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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it's a bit late in the day to do this?

14 replies

chimichangas · 29/08/2014 22:11

Friends are getting married in less than a fortnight. Big wedding (100 or so guests) in a fairly grand (and obviously not cheap) venue, 3 course expensively catered meal, wine/beer provided though paying bar for spirits etc.

The bride is staying at a hotel nearby the night before, and some months back had offered to pay for the rest of the wedding party to stay there too (I'm not in the wedding party but am close friends with 2 of the bridesmaids hence why I know about this) so they didn't have a long journey first thing on the big day, could help her getting ready etc. All well and good.

There's been a few rumblings over the last couple of months re things that the bride and groom originally saying they'd cover now not being paid for, like accessories for the bridesmaids and groomsmen, hair and makeup (obviously for the ladies only!) etc, but ultimately they've all gone along with it and paid for stuff themselves.

Now with almost no time to go, the bride/groom have refused to pay for the hotel rooms the night before because they can't afford it. One of the BMs has phoned me in tears because she's stressing about paying for it herself (most of the others live within driving distance so have said they'll go up on the morning). If it was a wedding on a shoestring budget (it's not), or if their financial circs had drastically changed (they haven't - both B and G work full time, and are mortgage free) I could understand it, but I think it's too late to just change their mind because they've decided it's all too expensive or just hadn't budgeted properly, and pretty thoughtless. AIBU?

OP posts:

losthermind · 29/08/2014 22:16

YANBU in my eyes, they shouldn't give people false pretences who have probably had to budget anyway,its unfair and if it was me id tell them straight

MsVestibule · 29/08/2014 22:16

Very rude and thoughtless. Could the upset bridesmaid stay with friends, or in a cheap B&B?

SarcyMare · 29/08/2014 22:19

could she stay with you?

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 29/08/2014 22:24

YANBU - it is far too late to do this, in fact, the minute after any of the bridesmaids had spent a penny on their wedding it was too late. It is incredibly rude given their circumstances haven't changed. If they have overspent it's their lookout.

If I was one of the bridesmaids I'd probably tell them I couldn't make it after all.

Original poster

chimichangas · 29/08/2014 22:26

She could stay with us however we're only slightly closer to the venue than she is so that wouldn't help much - we're going up on the day but as a BM she has to be there 1.5-2 hours before us mere guests...

She's trying to find a reasonably priced B&B for the night before, or see if she can stay with anyone else who is a bit closer.

She and the other BMs are all pretty unhappy, but none of them want to fall out with B & G just before the wedding, that said it's leaving a pretty sour taste.

OP posts:

SauvignonBlanche · 29/08/2014 22:28

That's bad!

bellarations · 29/08/2014 22:34

It's a bit shitty to have a last minute change of heart about paying for the rooms but maybe the b & g have over spent and can't afford it now.
It makes no difference if they both work ft and are mortgage free really. A fine atmosphere they have created for their big day.

Ragwort · 29/08/2014 22:43

I think the bridesmaids need to be totally honest and just say that they can't possibly afford to stay in the hotel, had they known that they would have to pay for the hotel in the first place they wouldn't have been able to afford to do so and therefore they cannot fulfill their bridesmaid duties.

The bride and groom are taking advantage of their position and deserve to be dropped in it. Just tell them ......... they might fall out with them, but quite honestly they have already fallen out with them by the decision that's been made.

Original poster

chimichangas · 30/08/2014 00:37

Apart from the one who phoned me (who may end up having to stay there if she cant get there in the morning or find a cheaper alternative) they've all told the B & G they can't afford to stay. B & G have said nothing other than that they will cancel the rooms, and seem to think it's totally acceptable to change their mind at such late notice simply by pleading poverty (which given we all know how much has been spent on the wedding, and their financial circumstances) is pretty stupid.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 30/08/2014 04:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hamptoncourt · 30/08/2014 08:23

BM should simply explain that as the hotel room is no longer funded she cannot afford to stay over and will therefore not be arriving early.

YANBU.

diddl · 30/08/2014 08:42

She needs to tell them that she can't afford to stay.

Can't one of the otherBMs put her up the night before?

londonrach · 30/08/2014 08:48

Surprised b and g offered to pay for hotel room to start with but going back on it at this last minute is awful. They derserve to have no bridesmaid as a result. How far do the bridesmaid live from the venue. Is there local people who could put them up. Tbh they don't sound a nice couple just dropping this on the bridesmaids so late in the day.....

Original poster

chimichangas · 30/08/2014 09:59

Quite relieved that the consensus is we're NBU about this!

I can see it causing a really bad atmosphere at the wedding. I do appreciate it was a nice gesture of them in the first place, but to retract it and then expect everyone just to pay for themselves at the last minute (when BMs have already bought all their own stuff apart from dresses etc) has left us all rather .

OP posts:

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