To think that if DH unilaterally sends the 6 and 3 yo kids to bed early, he should actually put them to bed

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

DC2 and 3 playing indoors after tea, slightly raucously but within reasonable bounds (bit loud, but all friendly), DC3 (age 3) throws a teddy (possibly accidentally lets go, possibly on purpose) and crawls under coffee table, behind sofa, to retrieve it, clanging the side cover off the radiator (which is off, and the cover does come off if loose, no actual damage done, but annoying loud noise, slight shock, need to reach awkwardly about behind heavy sofa to re-attach it). DH shouts at all the kids that it's enough, they are too wild "go to bed - go!"

I wouldn't have sent them to bed in this case, not really questioning his right to make the decision, though I think it was a bit harsh and more about his P&Q than the kids behaviour being unreasonable...

However AIBU to think that once he has made the unilateral decision and banished them to bed he should follow through and "do bedtime" immediately (tooth brushing, washing, PJs, story, make sure they are in bed, tucked in) not issue the order and remain sitting on the sofa pretending the kids are not upstairs, wide awake, not in bed, still dressed undoubtedly and continuing the same game... They are 8, 6 and 3 - they are not going to put themselves to bed... I would have done bedtime, but later, just sat down.

Yanbu. I would still do it later though, don't get up just because he can't be arsed!

Yanbu he sent them to bed he should be the one to make sure they go

YANBU - he should have followed through and actually done bedtime.

Yanbu he should do it

YANBU. My DH does it too; tells the kids that they have to go to bed and then waltzes off downstairs to watch tv.

YANBU.

If I was you I'd leave well alone until the time you deem reasonable as bedtime - if he's going to make unilateral changes to routine then it's his responsibility to follow through. If he doesn't, either he CBA or he's rather regretting his hasty pronouncement - sounds like a harsh punishment for an accidental noise by a 3yo - had they been asked to tone it down? Perhaps (not tonight) you need to agree on such things - eg issue warning with the consequence for not complying explained (calm down or you'll all be going to bed early) and then if they persist follow through on the consequence (so never threaten anything you won't follow through)

not unreasonable at all.

I would do nothing, until their normal bedtime, then I'd just do the usual routine.

If he wishes to follow through on his instruction before then, he is of course free to do so.

If he chooses to remain on the sofa, you can only conclude that he isn't actually bothered about them going to bed and he probably only wanted them to go to their bedroom.

YANBU at all.

I don't understand the early bedtime idea as a punishment though. Doesn't that just teach that going to bed is negative?

I agree that warnings need to be given before a punishment. An accident surely doesn't count as punishable though? It just makes the parent seem unpredictable which is stressful for a child.

I know you didn't ask that, just thought I'd add my piece

YANBU but have you spoken to him about what his next move is?

I mean, if it were me, I'd have said, well you've sent them to bed aren't you going to go and put them to bed now? And see what he said to that.

Are you just sort of waiting to see what happens?

Hell yes he should be making sure! His threat, his punishment edict, his to carry out. Otherwise it's all a bit pointless, isn't it? And they'll know in future that they can just ignore what he says.

YANBU. He is though.

Thanks for the confirmation of non U expectation . You are right though Seven I was just waiting to see what would happen. That was possibly a bit U of me... It is not the first time he's do e this, though it also doesn't happen all that often. Do need to talk about it I suppose, sigh...

The kids and I had just set up a marbles in a jar carrot / stick system after the worst behaved supermarket trip ever this afternoon, and they are quite invested in it and helped cook, set table and clear, so being randomly sent to bed was extra inconsistent (we explained the marble plan to DH just before tea).

Luckily the DC are in bothered, DC2 had built DC3 a drum set out of washing baskets and toy boxes and they were drumming happily when I finally went up and put them to bed at 8 (we are an hour ahead of UK) :o

As I am not U will have conversation with DH... Hmmm

YANBU, he should carry through any threat he makes instead of being a lazy sod!

• sorry, odd phone typos - just realised I have invited "YABU to leg your kids drum" comments - drumming was in DC2's room over garage, nearest "neighbor. is a playground...

I would've made him put them to bed for sure, whether after the threat or if not followed through on, later on!

yadnbu my husband does this and other punishments and im the one who has to act like a bad guy and put them to bed etc he sits on his ass and watches you tube if i ignore the go to bed command he looks at the clock demands why they are not in bed early! umm dear because you didnt do bedtime?

DH says he doesn't expect me to put them to bed when he sends them, but that they will put themselves to bed eventually... Not convinced. Have agreed it makes more sense if he sends them to their rooms in that case, rather than ordering them to bed, if he isn't going to enforce the bed part... wonder if he will remember...

Oh god dh does this . Sends to naughty step and just leaves them there, issues commands that don't happen. We have an eleven year old that treats him with contempt and checks with me. Bed. Own. Made it you did.

Not sure about sending kids to bed as a punsihment- I have always made sure bed iand sleep is peaceful and happy, not a punishment.

But then I don't punish anyway.

I would ignore your OH on this one.

DH says he doesn't expect me to put them to bed when he sends them, but that they will put themselves to bed eventually... Not convinced.

No neither am I. That's just half arsed parenting imo. He's losing his temper and saying things on the spur of the moment he can't be bothered to follow through on, then pretty much leaving you to pick up his slack!
They'll put themselves to bed eventually. What sort of rubbish is that?

YANBU but I've been guilty of half arsed parenting many a time.

I can be a bit half arse at times but if he generally doesn't do bedtime then he is completely being unreasonable to issue a decree that doesn't affect him having to do anything!