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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that perhaps the iPad should be put away...

16 replies

MrsSlave · 27/08/2014 20:35

When my nephew (2) comes to visit?

When he comes over, which is often, all he wants to do the whole time he is here is play on the iPad. We have noticed this since coming to visit our family for a holiday break. We stay with my MIL as we live 3 hours away (military family) and it is her iPad.

As soon as my nephew walks in he will sit for 95% of the time on the iPad. He refuses to eat his breakfast and lunch without the iPad (which I find appalling) and will scream the house down if it is taken away from him or it runs out of charge.

It sounds like he is quite dependent on tablets at home as his parents bought him his very own, which he will go to bed with and play with until he falls asleep or will coach him back to sleep if he wakes in the middle of the night. Apparently, that is most nights.

I feel sorry for my DS (6) as he genuinely wants to spend time with his cousin, playing etc.

I watched my nephew for an hour earlier as my SIL had to pop out. I hid the iPad, maybe I am awful, but I frankly don't care!! He sat and moaned for 10 minutes but then happily went and played with DS which was a very rare and lovely sight.

I suggested to my MIL later on that perhaps when my nephew (her grandson) comes over again, we put the iPads away. She looked shocked and worried.

I am sorry, but is that really such an UR thing to suggest?

OP posts:

PigeonPie · 27/08/2014 20:38

Not UR at all. Whilst I allow my DSs a little iPad time occasionally, I too hide them sometimes, especially when their cousins and friends come over.

catgirl1976 · 27/08/2014 20:38

YANBU

The fact he won't eat without it and screams if it is taken away is awful

DS is 2.5. He sometimes plays on DHs Ipad.

He also sometimes screams when it is taken away. We ignore him.

SocialMediaAddict · 27/08/2014 20:38

I've completely banned screens. On our second week. Mainly because my 9 year old twins have forgotten to play.

First week was tough. This week they haven't asked for it and have been back on the trampoline, built a Lego army base and seem a lot happier.

So yes ban the iPad when you have guests.

So yes,

Original poster

MrsSlave · 27/08/2014 20:39

**until he falls to sleep.

OP posts:

cansu · 27/08/2014 20:41

I think it kind of depends why you are so outraged. Surely it is for your MIL to raise if she is bothered by it?

SocialMediaAddict · 27/08/2014 20:41

Blimey he's 2 and addicted to the iPad. Dread to think what will happen when he's old enough for social media!

Original poster

MrsSlave · 27/08/2014 20:45

Cansu, it is ultimately up to my MIL as it is her tablet. I believe I have the right to put forward the suggestion though because surely this isn't healthy?

OP posts:

lomega · 27/08/2014 20:49

I am glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I have a friend whose 8 yo son will not stop yelling and carrying on until he has a screen in front of him, but then will carry on yelling if he gets stuck and needs help if you give in to him. Really annoying and unsociable.

In your case I'd say as it's MIL's iPad it's up to her. I'd also perhaps mention tactfully to your SIL how nice it was to see your two kids playing together properly without a tablet in sight.

QueenAnneofAustriaSpain · 27/08/2014 20:50

My DS went through a phase like this. Tbh I let him get on with it and he eventually got bored and now can't be bothered with it. We lost it for about 6 months and he never asked. For the 2/3 months that he was obsessed he would scream the place down for way longer than 10 mins. He is 3 by the way and he didn't sleep with it or anything like that - that is pretty shocking.

Original poster

MrsSlave · 27/08/2014 20:54

Lomega, I did tactfully pop that into our conversation when she came to collect my nephew...

" and have been laughing and playing so lovely this morning as the iPad was out of sight. DS and DN had a blast."

OP posts:

Sootgremlin · 27/08/2014 20:57

It didn't come across to be as though you were outraged, merely concerned about the impact it was having on the family and particularly your child when they are together.

I think if screen time is taking over what should be a more social occasion then anyone bothered by it can say something, it would be rude if an adult spent all their time on a gadget during a visit, think it's fine for a two year old to start being gently taught this, regardless of whether you think it's right or wrong that he has so much access to.

My 2 year old used to scream when I took the ipad away after short sessions on it, so I decided that it was bringing him more unhappiness than joy and decided on that basis if he was too young to give it back nicely when his time was up, then he was too young full stop.

georgieporgie1 · 27/08/2014 21:18

YANBU to suggest that iPads are put away on visits.

However, YABVU to wait until your SIL leaves the house before behind her back taking away something her 2 year old has obviously found comfort in. If he needs weaning off it, it should be done gradually, and it's up to the parent, not you. She trusted you. He is her child, not yours.

WorraLiberty · 27/08/2014 21:24

I agree with georgie

Whilst it's obviously not ideal that a 2yr old is so dependent on this gadget, it's not for your to 'take charge' of the situation at all.

parallax80 · 27/08/2014 21:36

This

parallax80 · 27/08/2014 21:37

But also, this If he needs weaning off it, it should be done gradually, and it's up to the parent, not you

Original poster

MrsSlave · 27/08/2014 21:45

I absolutely didn't 'take' it away. The moment he walked into the house he had asked for the iPad. I popped the iPad before he had arrived into the drawer. His mum and my MIL had been here for the first 10 minutes of dropping him off. He'd moaned about having the iPad as it wasn't in sight as it usually is. I had told my SIL and MIL that the iPad was in the drawer, therefore, if they'd have given the iPad to him then that was rightfully their choice. I wasn't going to go out of my way to fetch the iPad though. I wasn't given strict instructions by my SIL to give into his demands for the iPad, therefore don't believe I was crossing any boundaries. They knew where it was before they left and could have given it to him.

OP posts:

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