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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu to not want my Glamour Shot on display?

51 replies

BeachyKeen · 28/08/2014 06:24

First off, stop laughing, it was the 90's!Grin

back story: 20, 4 months pregnant with dc2, feeling fat and awkward all the time. As a surprise, for my birthday, DH took me to get a make over and a glamour shot photo session.
What I didn't know before I agreed to this is that you can't choose what you wear, or how you look or anything.

End result: 4 billion pictures of me posing in feather boas and leather jackets. There may have been a long blue satin scarf. My hair was very big, and I couldn't move my face. Dh was absolutely thrilled with the results, as was I.
Dorky, but I felt pretty.

the issue: 15 years on, he still insists on displaying one portrait. A big one (16x20 in) placed right in the stairwell, going up to our only bathroom. This means everyone sees it. At this point, he feels he has compromised enough. He likes the pictures, has agreed to let go of the rest, but still wants one to display.
I have tried to put it in the bedroom, so he could still see it, but no, he thinks it should go in the stairwell with the other family pictures. He said he is very proud of how I looked, and would hate not to be able to see it in future years. He doesn't want to forget it.

I disagree.

I feel it was a loving gesture at the time, and i loved it, at the time. That time has moved on, a full long 15 years. It needs to go. Its embarrassing. It makes me look like a show off, or someone fixated on their past. I am quite content with where I'm at, and my/our life should reflect that, in public at least.
When I went and took it down anyhow, he was hurt.
I could tell, even though he tried to hide it. And not in a PA way either. I felt like shit, and put it back.

On most days, I don't notice it at all. But when someone goes upstairs for the first time, I want to run along saying"Lights are on the right, don't look at the picture!"

I'm sorry that was so long, but I hate a drip feed.
So, aibu?

OP posts:
LuvDaMorso · 28/08/2014 12:33

I would take exceptional issue at he is very proud of how I looked Past tense. Nice.

Implies that he wants everyone to know that you used to be good looking, so they don't judge him for being with an ugly bird now? Because that is what your worth is based on. Fuck off mate.

I am not suggesting for a moment that you are ugly or worthless if you were but that's how that proud sentiment would make me feel.

thornrose · 28/08/2014 12:34

Oh I remember these, they had special studios set up didn't they.

I had a (perfectly normal) photo of my dd on display, she told me recently she has always hated it. Shock I took it down immediately. Your dh should do the same.

AWombWithoutARoof · 28/08/2014 12:36

I say get it blown up to twice the size and put it on the bedroom ceiling.

Or get his face photoshopped onto it.

Put your foot down OP, you can choose whether a photo of YOU is displayed in your house.

BigfootFiles · 28/08/2014 12:37

He's objectifying you - it's not that he likes the picture because it's of you, he likes the picture because he feels it reflects well on him being able to pull a "trophy". It also implies dis-satisfaction with the way you are now. Why is he living in the past? Is this a sign of a greater area of insecurity/self-esteem issue? You've offered him the compromise of having it in the bedroom, which meets his criteria of being able to see it - why is it important to him that other people see it too? Why does what visiting guests think of his wife's (former) appearance matter more than his wife being comfortable in her own home?

MsAstronaut · 28/08/2014 12:37

Or get his face photoshopped onto it.

That is GENIUS :o

Nanny0gg · 28/08/2014 12:40

It's your picture, you decide.

I'd also ask why he's so proud of you then and not now...

Nanny0gg · 28/08/2014 12:41

And I'd take it down and shred it.

BookABooSue · 28/08/2014 12:48

I have so many questions (probably none of which are relevant!) like are there other photos from 15 years ago on the wall? is it just a head and shoulders' shot? or something that wouldn't look out of place on an erotic novel cover? have your DCs not expressed an opinion?

RobinSparkles · 28/08/2014 13:26

These must have been the thing 15 years ago as me, my mum and sister had one done!

I was 15 and looked amazing (but nothing like my real self).

The picture of the three of us hung in the living room but now it's in my mums loft somewhere since she moved house.

I would be MORTIFIED if she dug it out and decided to put it on the wall again.

Yanbu

RobinSparkles · 28/08/2014 13:30

Btw, we weren't semi naked Shock, we had nice outfits on. My sister (quite a bit older than me) had a few individual shots with a feather boa but she didn't buy any of them.

CarbeDiem · 28/08/2014 14:01

Loving gesture or not. It's YOU in the photo so the choice should be YOURS who gets to see it.
I'd offer him one more chance to put it where he wants in the bedroom, if he still refused then it would go missing.

MackerelOfFact · 28/08/2014 14:11

"Implies that he wants everyone to know that you used to be good looking, so they don't judge him for being with an ugly bird now?"

THIS.

I couldn't figure out why it seemed so 'off' to me but LuvDaMorso has hit the nail on the head.

tittifilarious · 28/08/2014 15:30

Oh god oh god oh god oh god. I am CRINGING OP.

I would be exactly the same. Take it down. None of this "his house too" malarkey. If you don't want it up then that's your call, not his.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/08/2014 15:36

YANBU. It's a photo of you, it's your call about whether/where it's displayed. I think a new up to date family photo might be a good compromise.

RedToothBrush · 28/08/2014 15:37

Take it down. Hide it.

"He said he is very proud of how I looked, and would hate not to be able to see it in future years. He doesn't want to forget it."

Does he have a problem with the way you look now then? He should see the beauty in you as you are now, everyday.

whatever5 · 28/08/2014 15:48

I wouldn't be happy. He wants everyone to think that you used to be really good looking as he believes that they will think more highly of him as a consequence.

RhiWrites · 28/08/2014 16:16

How about getting a new picture of the two of you together to replace it?

combust22 · 28/08/2014 16:19

"How about getting a new picture of the two of you together to replace it?"

I am cringing just thinking about that.

AlpacaMyBags · 28/08/2014 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hakluyt · 28/08/2014 16:32

Bin it. Now.

lordnoobson · 28/08/2014 16:43

Is this it?

lordnoobson · 28/08/2014 16:44

christ alive at the parasol!!

squoosh · 28/08/2014 16:46

Nothing says 'sex' like surgical stockings and a parasol.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/08/2014 16:57

OMG that reminds me I once went for a job interview at one of those places! Duties were 'selling prints and doing make-up' Grin - I ran (like the wind was in my parasol).

BeachyKeen · 28/08/2014 17:23

Holy shit! Well, glad to know ainbu Grin
A few things

  1. I have taken down the pic. He is at sea right now, when he comes home, he will find it has been replaced with a different picture, and old family portrait.
  2. It was not boudoir, it was just a head and shoulders shot, and you can't tell I have a boa, you just see a bit of white feathers at the bottom of he shot. Mostly, is just my face and hair. 3)the stairwell has loads of different pictures, some group shots, some portraits 4)he thinks I'm hot now, I have no worries thereGrin It is just a case where he feels this particular shot is amazing. It is a good photo, just old, dated and awkward. (and now gone)
  3. He is the least pa person I know. He has been the kind of man and husband that makes me feel loved, cared for and respected. Which is why this one little thing was so out of character for him.
  4. If he raises a fuss, which I doubt,I will offer to go do a nice set of pictures appropriate for here and now, and that will have us in it together. Maybe down at the shore or something nice like that. 7)If he is sad, he will get over it

In all my years on MN, I have never posted an aibu where everyone said I wasn't. I'm in shockGrin

OP posts: