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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think peoples birthdays are a good time to audit their interaction with me on FB?

35 replies

MammaTJ · 25/08/2014 22:37

I need to reduce the 800 + 'friends' I have but do not necessarily know easily who I keep in touch with and who I do not.

I look at people when it is their birthday and delete them then if we have had no interaction between birthdays.

Is this wrong? Some friends (real life ones) seem to keep adding and adding but I cannot manage over 800.

OP posts:
BackspaceEnter · 25/08/2014 22:41

800!! Bloody hell, I have 47.

I go on 'Would I like to meet up for a coffee and chat?' If the answer is no then don't have them on your friends.

Wow @ 800!

MerryBuddha · 25/08/2014 22:45

I have a regular cull.

But love your idea. Think I will adopt this.

ChelsyHandy · 25/08/2014 22:46

YANBU to "audit" people on FB.

What happens if you don't "manage" your FB friends?

picnicbasketcase · 25/08/2014 22:50

I did the same sort of thing but in a more selfish way. I deleted people who never interacted and didn't even bother to say happy birthday to me. Smile

hormonalandneedingcheese · 25/08/2014 22:53

Why don't you just do what you are meant to when hoarding clothes? If you haven't spoken to or communicated with in over a year- get rid.

Original poster
MammaTJ · 25/08/2014 22:58

It's my own birthday next week, an even more effective cull tool! Wink

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 25/08/2014 23:00

I just hide everyone whose posts irritate me. So, everyone.

WaveorCheer · 25/08/2014 23:00

'Audit', 'cull' eugh.

chesterberry · 25/08/2014 23:08

800 friends? Wow! As a general rule I try not to go over 100, if I have over 100 friends and get a friend request I take the 'one out one in' approach. I'm not a huge facebook user and don't post much but I don't want to feel I have to censor the things I do put on there too much so try to only have people I genuinely get on with and who I meet up with.

In the past I have used a birthday test of my own. I changed the date of birth facebook had down for me to a date at the opposite time of the year (eg: changed from winter birthday to summer one). Everybody who wished me a happy birthday on the completely wrong date I deleted.

Original poster
MammaTJ · 25/08/2014 23:36

'Audit', 'cull' eugh. not quite sure what you mean by that!

I do hide posts, I do hide groups. I am well used to hiding things I do not like. I interact with my friends a lot. I interact with others. If they do not interact with me, I will delete.

OP posts:
Suefla62 · 25/08/2014 23:45

You know facebook isn't real right? If you're not (or wouldn't be) friends in real life why on earth are you friends on the internet. It's not a popularity contest you know.

Original poster
MammaTJ · 25/08/2014 23:50

Um, a lot of it is real though, or truly overlaps in to real life. A lot of my FB friends are RL friends. That is actually the whole point. But a few are gaming friends of games I no longer play. This is my way of weeding them out.

OP posts:
SaltySeaBird · 26/08/2014 00:01

Wow 800 ... I've got far less, I don't really go out if my way to add people and I don't automatically accept new requests. I periodically have a clean out.

My thoughts are ... If I bumped into them would we say hello to each other? Do I spend them Christmas / birthday cards? Would I invite them to a wedding or special occasion? Would they invite me? Are they related to me? Have we at some point been really close friends? Would I be happy to see or meet up with them? Do they post interesting, inoffensive content? Do we interact?

If yes to several of the above then we're Facebook friends. If not then there is no point in being friends as we're not. My sister calls it Falsebook for good reason.

I'd be amazed and delighted to have 800 people that fell into those criteria, I'm lucky to have about 100.

softlysoftly · 26/08/2014 00:10

Who has the time seriously? Setting up false birthday tests Confused

Have we lost all understanding of what a friend actually is?

LoxleyBarrett · 26/08/2014 00:58

Nobody has 800 friends - why on earth do you allow access to personal information to hundreds of people you don't actually know?

whois · 26/08/2014 08:35

I don't have anything as strict as 'no chat for a year = cull' as some people on there are people who I wouldn't maybe want to meet for dinner, but I am interested in how their lives are going. So don't care that they went to the gym today but do care that they are pg or whatever.

whois · 26/08/2014 08:36

In the past I have used a birthday test of my own. I changed the date of birth facebook had down for me to a date at the opposite time of the year (eg: changed from winter birthday to summer one). Everybody who wished me a happy birthday on the completely wrong date I deleted.

OMG. You have far too much time on your hands.

Fairylea · 26/08/2014 08:38

I have 28 friends Grin

At one time I had 400. I was ruthless and deleted everyone I would avoid in the street. ... !

LadyLuck10 · 26/08/2014 08:41

Chesterberry sorry but that seems so pathetic and sad.

Tangoandcreditcards · 26/08/2014 08:45

Have a v similar policy, once a year (over Xmas normally). I delete anyone I haven't interacts with at all (online or off) in the prior year. So I wholeheartedly agree with your policy. YANBU

JennyOnTheBlocks · 26/08/2014 08:50

I use the 'would I like to meet that person for coffee' rule too, and still have 250 names on my list

MamaTJ, I'd meet you Wink

Mrsjayy · 26/08/2014 08:58

800 friends I dont know 800 people in real life or online how did you manage to aquire 800 face book friends, you only see the news feed of a certain amount just delete people

Ilovexmastime · 26/08/2014 09:00

Oh shit! Apparently Facebook isn't real, which means that all the days out that I've arranged for this week via it aren't real either then, surely?
Op, YANBU.

WeeClype · 26/08/2014 09:02

I don't even know 800 people!

My FB is sitting at 70ish friends but these are people that would say "hi", I deleted a whole load of people a while ago.....school friends, people that would walk by me in the street etc.

moominmarvellous · 26/08/2014 09:10

It's up to you if and how you delete people.

800 friends seems a lot to me, but then I'm not into online gaming etc so I don't know how it happens.

I have less than 200 friends and I use FB quite often and I like stuff/comment etc when friends put up something nice or interesting.

I reduce my friends list as and when I notice that either the people don't actually use Facebook - so they don't post pics, statuses or articles or if we don't interact with each other in any way. I dont want toes e my information and life open to someone who doesn't communicate with me.

The thing is FB relationships have taken on a language and code of conduct outside of real life relationships whether people like it or not. So if you notice this relationship isn't working anymore and neither side is making an effort then naturally the relationship comes to an end.