Calling social workers for older adults/those working with older adults

[monkeytree]

Probably wrong forum but one of the most used. I am currently suffering from depression and have just left my job as referral taker for older adults within social services. Lots of things have contributed to depression including having just turned 40. I seem fixated on growing old - probably alone as dh is 15 years older than me. I am worrying a lot partially fuelled by my experience of listening to the cruel afflictions old age can bring and also the loneliness that can be experienced through bereavement, ill health etc. Already trying to bribe eldest dd who is only 8 to have me live with her in my old age ( in a granny flat) as could potentially have resources to do this. I know this is wrong but scared of being alone note enivitable but likely outcome. Don't want to be a burden to my two dd's but can see this happening as I have always battled with anxiety and depression throughout my life and can't see it changing.

As anyone else working with older people been affected in this way? If so have you come up with any strategies for dealing with it. Does. Anyone have positive stories of older people actually having fulfilling lives in older age despite being bereaved etc. never thought my job impacted me but can't get some of the sad stories out of my head.

I cant help directly but my mum had to leave her job as a social worker as so many 'stories' stuck in her head and got her incredibly depressed (she worked with children) she has changed career and now works with young adults with learning diffs and is much much happier

You saw a very skewed sample of older people - just the people needing help. I bet you didn't see the many hundreds of thousands who are spending their time taking advantage of lots of cheap term-time holidays, who are looking after grandchildren, doing voluntary work and have lots of hobbies and an active social life.

In any case 40 is still very young.

What egghead said.
You've seen things from one perspective.
I know loads of older folk (widowed) who live very full, busy, rewarding, happy and fulfilling lives.
Why not plan to become involved in things now, whilst you are young - anything to do with a hobby or interest, where you widen the circle of people you mix with, and come to care about. Don't guilt trip your dd.

I think the view you gave of old age is as a previous poster said very skewed.

My work is around dementia but I am regularly in contact with older people who play useful and active roles as part of society (both with and without dementia).

I think one of the best ways to combat loneliness as an older person is being an active part of the community throughout your life. There are so many opportunities.

I also think that if you are not already receiving help on your depression talking to someone about your fear of getting old, and even better getting out and working with older people in positive situation would be really helpful to you. To put it into perspective if you are nearly 40 now you could be fit healthy and independent easily into your 80's ( my FIL and Mil travel, cruise canoe! Etc she is 70(mumble ) and he us 83ish. That's another life's worth of living you don't want to waste with worry about something that nay never happen.

I'm a SW for older adults and I do find certain elements of the job very difficult to not take home. I feel desperately sad when service users are really alone in the world and this perpetuates my deep fear that I will never meet anyone, have children and will end up alone.

In my personal life, I see many examples of older adults thriving and living wonderful lives. If you work for social services, you won't see these people though because they tend not to need to access support, so your 'view' of older people is probably skewed.

I also think my job has given me tips and advice for managing when I'm older, so it's an advantage in that aspect e.g. ensuring I appoint an LPA for both welfare and finance etc.

I've worked in elderly care almost my entire adult life and it does make me worry about the future. I think about illness, disability and death a great deal and worry constantly about being widowed as I have no friends (my choice) and two sons who'll probably move away from this area or even the country once they're adults.

I find myself making plans on how to get to Dignitas many a time. I keep hoping they'll legalise assisted suicide in the UK so I can just jump ship once I'm on my own. The thoughts of having to travel abroad to do it is horrible and lonely.

I don't know how to shift this mindset, so you have my sympathies and understanding.

Perhaps CBT might help you.

hidden home sorry to hear you are struggling with this too. I don't know what separates us from others who grow older and are able to put a positive spin on things despite illness or bereavement. I know I wish I had more friends/better support system. Dignitas has entered my mind too but like you it all seems so sad to contemplate.

I do think that working with the elderly who need help is a very biased way of seeing things. You get to see them at the worst they can be. They are often much better.

Maybe get a part time job in a small local supermarket, preferably one with a Post Office attached. You will get to see them at their best, most able and most feisty.

Set in place the medical advocate and the financial advocate well in advance of when you would need them, just in case and make sure they are different people.

Otherwise, relax and enjoy your life, otherwise you are really dead before your time, if all you do is worry about worst case scenario!