To feel completely overwhelmed?

[Mara2001]

I am mum to a 14 month old and I feel guilty for feeling so overwhelmed a lot of the time. I was made redundant from a job in a competitive industry which involved a lot of travel, so I am trying to retrain (by correspondence course) into a completely different area of work. The problem is, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to move forwards. We can't afford nursery while I am not working, so I have my LO full time and by the end of the day, I only manage to study for a couple of hours by the time I have done everything which needs to be done. Since having my LO, I've not had a day off, only a couple of hours here and there with friends and most of my friends don't have kids and the ones which do have full time child care and/or nannies, so I don't feel like I can talk to them about how I feel. My husband is supportive, but he gets impatient with me when I feel overwhelmed and he can't 'fix' it. I know I am lucky in many ways and don't want to sound like I am moaning, but I don't know if I am being unreasonable to feel so trapped and frustrated.

You poor thing, sounds really hard. I am totally exhausted at the end if each day (dd 2.5) so really don't know how you manage to get any studying done at the end of the day. Once my dd is in bed, dinner done and house sorted I collapse on the sofa.

Really don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted to say that I think it's totally reasonable to feel how you are feeling. Is your dh able to take the little one out for a few hours each weekend? Just so you can have some time to yourself, sleep, relax, read a book. You need to be selfish sometimes and take care of you. Or maybe you could suggest to friends that do have children that you have theirs for one day and they return the favour so you get a bit of a break?

YANBU for feeling that way - it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself at the moment as well as the pressure of everyday stuff such as child care etc. Is your husband around in the evening? Can you hand over to him to do the chores while you get on with work?
Would you feel better if you gave yourself a bit of 'time off' from expecting to do too much with your studies and just managed to get small chunks done whenever you have a moment? 14 months is a tricky age - they are old enough to appear independent but have NO common sense and can get themselves into trouble in a heartbeat.
I work for myself, so fit stuff in around my son and some of the things I have found that help are:

1. Leaving stuff for my husband to do when he is here - a dishwasher can be loaded at any time of the day, whereas a child needs care full time. If your husband is supportive but frustrated, then this is a prime example of how he can do something practical to help you feel more in control. Housework batch cooking, devising games to play etc can all help give you a bit of time back.
2. A play pen - a safe space where I knew my son would be ok so that I could do something without keeping an eye on him every second
3. Not feeling guilty about letting him watch TV every so often (might not work on yours yet, but could help).
4. Our local soft play has wifi - I can take him there and let him chunter around while I get stuff done. He's happy, I can keep an eye on him but also achieve things work-wise (nb this does NOT work in the school holidays as soft play becomes a veritable danger zone for all but the hardiest babies).
5. Time swap with someone in a similar position - one morning/afternoon a week you have both babies, then another you swap. Might not work with your current mum friends if they have child care, but you might find someone who would appreciate such an arrangement at a play group or similar.
6. Nap time - I used to get loads done during nap time (unfortunately my son is phasing out his useful naps, but we still have quiet time which is almost as good) and gave myself permission to only work and ignore the breakfast dishes etc.
7. Planned activities - stuff like play doh, sensory bins etc can all be set up near where you want to work and allow you to multi task. A plastic box full of dried pasta and hidden toys can actually entertain a child for a surprisingly long time and there are LOADS of ideas out there on (please excuse the cringe-inducing term) 'mummy blogs'. There are parents who are putting more thought into a single activity than I can muster for a whole week sometimes, so take advantage of their enthusiasm, nick their ideas and keep your child occupied with something that they will love too. I particularly like a bucket of water with some cars frozen into ice blocks (just in tuppeware in the freezer - takes a minute to prepare the night before). This site is good: theimaginationtree.com/ as is this one www.funathomewithkids.com/

Hope that helps, and if not then just remember that this phase will be over soon. Your child will grow and be able to entertain themselves for longer periods and with less supervision, and you will get everything done that needs to be. Good luck!

Great advice there. YANBU in the slightest!

Thanks DoJo and Peagle for your advice. I really appreciate your suggestions. I finally spoke to my dh about how I feel and he has agreed to adjust his working hours and help out around the house a bit more. It's a good start and it feels like a weight lifted.

I struggle and I'm not even studying anything. I happily collapse in front of the tv when kids are in bed, eat ice cream and leave the kitchen a mess