To feel uncomfortable about exH's new girlfriend?

[extremepie]

ExH and I broke up last year and since feb he has been in a new relationship with a woman with 2 daughters, who he also lives with.

Our boys have gone to visit him and will be staying in the house with her and her daughters so I thought it would make sense to make contact with his new gf since they will be staying with her and I've never met her so we made contact through Facebook.

She often messages me 'from ex' as in (ex) says....or (ex) wants you to know.... and so far every message I've had from her has been very frosty in tone :/ I know that we're probably not going to end up best friends but I would like us to be amicable and it bothers me that she's 'off' with me.

Aibu and over sensitive? Should I just accept that she will probably always be like that with me as I'm the ex wife or should I try and sort it?

Maybe I've read this wrong but it does seem like a bit of a mixed-message from you... you've added her on facebook and want to get to know her but don't feel that she should be messaging you? A message letting you know boys are there safely sounds considerate enough - maybe ex was driving or maybe she's always got facebook open on her phone so it was the quickest way to let you know?

So what should I do if she messages me in the future?

Thank her for the information?

Ex doesn't drive so it can't be that but I don't really mind her messaging me I just think it's a bit odd that she's doing it rather that exH as they are his children but fair enough!

I made the initial contact because I had messaged exH asking for his address so I could send out his Father's Day card from ds1 and he didn't reply so I asked her but she 'friended' me first :)

Kelly, it would matter because if I didn't think she was ok for my boys to be around, they wouldn't be around her! Especially since ds2 has ASD and complex needs. We have also had some SS involvement so I need to be sure that anyone who is around them is someone I can trust with them :)

So what should I do if she messages me in the future?

If it's to tell you something you don't need to respond. If it's to ask you could say I've passed your message onto 'x' and let him deal with it.

Also, he could ask her to message him instead of you.

Why have you friended her on Facebook? You're not her friend. If you need to ask about the DC, ask their father, not someone who's a stranger to you.

DP's ex tried this with me. I declined. Nothing against her, but I'm not her friend. I don't want her on my Facebook. If she wants to talk about the kids, she can ask their dad.

She never going to be your pal.you two will always have an edge.Just be is cordial,pleasant
If he wants to communicate about his kid,he dies it directly.shes not the spokesperson

I've already said why I added her, and I've already said that she messages me, the only time I've ever messaged her first was when I was asking for their address, which I have also explained :)

Unfriending her now is hardly going to improve our 'relationship' is it!

Do you think I should request to speak to him directly scottishmummy? I don't want to make things worse :/

Sorry, that other post was to googoodolly

Keep it neutral,factual to him.he can contact you to discuss parenting issues
Its unnecessary that she send he said this,that text.i can see why itd annoy

I would find it exceptionally intrusive for the DM of a boyfriend's dc to 'friend' me. I'd block them actually.

The dc are with their father, your contact is with him.

You could unfriend by saying "Look it seems as if now we are FB friends you have unwittingly been lumbered with the role of go-between, between me and Ex. I can tell from reading between the lines that you find this uncomfortable, and I don't blame you and am sorry. Perhaps it would be better if we "defriend?"

You could set up an email specifically for these messages, name it 'children's contact email' or similar. Then de friend.
Start addressing non specifically even just dates etc. and sign off with your name.

Sounds like it has got off to a bit of a non start.
Someone tried to coerce me into a friendship with their ex in the past.
Awful uncomfortable position, not me at all.

You can message people on FB without friending them.

If the children enjoy their stay it might be a good idea to message her to thank her for making them welcome etc.