To think my now ex friend is out of order for behaving like this?

[MidnightButterfly81]

Hi... This is my first post but have been lurking on here for a while.

I will try to keep it short and to the point. Five years ago I met a girl at work and we quickly became close friends, got on really well, spent a lot of time together. She moved a year ago a while away from me, new job and I felt we drifted a bit but thought it was inevitable tbh.

In April my Mum died suddenly, she had the all clear from breast cancer in October but started having headaches/sickness in March, some cancer cells had travelled to the brain before she had had the lump removed and laid dormant for the 5 months she was in hospital for 6 days before dying and it has been hell, the worst time of my life.Life has been a blur and I have been struggling a lot.

My friend has only visited me once in all this time I was really upset by her lack of communication when my other friends have really rallied round me. So I did something very immature and deleted her from fb. She text me yesterday to ask why I had done this and I explained I felt hurt by her lack of support. She said to me she didn't know what to say and that she had text me and said anytime I need her to call etc I said I hadn't felt like I could reach out. She said that I hadn't been there for her the last few weeks, she had been in hospital ( I saw it on fb and asked if she was ok) she said a real friend whatever their problems should be there and she is sorry my mum died but there is nothing anyone can do!!
I said we have been friends for 5 years and would be crazy to throw it away but she says no that's it now and she wishes me all the best .
I am so upset and can't believe she has walked away from me at a time like this. I know it was childish to delete from fb and i apologised for doing that. I know I am not a perfect friend,

I don't think one night in hospital with a minor ailment compares with the sudden loss of a parent. Instead of apologising or admitting any failing she has turned this around and made it your fault so I don't think she is a good friend anyway.

I suspect you have just drifted apart and it would be hard to go back now.

Agree with SaucyJack that nobody understands that kind of bereavement until thy have gone through it though. After my Dad died one of my friends was very caring and I apologised to her as I realised I had not understood at all when she had gone through the same thing some years earlier

I can see both sides, having been in a similar situation some years ago. In a nutshell, my good friend had a miscarriage in the midst of my beloved Grandma dying and me travelling home to the other end of the country for the funeral. This was all before mobile phones and Facebook so I didn't know exactly what was going on until afterwards - I think my friend left a message on my home number but I wasn't there to pick it up until a few days later when I got back home.

Friend got upset with me for not being there for her. I see both sides of it now, TBH, but at the time, wrapped up in my own grief, I would happily have let the friendship go. As it was, we kept our distance for a bit and then both moved on. I wouldn't say we are now as close as we were then but we are still good friends.

Perhaps a written note with an explanation might salvage this?

One of the best or worst things about Facebook is that you can go for months without actually speaking to a friend without realising, especially if they are a frequent poster and like to share alot on there. Great if that suits you both fine, but not so great if someone is feeling a bit low and need you, but haven't reached out to you. Because of fb people feel 'present' in your life when they are not, and by being 'present' but not 'there' for you in the way that you wanted/needed, you are reading something into her absence that isn't really there.