About the car seat?

[CarSeatConundrum]

MIL and SIL looked after DD (age 1) for us today. We didn't leave the car seat because they didn't think they'd be going anywhere in the car- they did have the pushchair so they could walk if they needed to go anywhere.

Anyway, they did decide to pop out in the car- so put DD in a high back booster with the car seatbelt around her. SIL says this one is suitable from 9kg up, but I'm pretty sure the only seats suitable from 9kg (ie stage 1) have their own harness of some sort and don't restrain the child using the car seatbelt. They reassured me that she looked fine in it as she's quite big for her age, and she was good and didn't fiddle with the seatbelt or anything.

I felt physically sick when I realised what they'd done and told them not to do that next time. I didn't want to make a fuss because they did do us a big favour and I know they wouldn't have done it on purpose- but still, to tell us that they weren't going in the car, change their mind, and put her in another child's car seat that's not even the right kind is a big deal, right?

I would be livid. Next time, insist on fitting your carseat into the car every time you leave dd. Or buy them a suitable one for permanent use.

I am a grandparent.
When my eldest DC were small carseats were just coming in, but you could still have children unrestrained in the car. When DC3 came along carseats were a legal requirement. This means I have experienced both eras.
My view when looking after the DGC is that looking after your own children you are careful, looking after someone else's you are doubly careful.
With this in view I bought carseats for our car which my DiL was happy with. We have one with a 5 point harness, a booster with a back and a booster and the DGCs have moved through the levels as they do with their own parents. It made more sense for us to have our own seats rather than keep swapping from one car to another.
With all this in mind I am not surprised you are upset.
As for driving slowly and carefully my view is that you are actually protecting the child from other idiots who might be on the road, and even when you are going slowly someone else can be driving without due care and attention.
I think you have got to try to forgive and forget this incident, but make your feelings clear for the future. They weren't deliberately neglectful, they just didn't think it through.

They may not have understood the implications of what they did at the time, but they need to understand what a big deal this is. Have you spoken to your DH about this? I'm not saying pass the buck, but if this is his family he may know the best way to speak to them about it. But if he won't or can't, then you should. I'd be very wary of leaving her with them again unless you've covered all the safety issues and know they will follow your wishes.

I'm in my 40s, and have occasionally had both sets of grandparents make comments about early weaning, how they travelled with us in carrycots (actually my parents had seatbelts way before it was the law, and apparently did have harnesses for us in the car), how getting new cot mattresses is overly fussy etc - but they have accepted that this is what current research tells us is the safest option.

tobysmum77 - age/height doesn't effect using a harness, it is purely based on weight. So long as your DD fitted in the car seat (wasn't too tall for it) then using the harness was still safer up to 18kg.