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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH night out

39 replies

Fall78 · 27/08/2014 22:50

I started back to work this week after maternity leave (baby is only 15weeks old but couldn't afford not to go back). OH works shifts so a lot of the time he isn't here for evening routine ie getting baby ready for bed. This week I have found it tough juggling work and baby in the evenings I do the washing tidy the house up get baby ready for bed and get him settled it's about 10pm before I actually sit down and relax a bit. Now because of OH work he isnt here to help much. Today and tomorrow are his days off this week he had baby today for four hours got on like he should be made a saint (my mum took him in the afternoon). So this evening I came home he's cooked dinner (fab) then he told me he's going out tomorrow for dinner and cinema with two single guys from his work. I am so pissed off he doesn't hve many evenings off where he can help me and when he does he plans to go out with the people he'll spend all weekend with. I told him he isn't single with no responsibilities like the other two and he needs to help me more. But he is saying I'm being unreasonable and he deserves an evening free

OP posts:

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla · 28/08/2014 13:48

I get where you're coming from. DP seems to be able to go out every week and get blind pissed because his mates get crates. I told him I am here and I exist and he says "yeah but its lads night, we're off on holiday next week" blah blah blah, its every week and I don't get to do it. we don't have DC yet but I'd be exactly the same as you.

however · 28/08/2014 13:48

Of course you're not being unreasonable! You have a tiny baby! It's a big ask to be expecting nights out while you're both working as well as being new parents at this early stage.

CarbeDiem · 28/08/2014 13:54

I don't get the tit-for-tat too. Apart from the fact I find it childish, life and more often finances just don't allow it.

Yanbu OP.

grocklebox · 28/08/2014 13:58

its a sensible answer because half the time the complaint is:himself goes out but i never do. So go out then.
But often its actually more like, I don't want to go out but I don't want him to either, I want us both glued to the baby ALL THE TIME. In which case: grow up.

rainbowinmyroom · 28/08/2014 14:50

She does the tidying, washing and bedtime routine in the evenings. She would like him to pull his weight with that when he is not at work, same as she does, not swan off every time. I fail to see what is u reasonable about that. Family, and the work it generates, comes before socialising and going out when you have young children and you both work.

tittifilarious · 28/08/2014 14:55

PhaedraIsMyName
I don't think you are being unreasonable and generally I'm usually quite unsympathetic to posters complaining about their partners going out.

Agree.

PiperRose · 28/08/2014 15:19

The fact that you needed to point out that his friends are single leads me to think there's a bit more to this.

Nanny0gg · 28/08/2014 16:42

But often its actually more like, I don't want to go out but I don't want him to either, I want us both glued to the baby ALL THE TIME. In which case: grow up.

Or, I chose to have a family with you because I actually want to spend time with you and as a family.
If I'd wanted the single life I'd not have go pregnant. What was your reason?

grocklebox · 28/08/2014 18:22

yeah because seeing friends occasionally is exactly the same as living the single life and means you hate your family.

Exaggerate much?

wobblyweebles · 28/08/2014 20:09

YANBU.

Nanny0gg · 28/08/2014 21:50

yeah because seeing friends occasionally is exactly the same as living the single life and means you hate your family.

Yes, because that's exactly what was said.

Original poster

Fall78 · 28/08/2014 23:14

Sorry just getting back on

Thanks for all the replies I did sit him down and had a chat. I think a few posters might of got confused with my point. It wasn't that I expect him to be at my beck and call and to not socialise anymore because we are parents. It was that I thought it was a bad night to go out seeing as it was the only night this week he could help me with the baby because of his shifts and with me going back to work on Monday (full time too 40hours) I needed the help.

Anyway we spoke and at first he didn't get it. Then when I told him to put himself in my shoes and I was swanning off out on my only night off how would he feel and about an hour later he came in and told me he got it. Cancelled the night out and has been a gem all night. IMO I think quality time with your family is more important than quality time with your friends and should come first

OP posts:

grocklebox · 29/08/2014 08:35

making a point dear,do try to read all relevant posts before making asinine irrelevant comments.

Nanny0gg · 29/08/2014 09:05

Glad he's seeing your POV Fall78. Hope that continues!

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