To refuse to allow DS aged 11 to use Snapchat app

[MissyHils]

DS3 aged 12 has pleaded with me to allow him to have the Snapchat app on his smartphone so he can send and share pics with his friends. We had the same conversation around 6 months ago and I said no, as I felt he was too young to use it responsibly. Cue rant from son about me being world's worst parent etc. He asked again today, as some of his primary school friends are moving to a different secondary school and he'd like to stay in touch with them using Snapchat. I'm still not at all happy about allowing this, as I feel that he's too young (official snapchat age limit is 13 yrs) . Also, with Snapchat I can't monitor his activity as, according to the Snapchat publicity, images / messages disappear 2 - 10 seconds after they are sent.
I am ICT savvy, and regularly have the "staying safe online" conversation with my children, as well as monitoring all of their online activity at my home. Situation is slightly complicated by the addition of an over permissive ex-h who allows the children to decide what they have access to when at his house, and tells the children I'm over reacting and out of touch - no bitterness or anger there on my part - honest.
I'm really welcome other mumsnetters opinions here, as maybe I am out of touch and over reacting on this one.

Thank you

Hil

End of year 7, not 8

My DD has Instagram. That is like fb but only pictures so the pictures stay in their wall.

She has added me as a friend and is only allowed friends from school or family and asks me before following or being followed by anyone.

I think you kind of have to be a teen to understand. You all sound a bit over suspicious to be honest. It's really not like that.

It's for fun/jokey pictures and messages. It's free. My 12 year old sister does it all the time and she sends me funny pictures of the dog, what she's having for lunch, little silly video clips. It's like a text but you can have a face picture to go with it.

I don't want to think about it but if she was sending inappropriate images she could just as easily text them then delete them.

YANBU to want to monitor his activity but I think you have the wrong idea of Snapchat. You only have to add friends and people can easily be blocked.

Yanbu. WhatsApp is similar but doesn't erase itself.

Still free, pictures and texts etc. It would make a good compromise

Perhaps you need to say to him that being very influenced by his friends & his propensity for entertaining his friends in school time that you don't feel this something you trust him to use sensibly right now and that maybe if he can improve on both of those things this next term you will consider it?

In my experience of teenagers, they're much more likely nowadays to do things that were considered no-no when I was that age. From what Dd1 tells me of her friends and age group, stuff goes on that would have been well frowned on when I was a kid.

You can drum into your child all about safe internet use, respecting yourself, blah de blah etc as much as you like, if they are easily led, there's always the possibility that they will be coerced into doing things they may not want to do. I work in a primary school and I know how much internet safety is highlighted from an early age, and absolutely cast as non-negotiable rules. Still, there's children who get into trouble using social media inappropriately, despite all of the teaching about it. Only you know your child.

From a personal point of view, I won't be allowing Dc3 to have social media until a) the age limit and b) I'm convinced that she will be using it appropriately and c) is mature enough to deal with the crap that comes with it. I strongly believe that dd1 suffered self esteem issues through comparison with other people via social media, she certainly suffered bullying and at one point spent a huge amount of time looking at other people via social media, and living her life through that, rather than getting out and about. It was definitely not the right thing for her, and I'm thankful that we realised in time and put a ban in place (and her results in school improved) before things got too entrenched. However dc2 used it with no problems.

Thank you all for your helpful comments, they really helped me to make a decision.
DS3 and I have talked and decided together that he can have SnapChat app initially on a trial basis. We set the following ground rules.
The app is on his phone but using my ITunes account, and he has given me his login and password (he did ask me not to post on his behalf or give the password to his older brothers - I agreed with this bit!). He is not allowed to use SnapChat at all whilst at school, can only add people he knows in real life as friends, and the guideline is, before posting anything ask himself what Granddad and favourite auntie would think about that post - he cares a great deal about their positive opinion of him.
Finally, he has been shown how to screenprint using his phone, and asked to screenprint any offensive or inappropriate post he receives so we can talk about it together, then delete and block the sender.
Interestingly, for each of his first two posts he came to show me what he was sending (both to friends who live in the same street as us - wonders of communication), and is keen to talk about the app and how he will keep himself safe.
I'll post an update in a couple of weeks and say how it's all going, but again thank you all very much. H xx

I've heard of an app called selfiecop or something similar which automatically forwards pictures you take onto mum/dad. Might be something to look into.