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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let dd2 start reception having school dinners even though she probably won't eat them?

35 replies

Beavie · 30/08/2014 23:56

Dd1 is a very fussy eater, and has been since she was a baby, and now at the age of 10 eats a very limited range of foods. She has packed lunches at school, which tend to be the same things each day but they are fairly healthy.

Dd2 is about to start reception. She was BLW and used to be a fantastic eater, but gradually she has got more and more picky about what she'll eat, though she is nowhere near as bad as dd1. For instance she used to eat most meats, but now it's pretty much just ham or chicken. She used to eat pasta with sauces and veg but now it's just literally plain pasta with cheese.

When she was at nursery, she went from being totally happy there to kicking off every morning I had to take her. One day she wanted to take a packed lunch, so I made her one and from then on she was fine about going to nursery, and had a packed lunch every day instead of nursery meals.

Now that she is starting school, I have signed her up for the free school meals. My rationale here was that a) I am skint so free is my favourite price, and b) hopefully as the majority of kids will be eating the school meals, she will crack on and hopefully try some new things and the fussiness may be reversed.

Now that school is looming, I have started to worry about this. I have had no information from the school about what the meals are, or whether they get a choice about what they have. She has only just turned 4 and will be doing whole days from the start, so it's a long day if she doesn't eat anything at lunch. I also worry that she will (rightly) think it's very unfair that her sister gets a packed lunch but she has school meals.

I'm probably being a sap but I worry that school is going to be a huge change for her as it is, and the meals may cause her additional stress. Do you think I should stick to my guns or just let her take a bloody packed lunch? At the moment she doesn't really know that she will be having school dinners, I've just kept quiet about it.

OP posts:

backwardpossom · 31/08/2014 00:02

Go for it - my DS started primary school a fortnight ago (Scotland) and he is an incredibly fussy eater. He came home after his first day raving about the tomato soup (which wasn't Heinz) and the roast beef. My jaw about hit the floor. If I served those up to him, there'd be a full-blown meltdown. I think peer pressure can be a good thing in this situation - he's obviously seeing his friends eating it.

hippo123 · 31/08/2014 00:03

I would give her school dinners until at least half term. she might surprise you and I should think most of her class mates will be having school dinners. I would hope the school would let you know soon enough if she ate nothing.

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 31/08/2014 00:07

I would take the school dinner route too.

She is probably becoming fussy because she sees her big sister doing it - at school she will see the vast majority of the kids eating school dinners and will just join in. Most school lunches they get two choices. Though it's usually hard to tell what it was they had unless you recognise the stain Do ask her each day what she had, the descriptions are hysterical.

TyneTeas · 31/08/2014 00:09

A lot of councils have the menu on their website. They seem to be typically go on a three-week cycle. In my area there is usually a choice from two mains or sandwiches/baked potatoes plus pudding. I used to print it out and talk to my dd about what she thought she might choose each day.

Original poster

Beavie · 31/08/2014 00:09

thanks for the responses. I feel like less of an evil witch now, I know that logically she will be fine and this is probably the kindest thing I can do for her if it means that she becomes less fussy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beavie · 31/08/2014 00:13

Thanks tyneteas, not sure how it works here as I know that the school has changed supplier and will now be getting their lunches from a local residential activity centre up the road, so they are probably different to other schools. I am completely clueless as to how it works, despite dd1 just going into year 6, as school meals for her were never something I would have contemplated. Hopefully they will get a bit of a choice, as long as there are sandwiches hopefully she'll be fine.

OP posts:

AlpacaMyBags · 31/08/2014 04:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoandMax · 31/08/2014 04:26

Is there an option to split lunches? So maybe school dinners Monday, Wednesday and Friday with a packed lunch the other 2 days?

I'm all for encouraging better eating and I'm sure seeing her friends will help but I'm a real softie with eating (DS2 is an ex-tube fed baby!) so would prefer a compromise if I could.....

Icimoi · 31/08/2014 07:36

I think splitting lunches would be disastrous - if she sees that she can have packed lunches some days she'll hold out for having them every day. Much better to present it as something that just happens for every child in Reception.

Passthecake30 · 31/08/2014 07:51

I know in our infants 150 out of 180 have signed up....including my two, who I have told to give it a go. I think watching their peers will definitely help.

Chuckthefucklebrothers · 31/08/2014 08:04

I am in exactly the same situation with my DS - fussy little ratbag! I'm going to start him off on school dinners & see how he goes (I'm sure he'll eat the puddings, if nothing else!). My thinking is, if I start him off on packed lunches (he refuses to even contemplate anything except cheese in a sandwich) he'll never accept changing to a school dinners later. I too am hoping that seeing the other kids tucking in without making a fuss will encourage him to do the same - dinner ladies aren't as mean as they were in our day & school dinners are much nicer!

Jollyphonics · 31/08/2014 08:06

I'd give her school dinners. Both my kids are very fussy, but they always eat their school dinner. I always give them a big breakfast, just in case.

Stealthpolarbear · 31/08/2014 08:10

Incredibly fussy ds only started eating certain things when all children at nursery did. Peer pressure is a wonderful thing :)

cricketballs · 31/08/2014 08:20

My DS (ASD) used to be extremely fussy, (still is but is getting more open about trying foods) if he took a packed lunch it would consist of jam sandwich only! I therefore like you decided on school lunches. There are times when his meal is not very balanced , but I'm happier knowing he is eating something other than jam

Laundryangel · 31/08/2014 08:22

With the government initiative kicking off this September, I think a lot of us are going to be seeing what happens. The school DD is starting at has never offered school dinners, is now planning on building a kitchen in which they can at least reheat meals but, from September, will be providing a packed lunch in a bag. From what I can work out, there will be no choice & no seconds or thirds. DD eats a more than most children of her age (yet you can still see her ribs front & back so it is hunger rather than greed) and gets really grumpy if she doesn't eat enough so I am a bit worried as she may well end up not getting enough & then be a nightmare in the afternoon.

Ginrummy · 31/08/2014 08:34

I split the lunches with ds and yes, it was disastrous. He's now down to one school dinner day and begs to get rid of that too.
I think you're doing the right thing, especially not making a big deal of it. You can ask staff to keep an eye on how much she's eating and switch later on. At ds's school you don't have to commit at all, dinners are done on a day-to-day basis.

BettyFlour · 31/08/2014 08:35

Give her the school lunches. Let her try it until half term. If you find out (from the teachers, not DD!) that she isn't eating anything. Then you can have a re-think.

My fussy DS started Reception last year and is incredibly fussy. He had one of 2 fillings everyday (specific bread), water and nothing else! By Christmas he asked to try school meals! Sometimes he enjoys it and sometimes he is less keen. But he at least tries the food which is different at home!

I wouldn't do the half school lunches and half packed lunches as she will see that she can have a packed lunch.

I'm really pleased that the free school lunches has come about, not from the monetary side of things but my DS has become slowly less fussy and I know it's because of peer pressure! So I'm pleased most of his friends will be joining him having school meals next week, as I was worried he might change his mind.

I'm sure you'll DD will at least have fruit or pudding! I'm sure it's the puddings that convinced my DS to try them!

Another idea has popped in my head!

What about weighing your DD now and then again at half term, then see if she's still putting on weight at the usual rate? Without telling her why.

BettyFlour · 31/08/2014 08:41

Does your DD have friends starting Reception with her that you know will be having school meals? When you broach the subject with her, tell her that those friends are having it too. And possibly try to find a menu. When DS chose to start school meals, I went through the menu with him each morning, then reminded him as he was going into class what he'd chosen (I also sometimes helped direct his choice so I knew he would eat something).

I will be going through the menu with him daily again for the next few weeks. I think it helps him prepare.

R4roger · 31/08/2014 08:47

I would, is it free now?
it is a very good way to cure fussiness and less stress for you.

WooWooOwl · 31/08/2014 09:01

It's definitely worth a try. I've told many a stunned parent that their child ate lasagne/pie/whatever that day.

It's something that I think most schools need to communicate better with parents about, but if you ask the teacher/TAs, they will often be able to get the information and reassure you that your child is eating, or let you know that it's not working and your child would be better off with packed lunches.

Hopefully you'll get more information at the start of term and you'll have a menu so you know what's coming each day and what the choices are.

Fattyfattyyumyum · 31/08/2014 09:05

I'd put both of them on school dinners

Jennifersrabbit · 31/08/2014 09:07

Id give it a go - will be doing so with my fussy DD going into y1. They do surprise you.

Dd and DS came home raving about chicken korma - would never have eaten at home. Now a regular, although apparently mine isn't quite right as the chicken korma they have at school is green

LeBearPolar · 31/08/2014 09:10

DS is a fussy eater. He has never gone hungry at school although has had school lunches right from the start (he is now about to go to secondary school). He eats every single meal they do. Obviously he likes some more than others but he never doesn't eat.

If I served him the same meals at home, he'd starve

Original poster

Beavie · 31/08/2014 11:30

Thanks everyone. I agree that splitting packed lunches and school dinners would be a disaster, I think consistency will be key! I had a look on the school website and there is a sample menu from the new supplier...from what I can tell there is only one option every day (so not really and option!) but it looks good. And there's fruit and yoghurt every day so at least I know she will eat that!

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 31/08/2014 11:41

I'm not sure they'll have a sandwich option, though.

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