My mother is so annoying

[Lala105]

It's my ds 13 birthday today. Several visits from relatives passed by with best wishes tea, cake etc. then my mother arrives. Her topic of conversation started as usual with someone's illness . After a few minutes of her talking about someone I don't even know (and neither does she) and their blood cancer (yes it is sad but it was supposed to be a happy day for ds). I asked her if we could talk about something different different as it was ds's birthday. There was a bit of silence so I mentioned that it was one of her friends' daughter in laws birthday today too. She then started going into one about how selfish this person was and that her friend had told her stuff, blah blah. I said Mum please stop saying things like that, as I said I really want this to be a nice day. She looked at me and said if she wasn't allowed to say anything she would go home and she got up and left! Leaving my stepdad there. She drives me mad. All the time, it has to be about her or she sulks. This is not the first time, but we are supposed to be going out for dinner tonight and I don't want her spoiling it for ds. Any words of wisdom please x

No words of wisdom I'm afraid but you have my sympathies! How annoying that she can talk about happy things or just smile and eat cake for 5 minutes.

I think you said the right things. She took offense but you told her kindly.
Keep telling her that you don't like her depressing gossip and maybe she'll learn but I doubt it will be quick.
Ignore her nastiness if she starts tonight.

We're all different but I would have let it go and just given her an eye roll

You know what she's like and I doubt she'll change

Anyway, some people just really don't know what to say, so they do come out with stuff about other people's illnesses etc

I can't see how that's going to spoil a 13 year old's birthday

That reminds me of when I turned up at nan's 20 mins later than I'd originally planned on my birthday last week.

She'd had no other plans but initially refused to speak to me! ON my birthday!

Some people can be very self absorbed.

Maybe she cannot think of anything else to say and is just trying to make conversation.

Try to gently steer her in to more positive conversation in future, perhaps.

Or investigate why she is insisting on depressing topics of conversation i.e. depression?

Also no words of wisdom...but just a note that I feel your pain. I'm staying with my parents this weekend. They are driving me absolutely insane!

I feel your pain.

My Mum is just so negative & assumes the worst about everyone and everything all of the time. Loads of pointless stories about people I don't know... or my brother . It drives me batshit and it's getting worse because she forgets she has told you and despite me saying either 'Yes you said yesterday :)', 'Yes you said and xyx happened, that's a shame' - she'll nod and still tell you the fucking tedious story AGAIN. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh then she wonders why I don't call her more often

The thing that stops me snapping entirely is that she loves me to bits, would do anything for me except find a more positive outlook on life and I know that one day I will cry to hear her voice again, irrespective of what she is whittering on about. I try to keep that in mind ... oh and drink

I hope you have a good evening :)

My MIL does this. She came to visit us in out anniversary once and went on about her unhappy marriage to DH's dad, and her issues with his stepdad. On the DS's birthdays you can guarantee she will go on about people who are ill / dying, problems at the school she is a lunchtime assistant at, and making up lies about DH's brothers.
It isn't even as if she is lovely in other ways, I just think she is toxic and it makes me sad.
Op, I hope she stays in a huff and doesn't come. Happy birthday to your DS

Oh dear. May I mention that one day we will be in the position of our mothers? We might be like that. I agree that it is frustrating but it could be that there#s nothing else in their lives.

My mother knew that my DH and I were going out early one morning. She rang at 6.30am to tell us that she felt abandoned!

There's something about getting old they makes you obsessed with other people's illnesses. Don't know what it is but guess we'll find out when we get there!

WhoDaresWins - I say it in front of many witnesses. If I do, you have my full permission to shoot me, don't tell me, just do it

Once when I was on holiday, and it was my birthday, and DM knew that my boyfriend was going to propose to me, she called me "just to let me know that a member of the family had been arrested."

Fucking Cow!

I'm old(ish) and I'm not in the least bit interested in anyone else's health problems. I'm not even much interested in my own.

I don't think people suddenly get like that as they grow older; I think they must have always been somewhat self-absorbed. It's very draining having to listen to them. Put your foot down with a firm hand!

Thank you all for your comments, I know I am not alone. Well this evening I collected her and stepdad. I tried to chat but she didn't even acknowledge me. She didn't even say hello. When I tried to ask her what she had chosen to eat I just got one word answers. My sister noticed and my stepdad just covered up for her by being extra jovial. This isn't the first tine she has behaved badly and I am sure it won't be the last but I am sick of it. She just thinks of herself :-(

You have my sympathy OP

Several years ago my mum turned up to DDs birthday do with a face on as I told her she couldn't bring a random man friend along who I had never met. My sister gave a lift, half an hour after arriving mum asks her when she's leaving. When my sister replied 7ish she said 'abit earlier?'
My sister ended up having to take her home and come back again.