To not want people visiting all the time ....

[dollydaydream27]

Basic background ... I have one month old ds minE and dp first baby. Had lots of visitors in first few weeks which has invariably died down. However prior to having ds we used to go to dp's Nans one night a week for dinner and mothers of a Sunday not getting home until 2100 . Dp wanted to keep this up taking ds with us . However I have had to fight my corner so we can get home earlier . As between 1800-2100 ds wants to feed and is generally quite niggly therefore making these trips out increasingly unenjoyable! Dp informed me today that his father would be visiting tonight and his mother tomorrow . I am just finding it a bit too much . But feel I am being unreasonable . This had happened every weeks once he was born Dp has told me today that they want to see him once of a weekend and once in the week . They don't speak to each other and therefore have to come on different nights . I just feel like I need some space I want to relax in pjs of an evening and get ds sorted without us visiting people and people being here . I feel terrible for feeling like this . His brother was here last night also .Dp says I get to see my parents whenever I want as I am on maternity leave . Just want some opinions as whenever I try to talk to him about it he is very defensive .

yanbu you need some down time!

Just stay in your pjs and don't run around after them, if your DP wants them there he can do the hosting.

If he is willing to see to them while they're there then I think he has a point.

You are not being at all unreasonable, and your DP is being very unreasonable!! Visitors do not get to dictate when they visit. You have just had a baby, it is entirely up to you when you choose to INVITE visitors, when you are good and ready and feeling up to it (likewise with visiting)!! You are exhausted and feeling fragile - your DP should be supporting you a bit more.

That's a good idea, Ladyluck. So, DollyDayDream - you and your baby go into your bedroom to relax and possibly have a nap together, in your PJs, and let your DP sort out visitors and entertainment for them all.

Even having visitors, when you are tired, is exhausting, even if you are not making the tea and coffee. You still have to make boring small talk when all you want to do really is perhaps fall asleep or watch a bit of silly telly.

Depends what your DP is like when they are there.

My ExH was an arse, pressuring me to stop feeding, or even sleeping (I was exhausted) on occasion to attend to his parents. It was hideous and I wish I had dealt with it more assertively.

On the other hand if he takes care of their visits and leaves you to relax, that's a bit different (although if you are bf I would struggle to see how that can happen so I would still want less intrusion than that timetable tbh).

Oh no, I feel for you. I have a feeling the visits might naturally die down though after a while.

I found entertaining people after the baby very draining. Maybe I am antisocial but what I felt was that they didn't visit when I didn't have the baby so why now?

This happened to us a lot at the start (but not to that degree) definitely take yourself off to bed with the baby. Leave dh make tea etc.

See how that goes. Have you a TV in your bedroom?

I feel your pain OP, my DS is 2 weeks old and I'm sick of people visiting, I just want to be left alone to cuddle my baby and eat biscuits
I'm finding it hard to put people off from visiting and also struggling to politely put it it to my friends without kids (and haven't experienced this before) that if they want to visit, it's an hour max before I'll try and shove them out of the door!