them, they could try to fathom out how he came to have another man's underwear in his bag. That's what me and dh would do.

But the fact that he instantly denied that they belong to someone else sounds odd.

marymouse · 31/08/2014 18:28

Is your dh Paul Ross? Shock

foolishpeach · 31/08/2014 18:40

I'd be suspicious of his reaction.

Do you have any other reason to believe he may not be telling the truth op?

quietbatperson · 31/08/2014 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cherrybombxo · 31/08/2014 19:10

marymouse that was my first thought haha!

redshifter · 31/08/2014 19:13

If you think you have reason not to trust him then jist call the hotel, they will be able to tell you if it was single or double occupancy that night

Nah. You can easily book a room for one person and have the OW/OM just come in and join you. This is what my XDP did.
And if many times people can have a room each. Meet, flirt at hotel bar and go up to one of their rooms. If hotel says it was single occupancy, it would not prove or disprove anything.

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