Parental responsibilities

[Sarahglen]

Hi, I'm new to this, and need advice really.

I had a little girl 8 weeks ago, 4 days after she was born my OH left us stating he wanted nothing more to do with her or me.
Then last week I received a letter from his solicitor stating I have prevented access, and he wants me to sign a parental agreement form.

I don't want to sign this form as he has provided nothing and never been there for her in anyway. Since walking out of our lives he has jetted off on holiday twice, and been drinking every night. He has also been violent to me in he past, resulting in two hospital admissions.

I feel strongly he is wanting parental rights to spite me and cause me grief and wondering if I should let the courts sort it out? Does anyone have any experience of this?

I would ask for proof of your so called refusal of access and then refuse to sign the form.

he walked out stating he wanted nothing to do with her then frankly he has made his bed

although you may get more relevant advice if you post under the legal thread

Do you have your own solicitor, if not you might want to consider talking to one as a free consultation.

Were his violent attacks logged with the police? Do you have evidence they took place? If this goes as far as court you will not be able to rely on your word against his.

Definitely seek legal advice before signing anything. Perhaps if you make it clear that you'll be fighting him in court he won't bother pursuing contact, particularly if it means he'll have to pay child support. Have you got any evidence of past violence, perhaps a solicitor could advise you whether this is grounds for refusing contact? If not Perhaps you could insist on supervised visits only with a trusted third part present until the issue s resolved?

It is called parental responsibility, not parental rights. If he wants it the courts will almost certainly give him PR if you refuse to give it voluntarily. Contact is another matter.

I'm assuming he's not on the birth certificate then?

What a twat, if he wanted parental responsibility then all he had to do was go along to the registrar with you.

My advice is to contact this woman Liz Whittle of this firm Kenwright Walker Wyllie on this phone number 020 89791131.

Seriously he walked out on you four days after your baby was born saying he wanted nothing to do you both, he was violent towards you and now he wants access. No judge in their right mind would allow this.
It makes me sick!
Write a polite letter to his solicitor stating that you are not in a position to discuss the matter or enter into any correspondence until you've obtained legal advice and do not discuss it or enter into any until then.
As a victim of DV you've got a passport to legal aid anyway.
There are those of us who spend our lives fighting for our children, men who abandon them like that don't deserve to be fertile imo.

I agree with PP's who advise to seek legal advice, but ultimately, if your xp wants PR and access to his daughter, he is highly likely to be granted it.
It has nothing to do with whether he 'deserves' it and everything to do with your daughter 'deserving' a relationship with her father.

Sorry you are going through such an awful time with your xp but unless he has been proven to be violent to your baby, he will be granted both whether by your consent or through a court.

Seriously he walked out on you four days after your baby was born saying he wanted nothing to do you both, he was violent towards you and now he wants access. No judge in their right mind would allow this.

clearly you have next to no experience of family courts. judges do allow contact with violent parents. especially if the violence was not against the child.

Do not sign. Don't make anything easy for him.

He doesn't sound like he has too much stamina to do things the hard way. If you are lucky, he won't follow through on court action. You need legal advice though really.

is he named on the birth certificate OP?

Does the form say anything about his responsibilities, notably to give financial support? The solicitor should have advised you to take independent legal advice anyway, and if he hasn't, he is acting improperly.

I'd hope that given the serious and documented nature of the assaults (resulting in hospitalisation) that a judge would be concerned about this man having contact with his child. I also think that because of your DC's age and the fact that they therefore have no pre-existing relationship that a judge would view this situation differently than say for example a violent father who had been living with his child for several years and where a case could be made that the child had a good relationship with their father and that ceasing contact would be detrimental. That's just my laypersons opinion though, I'd definitely seek legal advice. Hope it works out for you.

IME a family court will take the attitude that the child deserves a relationship with their father. How they build a relationship with their child is to spend time with them.
With a very young baby, this is usually 'little and often' and if a judge was concerned about potential violence, it may be deemed appropriate to award supervised contact, but this is only ever seen as a short term arrangement, lasting a few months at most, rather than years on end.
A family court has the attitude that the child has a right to a relationship with both parents, and how else does a child build a relationship with both parents if the child doesn't see one of the parents?
To the pp who said that a judge would take the fact that the child has no relationship with the father into account and as such is unlikely to miss what they haven't had (so to speak) as opposed to a child who has built a relationship up with the NRP, and possibly not award contact, I'm afraid this is very unlikely indeed.

The system is full of flaws and many disgruntled parents but expecting a judge to block contact because the child has no idea who that person is will not happen imo.
The judge will be looking for ways to build up contact gradually, and they will expect the RP to facilitate this and present the child for contact despite violence against the RP.

There are a large number of separated parents who have had issues with DV. Their children still see both parents and have relationships with both of them too.

You need legal aid. As a victim of DV you are entitled to it. Have a look at this link.

www.justice.gov.uk/legal-aid-for-private-family-matters/legal-aid-divorcing-separating-abusive-partner

As you were hospitalised the doctor's letter is probably the simplest.

Don't sign anything he/his lawyer has sent you without talking to a lawyer yourself. I'm no expert but it sounds like the lawyer is trying his luck to me.

Please get direct real life legal advice and remember that just because his solicitor has asked you to do something it does not mean you have to,his solicitor works for him and he is not in charge nor does he have any authority or power over you.

Even the family law solicitor already on this thread (well the poster I know is one) as good and qualified and helpful as they are cannot fully advise you because they do not have access to your full circumstances.all anybody can do on here is give general information, and the thread will rapidly fill up with opinions presented as facts and tales of woe and righteous indignation. You do not need that what you need is actual advice based on your circumstances from a reputable check able source.

You can get basic free legal advice from legal bods with vast experance of DV from here

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

And here

www.childrenslegalcentre.com/index.php?page=the_child_law_advice_line

Or if any of the DV experienced happened in the last 2 years and you can evidence this (hospital admission note woukd be useful or letter from medical person you told or SW anything like that)then income permitting you will obtain legal aid this means that you can see a face to face solicitor,but its worth calling for an appointment ASAP as most have huge waiting lists for legal aid cases and the quicker you get on it the quicker you can get seen.

When you go see them you will need to take your evidence of DV and income.

In the mean time it would be worth asking your local authority or victim support if you have a domestic violence intervention partnership in your area as some will have a qualified solicitor either on the team or associated with them,they may even have a SW in the partnership who could assist with practical things.