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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect a bit of common decency?!

19 replies

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 29/08/2014 22:50

We are in the process of selling our flat and buying a house. Our buyers pulled out today, which is fair enough, they are perfectly within their rights to do that, for whatever reason, until exchange of contracts. But what has really annoyed me, is the fact that the buyers haven't even had the decency to phone/message me herself. Instead I have had an email forwarded to me from the housing association (we're selling our stake in shared ownership) advising they have had to pull out. Again that would be ok if that was the only way we had communicated for the last month, but she has been pestering me by phone and email!! I have spoken to her most days etc, and she has asked me on several occasions if we get another buyer etc (before sale was officially agreed) as she really didn't want to lose the flat. I have kept her up to date with our situation. She is fully aware that we have already agreed the purchase of another property, and instructed solicitors, and applied for the mortgage etc.
Then this morning. not even a one line e-mail. She hasn't even had the decency to reply to the last email I sent (asking if she would like us to leave some curtains etc!). Personally if I had been in touch with someone so much, and I had asked them to keep me up to date, and had been phoning them regularly etc, I would be doing the same in return.

I am just so livid with her, which really could have been avoided if she had sent me a quick message herself. Would that have been the decent thing to do or am I expecting too much from people these days?

OP posts:
Cantbelievethisishappening · 29/08/2014 22:52

YANBU but it may be the felt awkward making contact herself.

fluffyduffydoo · 29/08/2014 22:54

she proberly feels mortified and completely embarrassed that what for ever reason her ability to purchase your flat has fallen through

phantomnamechanger · 29/08/2014 22:54

Maybe she's been rushed into hospital or something else drastic has forced their change of plan. I get where you are coming from but it is not usual for buyer/vendor to liaise directly, there may have been reasons she did not want to explain, or maybe she was just embarrassed/afraid of how you would take it?

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 29/08/2014 22:55

But she didn't need to phone and actually speak to me about it - she could have emailed me directly, like she has been for the last month.

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LatteLoverLovesLattes · 29/08/2014 22:55

I am sorry it has fallen through, I hope you don't lose your house.

Yes, it is cowardly and rude of her not to email/call herself. Irrespective of why they are pulling out.

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 29/08/2014 22:58

To be honest, if she had phoned and explained the reasons herself, I would have been ok with it. Whether it was because they couldn't fund it, or just didn't want the flat. We would have been disappointed for ourselves, but I would have thanked her for letting us know, and cracked on with getting another buyer. I wouldn't have been angry (like I was getting the information second hand, and suddently being referred to as "the seller" etc)

My point is, if she can find time to email the housing association, she could have found 1 min to email me. It is what I would have done.

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LynetteScavo · 29/08/2014 22:59

She probably absolutely gutted that she will now not get the home she was really excited about.

She's probably very embarrassed too.

Have the couple split up?

This is way people use estate agencies to sell their houses, so situations like this don't occur.

Are you really livid with her, or livid that you have lost a buyer?

phantomnamechanger · 29/08/2014 22:59

to go from dead keen to it's all off , SOMETHING major must have happened

of course you are cross and disappointed. they probably are too, they wanted this sale as much as you did!

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 29/08/2014 23:04

she was acting on behalf of her brother, who was supposed to be buying the flat. I don't know the details, but apparently he is no longer buying due to medical advice. He is an older gentleman (wanting ground floor flat) so it is indeed quite possible that he has had a bad turn in the last day or so. But again, I do not know, as I have not been told (even though up until now I appear to have been told her/their life story!)

I am cross that she has not contacted me herself - she could have at least sent the same email to housing association and myself at the same time. Would have taken her no extra time. Especially after how much I have spoken to her in the last month. And of course I am deeply upset that we have lost a buyer, and most likely lost the house that we intend to purchase.

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LatteLoverLovesLattes · 30/08/2014 00:49

I think you are feeling hurt by her and I think that's perfectly understandable. After telling your her/their life story she's now cut you dead - it's just Not Nice. I am sure if he's taken a turn or something she is busy, but I am equally sure she could have managed one text to you - even if it was just 'I'm sorry, will explain later' or something.

Has the agent got you back on the top of their list? Is the house you are hoping to buy listed with them?

Fingers crossed you get another buyer quickly!

Have you spoken to the people you are buying from?

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 30/08/2014 19:35

It is being sold through the housing association at the moment. We have reached the end of the marketing period with them now, so I will be able to instruct an estate agent. That is something else for me to look into this week.

We have a viewing booked in for early this week. She contacted me only a week ago, so I had her details and messaged her straight away. We will have to re-market to get anyone else in through the door.

No, I haven't spoken to our sellers yet. I don't have their direct contact details, and I found out all of this too late to phone the solicitor yesterday.

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Singmetosleepzzz · 30/08/2014 19:41

I sold my shared ownership flat too and it was a complete nightmare. Doing all the viewings, being pestered by people, loads of people trying to buy with no job or money etc and so failed the financial interview. It took a year - I can remember we went through around 12 buyers. I am really sorry to hear this, do you have a waiting list of people waiting?

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 30/08/2014 19:46

12 buyers?! jeez!!! And a year!! I don't think we can wait that long! My DD will be nearly 3 by then, and we have a 1 bedroom flat! Plus, I'm concerned that if house prices go up much further then we will only be able to afford a craphole!

Nope, no waiting list. Unfortunately loads of flats in our block have gone up for sale in the last few months. There hasn't been a great deal of interest, not on a shared ownership basis anyway.

I have already checked out the lady who is viewing this week - housing association say it looks affordable.

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Singmetosleepzzz · 30/08/2014 19:53

Sorry, didn't mean to worry you, should have been more positive! A, sure you will be fine - one of the buyers was exactly like your recent drop out - she was actually a neighbour renting a room, was super nice etc etc and then pulled out via the housing association the day after we had last seen her. Was so frustrating and I was so tempted to contact her but held off.

Is the property a fixed price? Do you have the chance to sell the whole property on the open market? I know different HA have different rules.

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 30/08/2014 20:18

Property is a fixed price at the moment. Now we have completed the marketing period with the HA we can sell on the open market - either just our share or the whole thing. I believe that on the open market we can accept lower offers, but we might have to make up the difference to the HA, unless we can prove that the flat is only worth the lower price.

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Singmetosleepzzz · 30/08/2014 20:35

I see, same as my position. I'm not surprised you are totally fed up - which region are you in? Unfortunately in our area there were so many one bed flats and people really preferred two.

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 30/08/2014 20:40

We're in Kent.
There doesn't seem to be an abundance of 1 bed flats close to us. I am hoping that we will attract the single purchasers - they wouldn't be able to buy 2 bedrooms on shared ownership basis anyway.

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Singmetosleepzzz · 30/08/2014 20:44

Oh that's good, really hope the viewing goes well this week!

ColdFeetWarmHeart · 30/08/2014 20:49

Thanks Sing

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